Shit User Story @ShitUserStory
🐈 The internet nobody asked for. linktr.ee/shituserstory Joined January 2021-
Tweets633
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Followers121K
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Following1
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Likes936
As a… – Twitter user I want… – access to the world’s most accurate real-time information source, a global town square for communication so that… – I can be repeatedly told to look between letters on my keyboard
As a… – website visitor I want to… – patiently wait for content to load dynamically so that… – I am awash with delight
As a… – Twitter user I want… – free speech so that… – ░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░
As a... – registering user I want to... – have my email address begin to validate after I type the first character so that... – I understand that 'c' isn't considered sufficient and I should continue to type
As a... – restaurant website visitor I want to... – have the restaurant phone number appear as an uncopiable raster image on page 9 of their 48mb stock-photo-filled pdf menu So that... – I can call them
As a... – Twitter user I want to... – have the timeline refresh a couple of seconds after opening the app So that... – the tweet I am half-way through reading is replaced with a more relevant, promoted tweet.
As a… – search user I want… – find relevant results so that… – Top Relevant Results ‘24 so that… – 100% Free Relevant Results so that… – Driving Relevant Omnichannel Results so that… – I can easily find what I am looking for
I am ready. #WWDC23 #VisionPro #Apple
As a... – registering user I want to... – inherit a surname with a minimum of three characters, without spaces, hyphens, or accents so that... – it can be considered valid by the backend, which was built by John Smith
As a recipe reader I want to dismiss cookies, have a video ad follow me down the page, and read why this cake conjures up memories of the author's childhood, before reaching the actual recipe so that I feel connected to the author, before fully committing to mixing ingredients
As a… – user I want… – a strategically-timed, comprehensive rebrand so that… – negative discourse regarding company practices can be briefly veiled with commentary regarding new name, logo, and brand assets, alongside excessively-shared parodies of the brand in meme format
As a… – Twitter user I want… – unlimited interactivity – centered in audio, video, messaging, payments/banking – creating a global marketplace for ideas, goods, services, and opportunities. so that… – It’s no longer possible to even parody this fucking shitshow.
As a… – user I want… – single sign on so that… – I can sign in every single fucking time
As a… – Mobile web user I want… – 80% off my first order
As a… – Twitter user I want… – significant selection bias applied to polls so that… – the amplified opinions of the diminutive minority, whose selection criteria was to pay $7, become further reinforced as the status quo
As a... – website visitor I want to... – visit the FAQ page so that... – I can read answers to a bunch of stupid questions that nobody has ever asked, littered with SEO keywords, that Barry from the marketing department insists is helping drive organic traffic
As a… – Twitter user I want… – 4,000 character tweets so that… – I can read a mindless self-indulgent soliloquy from some absolute fuc… Show More
Corey Quinn @QuinnyPig
99K Followers 976 Following Chief Cloud Economist at @DuckbillGroup. Father to @QuinnyPiglet & @theMunchQuinn. he/him Get my snarky take on AWS news: https://t.co/aGVMZnGzSV
DESIGN THINKING! Comi.. @DT_comic
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@[email protected].. @Ocramius
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Joe Natoli @joenatoli
18K Followers 2K Following Founder of the UX 365 Academy. Proud to have helped 300K UXers +designers sharpen their skills +propel their careers forward. Putting the gatekeepers on NOTICE.
Jack Garfinkel @Curio.. @CuriousScutter
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Kevlin Henney @KevlinHenney
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Jackie Bavaro @jackiebo
31K Followers 4K Following 📙 Cracking the PM Interview 📒 Cracking the PM Career 👩🏼💻 Previously Head of Product Management @ Asana, PM @ Google & Microsoft. jackieboba on threads
Kieran McHugh @kieranmch
10K Followers 428 Following Founder & CEO @daybridge. Formerly senior engineer @monzo. Piano player 🎹 🏳️🌈 He/Him. Contact me: 🧵 https://t.co/1YXxivWqYE ✉️ firstname @daybridge.com
Janna Bastow simplyba.. @simplybastow
32K Followers 2K Following Product 🤓 Invented Now-Next-Later roadmap Founder @ProdPad & @MindTheProduct writer speaker artist ADHD 🇨🇦/🇬🇧/🏳️🌈/she/they
Jeff Gothelf @jboogie
48K Followers 819 Following Co-author of Sense & Respond and Lean UX. Writing https://t.co/rSTOGAylwY Free newsletter on building great products: https://t.co/9VP0CWvsyV
Lauren LoPrete @laurenloprete
6K Followers 1K Following design systems • tumblr has-been • Snoopy sun • Lucy moon • Peppermint Patty rising …My last name is pronounced like La Pretz̶e̶l̶ 🥨
Emily Patterson @epatt6
6K Followers 2K Following Tech product person in infosec. 10+ years in #prodmgmt. Tired but happy mom. Chicana in Chicago. Always building 🛠️ now➡️ @inthelabpm. Tweets my own.
