satan @SophieJoslyn
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ pull the levah kronk Joined November 2011-
Tweets11K
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Followers247
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Following241
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Likes28K
🧵 My pregnant wife called me at work, she said — Something Is Wrong. She was distraught. She said she was heading to our OB/GYN. I told her I’d meet her there.
Yoooo she is so based. I wish I was confident enough to be able to just drop a 2 year relationship at the first sign of major red flag like this! 🚩
The gaslighting is crazy
1/ On rounds at Grady Me: "How're you feeling today?" Him: "Well. I been better. That medicine y'all gave me made me run off!" My team looked puzzled. I did not. Me: "Oh no! You talking 'bout the medicine we gave you for your gout flare up?" Him: "Yeah! That one!"
HOLD ON HOLD ON HOLD ON...HER SISTER WAS A WITCH RIGHT? AND WHAT WAS HER SISTER? A PRINCESS, THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST BRO. YOU'RE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME THAT I'M WRONG? AM I WRONG? SHE WORE A CROWN AND SHE CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE
BIRTH CONTROL SHOULD BE FOR MEN… IT SHOULD HAVE ALWAYS BEEN FOR MEN
BIRTH CONTROL SHOULD BE FOR MEN… IT SHOULD HAVE ALWAYS BEEN FOR MEN
“Pissed off they cant afford it” I’ve been rationing my diabetic medication for weeks because my medication is on back order because you bitches wanna be skinny.
“Pissed off they cant afford it” I’ve been rationing my diabetic medication for weeks because my medication is on back order because you bitches wanna be skinny.
please fucking watch this batshit trailer
please fucking watch this batshit trailer
How is this legal?
Remember — Trump has ALWAYS been cruel, heartless and greedy.
For a fun game, let's do a tour of the unit @Airbnb refuses to give me a refund for! I'm sure they'd hate if you liked it shared this, which seems to be the only way to get their attention. Let's start with the entryway. Not off to a great start re: cleanliness.
This is how you write a headline.
Cry more, you sad little incel. Taylor Swift has TWO cats; is a global superstar billionaire; revolutionized the business for women by taking on the dude who took her playlist AND streaming services; took the guy who sexually assaulted her to court and won; AND has a hot NFL…
Cry more, you sad little incel. Taylor Swift has TWO cats; is a global superstar billionaire; revolutionized the business for women by taking on the dude who took her playlist AND streaming services; took the guy who sexually assaulted her to court and won; AND has a hot NFL…
I was just thinking last night that one of the main reasons we have so many abortion bans is because men don't understand pregnancy. Dozens of women are suing in Texas in the Zurwaski case because men don't understand it's not healthy to keep a dying fetus in your fucking body
It’s Friday the 13th (in October) which means you have to give all black cats an extra treat and a little smooch on their head
The real job of police is to violently protect the status quo, not keep us safe.
The real job of police is to violently protect the status quo, not keep us safe.
I’m so glad Miley Cyrus became a legend. I remember in middle school my math teacher was like “let’s see where she is in 10 years”, and here we are, 10 years later with Miley being a legend and my math teacher being in jail for sleeping with students. Bless.
mikaila 🖤 @casuallyextra
452 Followers 569 Following Traveling self-made makeup artist and beauty expert PR/Business: [email protected]
Austin White @WhiteWayPDX
1K Followers 814 Following Current Businessman 👔 Former '17 UO Track and Field Athlete 🐥 A look into my paradise 🌤😌
pAIGE lANDOLL @paigelandoll
720 Followers 543 Following my favorite pastime is roasting myself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
University of Oregon @uoregon
151K Followers 8K Following Oregon's flagship research university tucked into the scenic Willamette Valley. 💚💛 #UOregon #GoDucks
Pierre Benly @pierrebenly1
61 Followers 598 Following Termine mon études classique je électricité bâtiment pour métier et rêvé d'être militaire dans ma vie dommage la vie ne voulait pas ça..
BringMeDaMcChicken @PattyBarrelFan
739 Followers 4K Following God, Family, and San Francisco Sports||Twitch Affliate || Podcaster https://t.co/fjLXnw99Fw
Dev @Devvy__Devito
148 Followers 205 Following if it’s cringe, I was being ironic. if I’m nice with it, I was being genuine
Erica Rhodes @ericarhodes
137K Followers 147K Following I like the ocean & coffee. My second album, Ladybug out now on iTunes.
Mothman’s GF 🧚�.. @mickyd716
275 Followers 555 Following She/Her/Hers. Just looking for people that want to see my ancestry DNA results.
leonard @elena_wolff
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guapo @noe_mozo
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willQ🍒 @willqueets
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SHAREEZA @shareezakamal_
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Jacob Hirsch @Jacob_b_hirsch
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Health and Fitness @JStedman8
32 Followers 377 Following Health and Fitness products daily follow my feed for all the newest hottest products!!! Also got some of the highest discounts.
