very bad timelines @WorstTimelines

tweets from horrifying theoretical alternate dystopian realities somehow worse than yours. a project of the Trans-Universal Research Directorate turd-research.biz an unbounded multiverse Joined March 2014

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very bad timelines @WorstTimelines

4 years ago

ah fuck!!! it turns out the Baldwin you've been fucking all these years is Stephen

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very bad timelines @WorstTimelines

4 years ago

scientists discover lysergic acid based life and immediately touch it. wrong move

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very bad timelines @WorstTimelines

4 years ago

the year is 2055. everything is mostly the same except every single source of light including the sun is a strobe light

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very bad timelines @WorstTimelines

4 years ago

Lex Luthor somehow wins the NYC mayoral primary in a ranked choice write in landslide! You all agree this is suspicious, but quietly acknowledge to each other it will go unchallenged because you can't do math!

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very bad timelines @WorstTimelines

4 years ago

after since Father vanished, you've been ever so lonely. you find a bone man in the basement, but he doesn't talk much.

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very bad timelines @WorstTimelines

4 years ago

You've found the Amulet of Aging. As you lay shriveling it occurs to you that perhaps you should have work gloves

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very bad timelines @WorstTimelines

5 years ago

the force ghost of was bappin waves down at you. to his right are fellow ex twitter greats such as r/idpol giant "subcumandante shartos" and some guy who went by the handle "dog dick dan"

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very bad timelines @WorstTimelines

5 years ago

covids 1-18 call. they all want their goddamn alimony

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very bad timelines @WorstTimelines

6 years ago

Damn!! It turns out every time you have a shitty thought, it sends out vibes, in the Ultraverse. Let's be real. the math is not in your favor here

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very bad timelines @WorstTimelines

6 years ago

as the space bouncers are beating the shit out of you outside the space club it occurs to you that they only have little earpieces, not mics. is it only for show? who's the man talking into the space bouncer radio? this is the last thing you think of before you die

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bobby @bobby

6 years ago

greetings, mando. name's lurb. curbes lurb.

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very bad timelines @WorstTimelines

6 years ago

It turns out aliens are here for our vibes. Absorbing them is why they crashed at Roswell

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Trump Alert @TrumpsAlert

6 years ago

realDonaldTrump liked this tweet:

Rep. Eric Swalwell @RepSwalwell

6 years ago

realDonaldTrump liked this tweet:

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very bad timelines @WorstTimelines

6 years ago

damn, you got RNGed into spawning as a goat. and not one of the cool mountain goats

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very bad timelines @WorstTimelines

6 years ago

it's like "Soylent Green," except this is the thing they show you before you're put to sleep forever

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very bad timelines @WorstTimelines

6 years ago

donald trump. donny t. the big man!! the donald. he comes to the deep sea lab for a campaign stop, gropes an empty scuba suit, whispers in its ear that melania can't see them under the sea. meet me outside in 10, he says, and explosively depressurizes the station going outside

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very bad timelines @WorstTimelines

6 years ago

Joe Biden comes to the space station for a campaign stop. he slaps two female crews' approximate ass regions (they're in spacesuits), congratulates a 35 yr old male astronaut for getting so many kills in the Korean War, and depressurizes the airlock "going out for a smoke"

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Brooke Watson Madubuonwu @brookLYNevery1

6 years ago

just learned with horror that deleting any of the "family" emojis in google slides does not remove the emoji, but rather kills off each individual family member one by one, starting with the children