Doc @actually_dr
still here.. and still am ready. Joined September 2022-
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Doc retweeted
Unpopular opinion: dominants are not superior. I know, a lot of you submissives like to believe your dominant is literally a superior human as part of your kink, and trust me, I'm not trying to yuck anyone's yum. It's fun pretending other people are superior. Let me explain the difference. There's a problem inherent in a man thinking he's better than other people: he's grading himself, as a person. Not on individual facts, or individual specialties or areas of expertise, but in general. Yes, he's giving himself a positive grade, which you might think would be a good thing. What's wrong with a little cockiness? But here's the problem: a grade can be lost, and cocky is situational. When you disagree with someone whose self-worth relies on his belief that he is superior, he has to protect it: he can fight until he beats you, decide your opinion doesn't count, or decide you're not 'inferior enough' and leave you for not agreeing that you're inferior. What he can't do is let a disagreement prove his position is inferior, because if he's graded himself superior, an inferior position means he as a person is also inferior. What he struggles with, is learning from the experiences of his 'inferiors'. A man who leads because you consciously gave him that leadership doesn't need you to be less than him. When you disagree, his authority isn't at risk. It's just a disagreement about a fact, or a task, or a moment - not about him. Can you pretend you're less than him? Absolutely, if that's what you both agree to.
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Doc retweeted
If you change because you're being punished, all you learn is that you're wrong. You don't actually learn what your partner really wants from you. Punishment without understanding and agreeing collects into a pile of evidence that you're wrong for who you are. Change only when you understand what you did wrong, and have decided on your own that you want to do it differently.
Doc retweeted
For someone who identifies as a submissive (or a Dominant), living that role well feels like being right for who you are. Which means when you criticize how someone lives their role, they'll hear it as a grade on who they are — even when it isn't. Making your partner feel like a failure in their role risks making them feel like a failure as a person. Knowing that, correct each other's acts clearly enough that it can't be mistaken for a grade on either of you.
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