Peter Bales @ProfBales
Author, history professor at Queens College and comedian with Tonight Show and Second City cred. My new novel is Long Live Long Island, a political satire. peterbales.com Joined February 2013-
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Come to the Brokerage Comedy Club in Bellmore at 8 tonight for incredible 3-comic show to benefit an aid trip to Nicaragua. Tickets $20.
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"Pope Francis said it is a sin for people to waste food. He made that proclamation and then he made Chris Christie a saint."--Conan O'Brien
Friday I'll be speaking on "Rockefeller & Moses and the Bridge that Never Was" at LIU, 10 a.m. bit.ly/17XxQw5 Also on my novel.
"Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em, 'Certainly, I can!' Then get busy & find out how to do it."—President Teddy Roosevelt
"I'm pleased to announce that I've signed legislation outlawing the Soviet Union. We begin bombing in five minutes." –Reagan's mike check
"Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf."--Will Rogers
"It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?"--President Ronald Reagan
"If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline...would read: 'President Can't Swim.'"—Lyndon Johnson
"In light of the Ricin scare...(Congress) is considering banning all unsolicited mail...just wire the money...."—Dennis Miller
"A fool and his money are soon parted. The rest of us wait until income tax time."--Unknown
How do you know when you have a good tax accountant? He's got a loophole named after him.
'The governor is hiking the Appalachian Trail."—spokesman for SC Gov. Mark Sanford, June 2009, while he visited his mistress in Argentina
“A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.”--Bill Vaughan
"Have you seen any of President Bush's ads? ...vicious. We've finally found an American job Bush is willing to fight for: his own."—Jay Leno
"In his first (act as) governor...Schwarzeneger promised to clean house... molest the energy crisis, and date rape the deficit."—Tina Fey
"For 7 1/2 years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs...mistakes. We've had some sex...uh...setbacks."—Pres. Bush, Sr.
"A zebra does not change its spots."—Al Gore
"I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman."—California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger
"You know what, evolution is a myth. Why aren't monkeys still evolving into humans?"—Christine O'Donnell, on Maher's "Politically Incorrect"
"Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There's nothing to do but to stand there and take it."—President Lyndon Johnson
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