guacamole mom @funcucumbers
if you love the feeling of standing in bowl of guac, you will enjoy this... i wish i had an frend Joined March 2015-
Tweets110
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Followers128
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Following810
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Likes10
I heard the professor for Cucumber 101 can be a pickle... Happy colleging!✏️
Me: I would like to return this... Cashier: sir this is an old man.... Me: Cashier: Me: grabs scanner and scans grandpa's forehead
"I'm proud to be a cucumber where at least I know I'm green"🎶
I once asked a woman for candy and she dropped a cucumber plant into my eyeball
this year I decided to dress up REAL scary and go as guacamole WITHOUT any garlic!!!
whenever I feel down I remember that at least this woman appreciates me as much as I deserve 💚 vine.co/v/evLQgX7F6w9
who would you rather have in office? rt for an avocado. fav for donald trump.
Apparently my beat poetry reading was too "politically hostile" & "overtly sexual" for this particular kindergarten but there'll be others.
Look, gas station dude. Show me the sign that says I can't wash my entire car with the squeegee and I'll leave.
I never thought the day would come when I would have to sacrifice my mom for a cheese stick... Yet here it is

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