825 Tweets @shittyinterface

https://t.co/m2eiymK4G0 Joined July 2013

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825 Tweets @shittyinterface

4 days ago

They say there’s ammonia in cigarettes, but I don’t even know what that is. That’s the problem. If they said there was cringe in cigarettes I wouldn’t be smoking them.

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825 Tweets @shittyinterface

7 days ago

Going through the attic and I just found grandpas tactical stilts, which he claims are from the great giraffe war…

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825 Tweets @shittyinterface

a month ago

Proud to announce that I’m runner-up in the 2025 Palm Beach County Nose-Picking Championship! Thanks to everyone who came out and supported me. Never stop picking!!! 👃

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825 Tweets @shittyinterface

a month ago

I’ve been working at the toothpick factory for two and a half years now and I’m only just now starting to understand the intricacies of the human condition

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825 Tweets @shittyinterface

a month ago

I’m watching this MIT video about the “dub siren” and they’re doing a lot of talking and I’m thinking to myself, just fire up the fuckin dub siren already

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825 Tweets @shittyinterface

3 months ago

So there’s the tire company BFGoodrich and I was wondering if maybe that stood for “butt fuck Goodrich” Because if it did that would be pretty funny

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825 Tweets @shittyinterface

4 months ago

As Descartes famously said: “I think therefore I gay” or was that Gaycartes?

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825 Tweets @shittyinterface

4 months ago

It’s times like these that I wish that Mo Bamba guy was still president

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Cortana, Turn on pee mode Turn off throw-up mode Turn on music Turn on grilled cheese mode Turn off fart Turn on one more drink Turn on butter Turn off vegetable mode Turn on bodycam compilation Turn off depression Turn on hydration mode

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825 Tweets @shittyinterface

4 months ago

Back in the 80s when I was working at the dealership, my mentor, Mike Wazowski, gave me the most important advice of my life. He said “if you want something, you’ve gotta go sicko mode to get it. Also, rizz up every broad along the way.” He died of fent overdose last year.