Alba Villamil @albanvillamil
6K Followers 3K Following Sociological User Researcher. Equity Design. Talks ethics at @HmntyCntrd. Dreams of retiring as a food blogger. She/her. Same on BlueSky & LinkedIn.
Content Design London @ContentDesignLN
13K Followers 5K Following We're a content design practice led by Sarah Winters. We work with organisations to transform their content. Sarah's Tweets signed S. Books: https://t.co/T9y1DwGk5a
Dan Meldrum @MeldrumDan
128 Followers 591 Following Twitter was originally designed for people to tell each other what they can't post on twitter.
Mike @mmaurialj
2 Followers 295 Following Academic background in healthcare admin & management; CS & infosec enthusiast.
andrea @aclc1972
0 Followers 11 Following
Eetu Paloheimo @EetuPaloheimo
188 Followers 275 Following Ecommerce, analytiikka, digihöystöt ja pelit laajalla skaalalla. #Lähinnä_stalkkaan
Tomislav Vujević @VujevicTom4721
0 Followers 36 Following
M U S E U M S™ @_MUSEUMS_
5 Followers 2K Following
Markéta Švidrnochov.. @marketadesigner
1 Followers 64 Following
Hugh Ross @hughrossdublin
61 Followers 755 Following
Luthfi Kurniawan @luthkur
262 Followers 2K Following A guy who likes anime, manga, video games, Idol, and voice actor.
kubectl @ladyinf0sec
6K Followers 2K Following #WomenInTech #SoftwareEngineer #Cloud #Backend #CyberSecurityLearner #DevSec
Druppimon ⭐️⭐�.. @GastonGrippi
22 Followers 68 Following
Importante empresa me.. @Edgar301
153 Followers 307 Following Cambiando el mundo a tuitazos. Una vez le di un sape al tren lokote.
Faraz Ahmed @RiazThaira
705 Followers 4K Following Right now in Pakistan been London city since 2009 to dec 23,got work experienced with different companies in all over d UK,working in Brixton n South London.
FTBGuideHater (grumpy.. @FTBGuideHater2
90 Followers 1K Following i'm me (grumpy c) priv @_39Q4LD_AP__ ftbguidemaker dni free palestine cis male he him 15 minor love computer smart dumbass
Muhire 🎨 @jrbmuhire
85 Followers 321 Following Software Architect | Amateur Astronomer | Math - Technology - Philosophy | Gamer in free time
Bikash @bikashc043
157 Followers 523 Following Associate Engineer @capgemini turned product enthusiast. Crafting user-centric experiences. Let's innovate together! Views are my own
🦨. @HUNDMANi
21 Followers 258 Following
Yellow (final version.. @fu11Course
7 Followers 483 Following If you're curious why I'm private now, you can read below 👇
FloatingMilkshake @FloatyMilkshake
20 Followers 77 Following
Chloe ✿____________.. @chloelol0
650 Followers 987 Following Im 13 | she/her 🏳️⚧️ | michigander :3 | @ chloe @ chadthundercock . com | https://t.co/hkmFA1ajmM
🎀🔪 blusk @Bluskript
178 Followers 591 Following 🪡 A fleeting life, an eternal sun, and a luminous sky. @blusk on discord
Jayshern @JayShern98
30 Followers 97 Following
Paris 🏳️⚧�.. @OctrDev
858 Followers 5K Following (She/They) Intern Tech Designer @Hypixel Working on @Hytale All views & opinions are my own. Rig: @luciamiauvy Model: @BubblegumiiArts
NeedPizza @NeedPizza42
70 Followers 782 Following
montague @MontagueMont
4K Followers 934 Following swe @improbableio / @imperialcollege, reverse engineering for artists is my passion, he/him,
Logan Magee @lberrymage
129 Followers 134 Following Christian and software developer focused on application and OS security. Creator of @accrescentapp. bsky: @lberrymage.dev | fedi: @[email protected]
