Sexy Date Boy @TheHumpyDumpy
motorcycle Joined January 2014-
Tweets48
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Followers142
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Following2K
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Likes86
[looking in mirror before big pitch] Me: ah yes. Hello Me: Will this yield prophet? Me: Why yes. Me: How clever. Me: And so strong
[doing magic tricks at sons BDay] Me: for my next trick,I need a volunteer [I pick the kid who bullies my son and light his hair on fire ]
Me: yo dont look im naked [friend turns around] Me: HAH you looked Friend: you are naked Me: oh
Officer: [on phone] unfortunately I cannot help you, sir. We do not send out amber alerts for misplaced sour patch kids
The woods have gone quiet. The full moon is bright. The president has seen enough. He lifts off into the sky on the back of the BearForce 1
[cracking up looking in mirror] i'm not laughing with you, I am you
[a bank commercial where all the actors are babies with no explanation]
[leaning up against motorcycle in parking lot] Yep... This babys the real deal. Indestructible probably. [is talking to a dead bird]
*me on my own cooking show* "hey thanks for tuning in to Makin' it with Mobin!" *boils water* "alright that's all for this week!"
Son: daddy, I lost a tooth! Dad: ok i'll replace it w/change S: [crying] wha? You're the tooth fairy?? D: more like TRUTH FAIRY. Go to bed
My kids: "father, what exactly was a "meme?" Dad Me:*coughs,removes glasses,looks out window* "I have no idea what you're talking about"
*has all the matthew mcconaughey lincoln commercials on DVD*
[old friend who's now a gangster visits] Him: just droppin by for old times sake Me: [looks at camera]more like old CRIMES sake [stabs me]
[interview] Boss: says here u can drive a forklift. Demonstrate. Me: uh vroom vroom..? B:[slams fist on desk] THATS WHAT IM TALKIN ABOUT
[talking to grandpa] Me: Wanna feel old? [shoves very recent picture of him in his face] Me: see, you old toot
[sees trailer for Happy Gilmore] [turns to date]: the book was way better
"YOU'LL SEE! YOU'LL ALL SEE!!" [me frantically trying to cure a group of blind people]
[fancy dinner. I tap my glass w/fork] Me: a toast 2 old friends [beanie baby falls off chair] [I poisoned him & Barbie was in on it]
Isabella @Arganort45550
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Grażyna Werduch @grawer2
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Fireshoppe @Fireshoppe1
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bad girls bible study @badgrlbblestudy
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Codem Habseel, Fabled... @jetskimustard
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Ryan Wise @Ryanantiplastic
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corey @Two1stNaimz
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Codem Habseel, Fabled... @jetskimustard
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