Jen Hubert @JenHubert
Chicagoan, Illinoisan, American. Joined January 2013-
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Following288
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Jen Hubert retweeted
Wish I had a neck like an owl so when a guy is spooning me right after sex I could turn my head all the way around and say that was awful
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Jen Hubert retweeted
The next time you're at Olive Garden, put one breadstick in your mouth and one in your bum. Then yell, "THEY REALLY ARE ENDLESS!!!"
Jen Hubert retweeted
listen. i fuckin--look at me--i fu--LOOK AT ME IN MY EYES--i fucking love coconut
Jen Hubert retweeted
If you change your mind about going on that date just call my watch or text my glasses.
Jen Hubert retweeted
A funny thing to do while giving an emotional speech is to say, "I promised myself I wasn't going to cry," and then not cry
Jen Hubert retweeted
Let's have a race. You try to get an appointment with a licensed mental health professional and I'll try to get a gun. Ready? I'm done.
Jen Hubert retweeted
Adulthood Pros: You can eat ice cream in bed. Cons: This will somehow make you sadder.
Jen Hubert retweeted
Opera is what happens when someone stabs you and instead of dying, you sing.
Jen Hubert retweeted
Our mutual friend went to the bathroom so now what do we do, do I lay on you or put my purse on your face
Jen Hubert retweeted
Heard that some adults still go to the doctor. What're you guys, babies? Does your mom pack your lunches for yo- *coughs up a whole dolphin*
Jen Hubert retweeted
Spider-Man should just be called Peter Parkour
Jen Hubert retweeted
I'm sorry you're just not NASA material "Why?" Well, you wrote 'red' then crossed it out & put 'human' under blood type on your application.
Jen Hubert retweeted
"you gotta crawl before you walk" -10th place sprinter
"Take a picture; it'll last longer!" Will Snapchat make this phrase obsolete? Discuss. #SnapchatPhilosophyClass
Jen Hubert retweeted
*buys Sushi for Dummies* *preheats oven* *reads first page of Sushi for Dummies* *turns off oven*
Jen Hubert retweeted
Writing a German porno called "Employees Must Wash Hans."
Jen Hubert retweeted
what about a vigilante who's an elderly rich lady and her calling card is her bullets are made from swarovski crystals. bye
Jen Hubert retweeted
I cant use facebook cuz everyone making popular comment I wish I thought of first, like "thank God it Friday!" or "Im pregnant of baby"
Jen Hubert retweeted
No, I didn't say I have trust issues. I said I have *trusty shoes*. See there they are on that other man's feet OH MY GOD
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