Sven @Svenlaa
79 Followers 174 Following he/him ♂️ building great websites 🏗️🌐💻 weeb 🇯🇵 reader of great books 📚
Mats @Matszs
230 Followers 350 Following Tech, onderwijs, ... 🦖 Ik Twitter voornamelijk over mijn (kapotte) fiets...
nex @nex_anx
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BizzarBlitz @BizzarBlitz
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Lalamichi💮 @lalamichiu
4K Followers 1K Following ENG/SPA Hiya! My name is Lore 🔰Mom 🔰Informática ✨️Final Fantasy ✨️Digimon ✨️Anime
Niccolò Vé @veggero
4K Followers 360 Following I contribute to KDE, I like math, I write some poetry, and I'm a fan of open data and open source. he/him
Belsi 🦊❤️🚲 @BelsiFox
3K Followers 633 Following he/him｜19｜DMs open!｜frequent (st)road cyclist｜software engineer｜built different (worse)｜gay｜cringe｜SFW｜🎽🪡: @FreakyStudios｜FTP: ask
Diogo @diogo_vn_
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mothers of karthikeya @halfcurried
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Serious Tech News @serioustechnewz
88 Followers 60 Following Totally serious tech news. It's on the internet so it must be true. Wanna write for us? DMs open!
God’sfavour Osemweg.. @mira_osato
0 Followers 18 Following
Lead designer: "What action do you want the user take on this screen?" PM: "Yes"
@ShitUserStory Your User Stories are a delight and a ray of, slightly jaded/cynical/worldly, sunshine in my dealings with 'stakeholders' and 'product owners' (sarcastic apostrophes my own)
Happy 2 Years, 3 Months and 24 Days birthday to one of the greatest posts in the history of Twitter 😂
As a… – Crypto bro I want to… – tell everyone we are taking back control from the evil wealth-driven ultra-rich so that… – I too may become ultra-rich
💥🧑🎓 Announcing: Lenny’s Newsletter Fellowship Program I’m launching a three-month fellowship program, and applications are now open. What it is: Work alongside me to learn how I do what I do, share your unique knowledge with the world (through guest posts), and jump-start (or…
Friday morning and I’m getting cooked
people dunk on PMs all the time, but working with a great one is a sublime experience
I think realistically in the last 5 years, every single year Google search has got worse LinkedIn has got worse Twitter has got worse Google maps has got worse Online ads have got worse Amazon has got worse Uber - worse Airbnb - worse I really don’t like complaining but…
As a: Concert visitor I want to: Go through the mandatory password reset of the app (with the 2FA text only arriving +1 minute later) So that: I can get my ticket scanned at the door (while holding up the line) Because: "SeCuRiTy" Really, @Ticketmaster? 🤷♂️ /cc @ShitUserStory
You know an iOS release is big when it comes with its own reveal videos. Fingers crossed for iOS 18 🤞 iOS 7 and iOS 14:
Sam Bankman-Fried has just been sentenced to 25 years in prison.
We literally improved the overall experience of being a Microsoft Windows user by designing iTunes for Windows iPod owners and now we're supposed to make the messaging experience for Android better for a company that stole our intellectual property for the iPhone simply because…
The idea that Apple is anti-competitive by "making other products worse" is so insulting to anyone who understands how hard it is to improve upon the end-to-end experience for literally the entire world.
Any of you older tech millennials notice apps got... worse somehow? Like the basic usability stuff: account logins not working, patterns that are incredibly unusual...?
.@ShitUserStory As a job applicant, I want to upload my resume to prefill my work experience for every role I apply to at the same company so that I can spend the next hour editing my job history in the prefilled form.
@ShitUserStory "7. Don’t Validate Fields Before Input is Complete" nngroup.com/articles/error…
As a user of this platform, I want to read comments that do not include pornbots because wtf. cc: @ShitUserStory
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