The Sassy Lumberjack @sassjack1
I'm offensive and extremely inappropriate. IG: @thesassylumberjack Albuquerque, NM Joined June 2016-
Tweets240
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Followers97
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Following68
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Likes65
To my #1 podcast of 2021, @TrueCrimeObsess: thank you for keeping me company on @Spotify all year long! #SpotifyWrapped open.spotify.com/show/7IcgcyLSm…
You know you’re from New Mexico when: someone says they went to Las Vegas and you have to ask which one. 😂
She’s my 🧡🤢Fartentine🤢🧡 her weird sleeping poses are my favorite//her booty is toxic// she holds my arms when I’m petting her cuz she won’t let me go// ❣️💌 True Love 💌❣️ @ Fartville instagram.com/p/CLSGKzXFelsP…
Just posted a photo @ Vote or Shut Up. instagram.com/p/CLCkcOoFiYCb…
STOP PRETENDING TRUMP ISN’T RACIST. FUCK WHITE SUPREMACY!!!! FUCK TRUMP!!!! NO JUSTICE NO PEACE
@lyft Your driver last night saved my life! We were shot at while I was exiting his car- he got me back into the car and drove me to safety, called 911 and checked me for injuries because I was bleeding. His name is Isaiah & HE SAVED MY LIFE.
I don’t trust people that don’t have sriracha in their fridge.
I don’t know who sheds more- me or my dog, but I am the only one cleaning. & she fuckin knows it.
I’ve gotten rice thrice in my hair today. How is your fucking Friday?
Some of you fuckers never watched The ButterCream Gang growing up and it shows.
Personal best: ate an entire burrito in under 4 minutes. It was closer to like 3 minutes. #thisiswhypeopleareafraidofme
My dog just pissed for so long that I’m pretty sure she was at a college frat party last night.
Also, I almost got hit by a car awwwing over a dog. I’ll be 33 soon- this is where I’m at in life.
Real quick: why in the heckin hell don’t they have ‘how many burritos’ a purse can hold when you’re reading the description? It’s the main reason I’m buying the fuckin purse.
Taking an allegiant flight to Las Vegas means I’m not worried about if federal agents find the drugs I have in my ass but how much allegiant is gonna charge for extra baggage
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82 Followers 82 FollowingI'm not gay but this shredded DILF at my gym is the dad of some girl who ghosted me so i think I'll fuck him
everyone out here getting O'micron meanwhile im catchin O'doyle rules
logging onto facebook for the first time in months to comment on my high school crush's selfies to spit in my mouth
What is the fantasy football equivalent of astrology, like I'm trying to let this hot girl know that Pluto went for 40 billion yards and that she's thicc af
Honestly since Lexi left, I haven’t talked to a single person with a Honda and my life has significantly improved
i first heard tale of Sullivan in Tucumcari, where they said aliens never bothered with Santa Rosa. coyotes, they said, might drag a wandering man to just exactly the spot he'll never be found...of which there are many between Santa Rosa and Tucumcari
For @nytimes (online today & Sunday print), I wrote about the the country blues troubadour Jim Sullivan and his 1975 disappearance in New Mexico, which remains unsolved. New album rereleases by @lightintheattic only deepen the mystery. nyti.ms/32RQt2E
Two days away from my return to #Twitch! 🤗 Who’s ready to party with me this weekend?!
Taking an allegiant flight to Las Vegas means I’m not worried about if federal agents find the drugs I have in my ass but how much allegiant is gonna charge for extra baggage
Alright which one of you honey suckles wants to go on our first date to Thy Art is Murder tonight? Just good clean Christian fun is all I’m asking
should windows solitaire get in2 the hall of fame when jezzball wasnt even nominated? this museum is a sham if candy crush is inducted. centipede deserves it tho gonintendo.com/stories/331369…
Turns out you can’t just walk up to girls in Scottsdale and obnoxiously yell MY NAMES SCOTT without a high chance of getting tazed
ma'am this is a yelp review why are you throwin around words like Furthermore and Nevertheless just tell me if the tacos are good
I don’t know why I expected anything less but trying Tinder in Raton led to a girl sending me a rate sheet and unmatching me cause I didn’t want an escort lol
I just started my longest vacation since freshman year of college. Wahhooooo
Start the new place on Monday, so ready to be a scientist again and not a glorified butler
@sassjack1 Why you gotta tell people about my tattoos
@sassjack1 No, but I once took down a tray of cupcakes for a person.
National your boyfriend ugly day
I know this is probably crass of me to say in today’s political climate but I would absolutely eat chef boyardee mac n cheese from a can everyday for every meal
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