The Donald @_DearDonald

Hmmm. Need a new job. Maybe I could put my tiny hands to good use somehow. Ooh, maybe I could make those ships in bottles. You must need tiny hands to make those. I’ll be rich! (If I can just keep avoiding paying taxes)

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The Donald @_DearDonald

5 years ago

Getting an early night. Lots to do. Only 72 days left of my career as a professional golfer. (What??? I get paid to play golf.)

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The Donald @_DearDonald

5 years ago

I WON BY MILES!!!! (Compared to everyone except @JoeBiden)

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The Donald @_DearDonald

5 years ago

Stupid Georgia. What is the point of you??? I should sell you to Mexico.

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The Donald @_DearDonald

5 years ago

Aren’t these people bored of counting? Just stop. What’s the worst that could happen?

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The Donald @_DearDonald

5 years ago

Ooh. Is that victory I can smell? Oh. No. My nappy needs changing. Where's @FLOTUS when i need her?

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The Donald @_DearDonald

5 years ago

Do me a favour and vote for Sleepy @JoeBiden. I’m bored of playing President. My hair’s falling out, my golf handicap is suffering, my wife won’t speak to me. Life was easier as a regular, racist, pussy grabber. TBH.

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The Donald @_DearDonald

5 years ago

What shall I do with my next term as @POTUS? I’m thinking I might outlaw ice cream, promote Thanos to the Supreme Court and sell all children under 5 to Jeff Bezos to guide his armada of delivery drones. What do you reckon? #FourMoreYears

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The Donald @_DearDonald

5 years ago

Presidential Erections only come around once every four years. So you've got to make the most of them. Am I right @FLOTUS?

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The Donald @_DearDonald

5 years ago

This is the most important Presidential Erection of our generation. It’s going to be big!

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The Donald @_DearDonald

5 years ago

My performance was the greatest since @StormyDaniels pretended to enjoy me writhing around on her like a walrus having a heart attack. #PresidentialDebate

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The Donald @_DearDonald

5 years ago

There are many MANY legitimate reasons why @RudyGiuliani might have found himself alone in a hotel room with his hands down his pants in the company of an underage girl. We’ve all done it!!!!