Devon Harris @DevonTSMBT
Ex-Dad. Proud Community Servant of the Church of the Story. One Story one Truth. I've lived many lives and they've all been pretty bad. thestorymustbetold.com The Story Joined November 2018-
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ok this has been fun! Thanks for bearing with me, at times. I killed john f kennedy and I’d do it again! (poof!)
I don’t “dump” technically what I do is called a “shove” so it wasn’t me
I don’t “dump” technically what I do is called a “shove” so it wasn’t me
Truly love when airports get updated and then they make signs about it that say shit like LAX GOT A FACELIFT 😜 and FRESH NEW TITS, SAME OLD DALLAS
opened an Uncle Anne’s in the mall and we serve pretzels that are so hard they’ll break your fuckin teeth
this 👏 is 👏 why 👏 voting 👏matters
(on my death bed, my family around me, thinking if I look long enough I’ll remember. I know that’s not true. Darkness comes. It’s warm. The beeping intensifies. I have time to say one more thing - one more I love you as I straddle both worlds) “That’s it. That’s the tweet.”
thought this was mcdonalds finally giving us hotdogs
just got a job at the bottled water factory filling each bottle up to the brim
bank? no sir ain’t no bank here just me and my my uh my cargo I’m a cargo guy so I’ve never defrauded anyone
When I lived in Sacramento I watched Santa Claus pull a bank teller into the street by his hair and shoot him in the head.
(on trial in new york) your honor my client would like to keep it a bean for a sec (attorney-client whispering) so your honor if we're being real, he actually did chop up his landlord into little pieces
you’re telling me that in the 1970s a bunch of teachers and parents and classmates knew a little boy named ~Paul Hollywood~ and were just like yeah ok that’s fine ???????????????
Some professional news: the podcast I co-created + co-host with @jacktheworm & @holdenators is going on a national tour and tickets are on sale TODAY! We are a pop culture/celebrity gossip podcast/slumber party everyone is invited to. Come see us! bigjackie.com/pages/page-7
AMERICANS ARE… _ humping the pump _ pumpin some grumps _ chumpin their dumps X paying at the pump
New @TSMBTpod episode featuring GUEST PREACHER @MarcusParks awaits thee in thine preferred method of listening. Listen and learn about a wonderful tale of brain death! Hear Marcus do a questionable british accent! listen.stitcher.com/yvap/?af_dp=st…

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