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Tweets3K
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Followers558
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Following540
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Likes2K
I thought this was Gary Oldman in Tiptoes for a second.
“Umm 🤓🤓🤓 AcTuAlLy that’s a strawman theory” Yeah lib, here’s a Mattman theory for ya -STFU my head was concaved by a bowling ball after I stuck my head in the ball return to see if there were people inside it pushing the ball out. I don’t know what strawman theory means.
I’ll be the first to say it, put Tom Hanks in more movies.
Left a couple teabags in my pants. now all these Brits are surrounding me at the laundromat saying “U MAKIN A SUDYS CUPPA, HUH? LUV IT MATE”
When the revolution comes, any restaurant charging $15 for a burger and $8 dollars separately for fries goes to the gulag
Done with standup. Heckler kept shouting “get my epipen” during my set, I don’t even know what that means. Taking a break from twitter yall, see you in a month.
I’ve been sleeping in my Costco for 2 years now, this is redundant.
I’ve been sleeping in my Costco for 2 years now, this is redundant.
Everyone wants to die peacefully. Not me, I’m going eyes wide open saying “no no no!”
Zach Schiffman @schlife
9K Followers 2K Following I’m 5’5 but everyone tells me I seem 5’8 / social @curbed @grubstreet @nymag
Cameron Bradford @camerobradford
26K Followers 1K Following Take my hand, we'll weather this storm together.
maya sharma… @goodjobmaya
2K Followers 1K Following member of @ladieswhoranch associate director at @comedybrooklyn I am the girl who knocks
out of context caro y... @carosnake
5K Followers 953 Following Heinous and Inspirational 💅💫 i make comedy @simple__town @ladieswhoranch Car World https://t.co/kkYwxfSWCL
Fleipe Dp dPoi Ofcial @FelipeDiPoi
10K Followers 2K Following Wlecome | Cartoons, @simple__town, @littleedy_comic
kelly cooper @kellyccooper
4K Followers 1K Following 🌝 brooklyn comedy 🌝 @ladieswhoranch 🌝 watch "Message in a Bottle" on @adultswim SMALLS and @hbomax+ The Duchess of Nothing: https://t.co/NV8BrhAEBH
Dash Turner @KocoumOfficial
2K Followers 848 Following yurok 🐚 ++ tv writer (solar opposites, krapopolis, rutherford falls) ++ banned from xbox live
victoria @victoriapand
1K Followers 620 Following I have some of the world's best followers on here https://t.co/3sN5IWfgH2
DuchessGirl @SMiTCk4o0K3a177
1 Followers 1K Following Brissy kayak rushing rush my bits with your thrust
Qoosa @Qoosa9219
16 Followers 1K Following
Xielui @Xielui8689
17 Followers 1K Following
Ned Sporer @SporerNed15726
118 Followers 4K Following
Uikliiwee @Uikliiwee92256
15 Followers 2K Following
Samie @BrooksSamie
37 Followers 192 Following Back on this thing... Healthcare worker— Future doc • All Ohio sports but the Browns. Steeler Nation 🖤💛 • Dog mom x2
