shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay
retweets of the true shitmydadsays Joined August 2009-
Tweets88
-
Followers2K
-
Following2
-
Likes0
Short piece I wrote for Father's Day about my dad, little league, and crying. gq.com/blogs/the-feed…
"Just say 'I don't know.' I'd actually prefer that to a dumb answer." A short essay about my dad's thoughts on death: gq.com/blogs/the-feed…
"1st amendment doesn't protect assholes from criticism. The right to act like an asshole and be called an asshole's the same fucking right."
"Bullshit. Don't pretend you don't care about your birthday. It's like watching a hooker pretend she's out for a walk when cops drive by."
"He's nice now but he WAS an asshole. Just 'cause a piece of shit dries up and stops smelling, doesn't mean it's not still a piece of shit."
A short story about why my dad thinks Father's Day is bullshit. scr.bi/ixOHFe
"You didn't get a good deal, you were just fucked gently. Trust me, Best Buy will not be the one with the sore asshole tomorrow."
"WENT through an awkward phase? What phase you think you're in now? Ever seen yourself walk up stairs? It's like a T-rex that shit himself."
"So he likes drugs and hookers. That's the mustard & mayo on the sandwich of life. Problem is, that's all he's got on his fucking sandwich."
I just don't wanna celebrate a bullshit holiday. I'm plenty romantic. I own a home and have never shit my pants. Two things you can't say.
Fuck me....don't tell me that tonight.
"No, I'm not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain't shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist."
"Fine, let’s take a vote. Who wants fish for dinner?...Yeah, democracy ain’t so fun when it fucks you, huh?”
"STOP apologizing. You're sorry, he gets it, Jesus. You spilled a glass of wine, not fucked his wife."
Everyone thinks their opinion matters. Don't argue with a nobody. A farmer doesn't bother telling a pig his breath smells like shit.
"No. I want the salad...Live a little? I'm ordering lunch. I don't have a choice between salad or fucking skydiving."
You don't have to be good to succeed. You just gotta be the least shitty option. Example: We're eating at The Olive Garden
You came out of your mom looking like shit. She thought you were beautiful. Don't know what scared me most, your looks or her judgment.
"Put the rake down. I don't wanna sit around watching you 'give it your best.' Either stop sucking or get the fuck out of the way."
"See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of shit? That's why I look interested."
Raquel Barral💐🇧... @RBarralCosta
19 Followers 239 Following Serva de Deus, casada com Fabrício Barral, mãe de 2 meninas que são benção nas nossas vidas!
Adam Ebnet @EbnetAdam
108 Followers 2K Following
have @have518766
0 Followers 16 Following
eobeméparafazer🐦 @AnaPiresAfonso4
781 Followers 1K Following ...To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you ever going to fight. - E.E.Cummings
Ann Ann @AnnAnn348555
6 Followers 149 Following
Pedro Echeverría @PedroEcheverria
1K Followers 4K Following Aspirante a fotógrafo. Duermo poco y sueño mucho. Oaxaqueño. Convencido de no estar convencido. Elecciones y Cpol
Luis Enrique Razo @luisrazo_99
14 Followers 256 Following
Jacqueline Larsen @Jacquel05558678
0 Followers 2 Following
lamianeha @lamianeha1
3 Followers 32 Following
Ivan Ray @rtr1995
17 Followers 170 Following
Marvin Schult @marvin_schult
1K Followers 5K Following Nunca podrás definirme _ Ni cuanto tu conozcas ni puedas conocer_ . _
Stephen Bidwell @StephenBidwell3
19 Followers 215 Following Auburn Knights Boys Varsity Soccer Coach Facilities Supervisor @ JBH Mercy Hospital Rktn Ave./ All around awesome dude...😎
FreshyFresh @FreshyFresher
25 Followers 178 Following Photographer, programmer, systems engineer,and outdoor enthusiast.
Holly Eagar @HollyEagar
121 Followers 256 Following Web Developer, Techy, Dry Humor, Detail-Oriented Problem Solving, and Conscientiousness
Abdul Sattar Farooqi @HabibiFarooqi
177 Followers 2K Following I'm from Pakistan. Whereever You are You are Mine
Roy @RoyFoust
5 Followers 25 Following
Bo Vernon @vernonhb80
1 Followers 229 Following
Philip Do @philipdo11
6 Followers 4 Following
T D Kahler @TDKahler
5 Followers 109 Following
Craig Hewitt @CraigHewitt
77 Followers 276 Following Firefighter, Amateur Photographer, Football Fan, Geek
Cory Axtell @1CoryMAxtell
8 Followers 327 Following Life is like a bunch of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
K G @Gallagallas22
4 Followers 200 Following
Amanda Clements @AClements69
30 Followers 115 Following I'm a walking contradiction, I'm right & I'm wrong... I'm somewhere between a Sunday morning sermon & a good ole drinking song❤️
M.DADA @MDADA93
5 Followers 82 Following
Amber Fleeman @amber_fleeman
2 Followers 25 Following
Marcel @marcelmonkeys
20 Followers 225 Following
Alexia Stenning @AlexiaStenning
63 Followers 346 Following
Milija Rajić @RajicMilija
6 Followers 69 Following
Pankaj Goyal @Pankaj1Goyal
3 Followers 15 Following
Marc Lortz @marclortz
21 Followers 39 Following
Katlyn Degenhardt @KatieMacdonal2
22 Followers 59 Following
dana lawrence @lawrence_dana1
15 Followers 28 Following
Don Powell @DonPowell36832
7 Followers 143 Following
Anuj Adhikari @AnujKAdk
304 Followers 339 Following journalist |economics |politics now at NIC ASIA Bank - Branding & Communications
adrian grimshaw @adriang656
3 Followers 17 Following
JayTrikhaPresents @JayTPresents
239 Followers 199 Following Marketing Director. CEO. Unicorn Hunter. Funny Guy.
Adam Catbagan @acatbag
228 Followers 55 Following Channel Sales Engineer @Druva | Husband. Father. Technologist.
pickle @mylife9to5
4 Followers 52 Following
Sinisa Brankovic @sinisab89
15 Followers 73 Following
WiseOldOwl64 @WiseOldOwl64
47 Followers 222 Following
Phước Dũng Lê @PDzug
1 Followers 54 Following
Follow Friday @followfriday
12K Followers 3 Following Tweet the names of Twitter users you'd like others to follow and tag it with #followfriday and/or #FF
Justin @shitmydadsays
1.9M Followers 1 Following Author of Shit My Dad Says and, coming May 15th, my new book I Suck At Girls. My dad's in it, don't worry. This account is where I publish the shit that he saysTrends for United States
You might like
