Simon Lewis @SlimySimie

My phone still autocorrects “ate” to “are” every time, even though I talk about what I ate at least 6 times a day. iPhone, when will you just accept me for who I am?

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Simon Lewis @SlimySimie

7 years ago

I’m starting to think that my cats might not speak English

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Simon Lewis @SlimySimie

8 years ago

Did anybody like “patchy the pirate” or did we all just suffer through his weird cringe scenes to get to the quality 30 min spongebob episodes?

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Simon Lewis @SlimySimie

8 years ago

ME: *looks nothing like a wildly outdated, perfectly angled, slightly touched up photo of myself* ANYONE WITH EYES: *points that out* ME:

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Simon Lewis @SlimySimie

8 years ago

The only thing I was ever best at was speed stacking, and my one regret is that I never went pro -an autobiography, by Simon Lewis

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Simon Lewis @SlimySimie

8 years ago

I dunno if I’m lactose intolerant or something, but every time I eat an entire pizza it really upsets my tummy.

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The bus driver started moving while I was sitting down and I kinda landed with my full body weight on my funny bone on the armrest. I have no idea how loud I yelped cause I’m wearing headphones. How’s ur night going?

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Rads @_radsy

8 years ago

Yes it do be

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Simon Lewis @SlimySimie

8 years ago

Rolling up the entire rim incase it says “please play... lots of good music in the car you’ve just won”

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Simon Lewis @SlimySimie

8 years ago

The crazy thing is there are still guys trying to make the top knot happen.

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Simon Lewis @SlimySimie

8 years ago

People tell me I seem much older than 20. Not sure if it’s cause I’m mature for my age or I’m just tired all the time and get mad about useless stuff.