Vegan Jules @veganjules
40 Followers 591 Following
Ayla Gottlieb @GottliebAy86832
23 Followers 2K Following
Yvluwaw @Yvluwaw63599
38 Followers 2K Following
Ydoetui @Ydoetui4505
30 Followers 1K Following
Appoint @Appoint192508
31 Followers 4K Following
Martha @masser_martha
298 Followers 3K Following
Claudia Moorhouse @ClaudiaMoorhou2
4 Followers 76 Following
Mike Truk @babethrobinson
30 Followers 153 Following
MaureenDupont @t2fPjUzOmad5qTY
59 Followers 5K Following
Viola Carey @ShudruesvVorI2
0 Followers 121 Following
Desheas @Desheas5zseP
70 Followers 1K Following
Tareto @TaretoAgLW
105 Followers 2K Following
Can Dusen . net @candusen
175 Followers 669 Following I am in a rush to chill. That's the price you pay for convenience.
public universal dj @tiesto_junkie
469 Followers 452 Following endurance raver / state sanctioned fun / phl
Meg Reid @meg_it_happen
862 Followers 1K Following Contributor @theonion @reductress @mcsweeneys @pointsincase @the_belladonnas @weeklyhumorist A pretty impossible lady to be with. she/her
🙃 @myotisfan3000
0 Followers 154 Following
Carmella Ruberto @CarmellaRuberto
93 Followers 449 Following tweet others how you want to be tweeted | she/her
Alex Champion @AlexJChampion
499 Followers 2K Following 🚩🇵🇸♟️• quantum postgrad • socialist (derogatory) • union man & what's left of a climate activist • all views own •
cyrus river @river_cyru78659
21 Followers 302 Following we accept the love we think we deserve. shame convinces us we deserve nothing. I love you, no matter what. you deserve to be loved, no matter what happened.
Myles Turner @langford_joe
1 Followers 241 Following
Ryan Kircher @RyanKircherr
399 Followers 1K Following
Steve @MultipleFingers
7 Followers 412 Following
Big Lad @BigLadOFFICIAL
305 Followers 4K Following
Satish Patil @SatishP99639130
347 Followers 7K Following
isaac 🦧 @SteelyDanFan19
70 Followers 224 Following they/she || Self-Taught Heart Surgeon || Frog Lover || Chicken’s Mother
Andrew Brischler @andrewbrischler
115 Followers 253 Following if you don't have anything nice to say, come sit next to me.
Trevor @Tr3v77
13 Followers 181 Following
eOin @o_rude
594 Followers 447 Following singing my little songs, telling my little jokes, & not eating gluten
Vic Spiderbite @VicSpiderbite
24 Followers 40 Following Keeping a low profile since 1931. Talking trash to the garbage around me.
Wanly Made Wellman @orkindonor
502 Followers 2K Following
slick rascal @EyebrowSupreme
95 Followers 711 Following
Zach Schiffman @schlife
9K Followers 2K Following I’m 5’5 but everyone tells me I seem 5’8 / social @curbed @grubstreet @nymag
Cameron Bradford @camerobradford
26K Followers 1K Following Take my hand, we'll weather this storm together.
maya sharma… @goodjobmaya
2K Followers 1K Following member of @ladieswhoranch associate director at @comedybrooklyn I am the girl who knocks
out of context caro y... @carosnake
5K Followers 953 Following Heinous and Inspirational 💅💫 i make comedy @simple__town @ladieswhoranch Car World https://t.co/kkYwxfSWCL
Fleipe Dp dPoi Ofcial @FelipeDiPoi
10K Followers 2K Following Wlecome | Cartoons, @simple__town, @littleedy_comic
kelly cooper @kellyccooper
4K Followers 1K Following 🌝 brooklyn comedy 🌝 @ladieswhoranch 🌝 watch "Message in a Bottle" on @adultswim SMALLS and @hbomax+ The Duchess of Nothing: https://t.co/NV8BrhAEBH
Dash Turner @KocoumOfficial
2K Followers 848 Following yurok 🐚 ++ tv writer (solar opposites, krapopolis, rutherford falls) ++ banned from xbox live
Peter Tuchman @EinsteinoWallSt
57K Followers 1K Following "Einstein of Wall Street" • Most Iconic Stock Broker at the @NYSE • Most Photographed Man on Wall Street
