Your Next President @NextPrez
The official campaign twitter of your next president. An undisclosed location. Joined March 2011-
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I cannot wait until this day is over.
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Whenever things get hard, I think of the people who are working so hard for me this election and how much better I am than them and laugh
If I could sit down with every undecided voter I would shake their hands and look into their eyes and say: "You are a nitwit".
I'm no longer surprised when I learn about my own campaign promises from the newspaper.
Everyone says they hates lobbyists, but the truth is that they're the only one who knows what's going on most of the time.
I have no idea how to bring jobs back to this disintegrating city. You should probably try to move, I dunno.
Going to all these fundraisers is a lot like being on a reunion tour for a rock band: l still hate everyone, but I really need the cash
Most days I wouldn't even know what state I'm in if it weren't for the teleprompter.
When I'm President, I will have no control over the price of gas. It will probably keep going up. I can't influence it in the slightest.
I've stopped saying my "fellow" Americans because I have nothing in common with 95% of them and do not want to be associated with them
My lips are sore from kissing chapped babies. Mothers, try cocoa butter lotion if you care about your country.
AFTER CRISS-CROSSING THE UNITED STATES CAMPAIGNING, I CAN NAME 39 STATES WHERE I'VE SLEPT ALONE
So who's going to step up and discuss the concept of municipal Ice Cream Wells?
I see that Newt has stolen one of our major campaign platforms: American Moon Colonies
Your Next President retweeted
@NextPrez Like in the American words: deceive and ceiling. Un-Amercian words: foreign, leisure, counterfeit, forfeit, atheist...
I before E, except after C. #neverforget
America needs this Steve Jobs bill.
Probably is going to resign and install me as Prez. @BreakingNews: WH: The president to make statement at 10:30pm ET; subject not announced
The Obama B.C. release confuses me. If he's not a secret Kenyan/Muslim, then why does he hate America and want to destroy it??
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Greta Van Susteren @greta
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