Chris Jordan @ItsChrisJordan
Father, husband. Fluent in guitar, bass, piano, and drums. A Song of Ice and Fire aficionado. Joined June 2015-
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Following130
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Likes73
Please RT. #IdesOfMarch #JuliusCaesar #Senate
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Chris Jordan retweeted
downloaded the shadow inc app used in the Iowa caucus
Sitting here reading through the Volkswagen owners manual and it says "Hold down the carburator and you will hear a 'bong' sound.". I don't know - sounds more like a 'pipe' to me. #4/18bro
Chris Jordan retweeted
Here's a useful counterintuitive fact: one 18 inch pizza has more 'pizza' than two 12 inch pizzas
RT. Re: Kavanaugh claims - When did the news start calling it "drunkenly groping and trying to force her clothes off" and stop calling it assault? Asking for 3.8 billion friends.
Good news everybody. I've been entering the Halton lottery for New York accidentally for the past month and a half.
When I was kid I wanted to be a dinosaur so badly. Thanks to fine, YOUNG people I work with I've realized my dream has come true.
Hey, @APNews stop writing me headlines for the same story. Thanks.
If "extra long reach" isn't at the top of the Special Skills section of this Taco Bell drivethru employee's resume', it should be.
Co-worker's inner monologue (probably): You're EXACTLY the person I didn't want to see coming out of the bathroom stall before I go in. Me: Hi Stacey!
I'm a follower in the sense that I go to whichever floor is selected. I'm a leader in the sense that I direct people off the elevator in a courteous manner.
Chris Jordan retweeted
Sure, cockroaches are a little frightening but they’re nothing compared to roachcocks. Their dick’s are so big. It’s horrifying.
What's got two thumbs and goes to sleep without a diaper? This guy! And also Margot. No accidents last night. It was awesome.
Them: Don't worry, the camera adds 10 punds. Me: My camera/phone weighs 157 grams. How do you account for the other 95,244.4 grams? Them:
Chris Jordan retweeted
Order up: @Chowly_inc secures $5.8M Series A to expand its footprint and headcount bit.ly/2uhEiO6
They just call them 'chairs' in the Adirondacks.
What do you think the suicide policy is in Walmart? Just go for it?
Everyone has such great plans about what they would do if they could time travel. I would be useless if I traveled back in time. I'd know how to claim to have written Beatles songs, but other than that I'll probably be killed by a horse or something stupid. Dysentery.I don't know
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