public universal dj @tiesto_junkie
469 Followers 452 Following endurance raver / state sanctioned fun / phl
Can Dusen . net @candusen
175 Followers 669 Following I am in a rush to chill. That's the price you pay for convenience.
Meg Reid @meg_it_happen
862 Followers 1K Following Contributor @theonion @reductress @mcsweeneys @pointsincase @the_belladonnas @weeklyhumorist A pretty impossible lady to be with. she/her
Carmella Ruberto @CarmellaRuberto
93 Followers 449 Following tweet others how you want to be tweeted | she/her
Alex Champion @AlexJChampion
499 Followers 2K Following 🚩🇵🇸♟️• quantum postgrad • socialist (derogatory) • union man & what's left of a climate activist • all views own •
Vic Spiderbite @VicSpiderbite
24 Followers 40 Following Keeping a low profile since 1931. Talking trash to the garbage around me.
eOin @o_rude
594 Followers 447 Following singing my little songs, telling my little jokes, & not eating gluten
CincyJZ @cincyjz
1K Followers 2K Following Urbanism, street photography, transit, punk rock, Reds baseball, Bonnaroo, español, 中文 | Enthusiastically Cincinnatian | dm me about narcan & test strips
Tej Khanna @TejKhannaYes
227 Followers 164 Following I am the bicycle you never learned how to ride 😈
Freddie Shanel @freddie_shanel
1K Followers 611 Following one of those "brooklyn-based comics" i keep hearing so much about || editorial henchman @reductress || boymom
Charlie (Let's Keep I... @CharlieSosnick
3K Followers 2K Following Best Friend To Many / Mr. DoItAll / Mr. Everything / Determined / Up For The Challenge / Calm / Wise / Intellectual / Spiritual
rick dalton @teddysweethands
207 Followers 809 Following the drifter, also the shapeshifter. the master chef. the chameleon. the problem child. the hard one. the white indian. the giant midget.
preshus angle @marshalllouise
566 Followers 427 Following ✨America’s Little Sister✨ • //Actor// 💁🏼♀️
Jonah @jonahbron
232 Followers 1K Following not really here anymore, links @ https://t.co/pfaLWg6hOw
Simple Town @Simple__Town
9K Followers 550 Following A comedy group (@willniedmann @samuel_lanier @FelipeDiPoi @ianfaria13 @carosnake)
Kimberly Seidita @kimberlyseidita
166 Followers 134 Following
meredith 🍉 @dietz_meredith
21K Followers 2K Following too tired to pee, too full of piss to sleep. @TheOnion @reductress.
Alexis Nowicki @flyschola1
3K Followers 721 Following senior publicist @astrahousebooks. copy editor at cake zine, hard pack, & elastic. occasional writer (@slate, @dirtyverse)
johnny @johnnycastronow
1K Followers 1K Following comedy-songwriter 🎹 | host 👾 | producer 🍎 | NYC via 916 | a real bisexual's bisexual 💗💜💙 | 🇲🇽🇱🇧 | check out my stuff ⤵️
Liam Paris🐌 @liam_paris
1K Followers 807 Following Prettiest comic in Philadelphia | all of my tweets are real
Heathen Christ @TerryHesticals1
247 Followers 763 Following I skateboard and play drums poorly. Drummer/Bassist of John Gone https://t.co/6YVrHDbDN8
Illia (root.near) (�... @ilblackdragon
107K Followers 438 Following Co-Founder @NEARProtocol. Bringing 1B users into User-Owned Internet. Prev. AI researcher. RT&likes are not endorsement. Always DYOR.
Kevin McGrath @special_km11
336 Followers 1K Following Just some $SPY kid from Queens, K-town PR Guy @mgroupsc, Recovering Sneaker Addict **Tweets and retweets may be regretted later**
mysterious lady @_yeastqueen
762 Followers 702 Following I play ages 8-16 and I don’t sing… but I could if you wanted me to
victoria @victoriapand
1K Followers 620 Following I have some of the world's best followers on here https://t.co/3sN5IWfgH2
Carson Olshansky @carsonolshansky
2K Followers 533 Following Writer and comic. they/them. Link to mailing list for updates on live shows, etc
Next City @NextCityOrg
106K Followers 3K Following Next City’s journalism centers marginalized voices while amplifying solutions to the problems that oppress people in cities.
Michael Hawkins @paahpaa
33 Followers 76 Following The universe is a little too big to care about something so smallTrends for United States
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