sam buttress @sambuttress_

legal, barely | he/him minneapolis/northwestern uni Joined March 2017

Tweets

1K
Followers

815
Following

641
Likes

1K

sam buttress @sambuttress_

2 years ago

if you can’t separate criticism of israel with antisemitism you might be a redneck

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sam buttress @sambuttress_

2 years ago

banksy has been pretty quiet ever since jimmy carter went into hospice. think about it

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“i know students are upset, but don’t worry we finally sent out a phone call” “good, you remembered to put in the actual information about what’s going on so it’s not just a robot saying nothing, right?” “…. and what’s that now”

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sam buttress @sambuttress_

2 years ago

renner looks different after the accident

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sam buttress @sambuttress_

3 years ago

i got a job at that new bakery that can turn any 1024 megabytes of data into a cookie now that’s what i call a sweet gig

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sam buttress @sambuttress_

3 years ago

i gotta be looking in the mirror while i’m brushing my teeth or else i get confused and forget where the teeth are

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sam buttress @sambuttress_

3 years ago

can’t believe i’ve been on twitter for 12 years, and i’m just now learning that if you tap the little heart button under a tweet it “likes” the tweet 😭😭😭

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sam buttress @sambuttress_

3 years ago

sending someone “happy 9/11” should automatically do the confetti imessage effect

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sam buttress @sambuttress_

3 years ago

we need to retire the position of Family Feud host after steve harvey dies

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sam buttress @sambuttress_

3 years ago

so fucked up that made-up people don’t get older except you can totally just imagine that they do

tay⋆｡･*˚⁺‧͙ @swannesnupi

3 years ago

so fucked up that made-up people don’t get older except you can totally just imagine that they do

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sam buttress @sambuttress_

3 years ago

my love language is making up an excuse for us to leave the function early

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sam buttress @sambuttress_

3 years ago

if the treats are little enough you can get yourself one every day

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sam buttress @sambuttress_

3 years ago

sorry bro, life is just so wonderful while you’re in the world. had to put it down in words. hope you don’t mind bro

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sam buttress @sambuttress_

3 years ago

i’m hearing a lot of mixed messages on what exactly is the sluttiest thing that a man can do

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sam buttress @sambuttress_

3 years ago

my horny ass could not work for strega nona

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sam buttress @sambuttress_

3 years ago

my date: i know my bio said “looking for someone to go on adventures with” but this is too much * i put on the Crown of Thillium hold the Elder Stone aloft and proclaim myself the once and future king of the elves

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sam buttress @sambuttress_

3 years ago

me to the dave & busters prize exchange attendant: how many tickets for.. your heart?? 😉😇 attendant: you’ve been playing the same skee-ball game for the last 5 hours. you aren’t rolling them hard enough to get them off the ramp. please leave