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mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

not into this conversation i've been in my head for hours Joined July 2016
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____mateus____ Profile Picture

mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

a year ago

i’m not okay, but i’m gon be alright

____mateus____ Profile Picture

mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

2 years ago

the closet got more loafers than welfare

____mateus____ Profile Picture

mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

2 years ago

you a loser, get your ass outta winner’s place

____mateus____ Profile Picture

mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

2 years ago

man i ain’t been to my barber in like two months, but i been tryna get this tape right

____mateus____ Profile Picture

mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

2 years ago

i saw a mountain across the horizon, then i got there, realized it was just a pile of rocks

____mateus____ Profile Picture

mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

2 years ago

how to stay afloat in a bottomless pit? the trick is to stop falling, the only option: to start with a step. bet

____mateus____ Profile Picture

mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

2 years ago

can’t buy respect

____mateus____ Profile Picture

mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

2 years ago

FaceID doesn’t recognize me when I smile #real

____mateus____ Profile Picture

mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

2 years ago

A priest serving the Eucharist and distributing the blood of Christ via Gatorade bottles like a waterboy on an NFL sideline

____mateus____ Profile Picture

mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

2 years ago

Sometimes you just gotta hit the short king urinal for that +1 confidence boost

____mateus____ Profile Picture

mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

2 years ago

Maybe in our next lifetimes

____mateus____ Profile Picture

mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

3 years ago

Action Bronson telling a knock-knock joke: “Knock, knock” *who’s there?* “It’s me”

____mateus____ Profile Picture

mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

3 years ago

New Year, I’m not stepping out the house for anything that’s not important enough for me to be late to it

____mateus____ Profile Picture

mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

3 years ago

think about it, a smoker ain’t got shit, and everyday he still get a hit

____mateus____ Profile Picture

mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

3 years ago

Since the dawn of man you’ve been able to draw a dick and call it art

____mateus____ Profile Picture

mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

3 years ago

Broke 1000 ELO today

____mateus____ Profile Picture

mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

4 years ago

Lil Wayne the Mitch Hedberg of rappers. Sharp and concise, connecting two ideas within the same bar, then jumping right into the next one.

____mateus____ Profile Picture

mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

4 years ago

Flying high in April, shot down in May lol

____mateus____ Profile Picture

mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

5 years ago

Batman, but Gotham City institutes the death penalty, effectively doing the killing for him

____mateus____ Profile Picture

mr.no$cantspendit @____mateus____

5 years ago

This year for Halloween, I’m going as an electrolarynx. Hopefully by next Halloween, I’ll be able to go as literally anything other than an electrolarynx

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