Listen Up PDX @ListenUpPDX
160 Followers 210 Following Portland's first pop-up podcast festival, presented by Travel Portland. February 14-17, 2019 🎧 #ListenUpPDX Tickets on sale now 👇🏽
Erin Moody @erinsmoody
234 Followers 202 Following Turn your face to the sun, and all shadows will fall behind you 🌖
Brooke Freeman @brookeeefreeman
85 Followers 173 Following
Benay Fossey @BenayOwens
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Christian Vitale @christianvits
347 Followers 394 Following
ReliaBill @BillVierregger
222 Followers 711 Following
Julian Lopez @juliansdayoff22
1K Followers 507 Following Digital Communications | Former Sports Reporter @modbeepreps | @Cronkite_ASU Alum | 2028 Team USA Table Tennis Hopeful
Bay Hawk @baybrisk
572 Followers 343 Following Briscoe. Aquarius. Avid-speaker. Gluten-full. And 100% jazzed to meet you.
Ethan @ethanbrutzkus
258 Followers 677 Following
Jessica Bright @jessi2cuhhh
48 Followers 97 Following
Ryan Hunter-Simms @RJHS8
745 Followers 501 Following Head TF Coach, Pacific University @boxertfxc🐲 University of Oregon TF Alumnus✊🐥
Sam Hickman @60sjh
95 Followers 276 Following WARNING: This twitter contains absolutely nothing of value
Amanda Carver @a_carver20
214 Followers 185 Following
corrina @hellocorrina
246 Followers 233 Following
fat ass kelly price @awwiesmith
432 Followers 302 Following
Sage @riddickul0us
501 Followers 268 Following go ducks 🦆 | go blue devils 😈 | #BLM | tweets are my own | she/her
rayylodge @rayylodge
186 Followers 251 Following
кαүℓα яιcнα.. @kaylajaneee14
176 Followers 388 Following • when nothing is certain, anything is possible •
Everyone In LA @EveryoneIn_LA
38K Followers 3K Following Ending homelessness by ensuring everyone has a home, increasing care, & organizing in every neighborhood across L.A. County. #EveryoneIn powered by @launitedway
Claire Dragich @drags93
133 Followers 322 Following
Taylor Walker @patio_baby
196 Followers 152 Following Very productive. Great in pots. An all-American selection.
Rachel @Reisabove
291 Followers 204 Following
mikaila 🖤 @casuallyextra
452 Followers 569 Following Traveling self-made makeup artist and beauty expert PR/Business: [email protected]
Austin White @WhiteWayPDX
1K Followers 814 Following Current Businessman 👔 Former '17 UO Track and Field Athlete 🐥 A look into my paradise 🌤😌
pAIGE lANDOLL @paigelandoll
720 Followers 543 Following my favorite pastime is roasting myself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
University of Oregon @uoregon
151K Followers 8K Following Oregon's flagship research university tucked into the scenic Willamette Valley. 💚💛 #UOregon #GoDucks
Exactly Right @ExactlyRight
63K Followers 59 Following Created by @KarenKilgariff and @GHardstark. Exactly Right is the podcast home for fans of true crime, comedy, pop culture and more!
Reductress @Reductress
298K Followers 657 Following The one and only fake women's news magazine. Shop, learn and listen to everything Reductress: https://t.co/rZ2ivP7vKO
Cats That Heal Your D.. @Catshealdeprsn
897K Followers 29 Following Best account to heal your anxiety or depression
cats with jobs 🛠 @CatWorkers
2.2M Followers 172 Following Good cats being workers • Unionized • Mascot @JobertTheCat • Takedown/credit/submissions: [email protected]
Dev @Devvy__Devito
148 Followers 205 Following if it’s cringe, I was being ironic. if I’m nice with it, I was being genuine
WholesomeMemes @WholesomeMeme
3.1M Followers 294 Following 🇨🇦 We post memes, comics, wholesome stuff & anything we like. Get original shirts to raise money for charity https://t.co/Upa2OFOAJk
Women Posting W's @womenpostingws
774K Followers 10 Following celebrating wins, sweet, funny, and girly things :) @jasminericegirl
Steven Ray Morris @StevenRayMorris
112K Followers 3K Following Okapi in my next life. Podcast Producer/Engineer/Editor. He/Him 💖💜💙 Podcasts: @sjrpod, Keanan and Lakin. Formerly: @MyFavMurder, @ThePurrrcast.
Anna Granta ADHD Coac.. @annagranta
13K Followers 1K Following Coach for neurodivergent adults. Speaker. I help adults with #ADHD, #Dyslexia, and #Autism find more success at work with less stress. Cambridge UK.
Letters of Note @LettersOfNote
602K Followers 2K Following Newsletter: https://t.co/26tUigp5Ez | Books: https://t.co/lRIsmuqxT0 | Diaries: @diariesofnote | Live: @letterslive | Me: @shaunusher
Georgia Hardstark @GHardstark
308K Followers 1K Following Half of the My Favorite Murder podcast & @ExactlyRight podcast network. I like true crime, food, and cats but not all at once. She/her ❤️
My Favorite Murder @MyFavMurder
342K Followers 460 Following The original true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff & Georgia Hardstark - part of the @exactlyright network. [email protected]
Saturday Night Live -.. @nbcsnl
3.4M Followers 694 Following The official X of Saturday Night Live. Watch on @nbc and @peacock. Streaming next day on Peacock.
Cow of the Day🐮 @CowoftheDay1
117K Followers 347 Following DM your submissions 💗We don’t own content published 🐮 family:@frogofthe @hamsterofthe @goatofthe @rabbitoftheday @pigofthe @Dogofthe_ @DonkeyoftheDay1
willQ🍒 @willqueets
17 Followers 76 Following
SHAREEZA @shareezakamal_
636 Followers 441 Following
Annemarie Guido @MissGuidoLietz
105 Followers 85 Following Second grade teacher at Lietz Elementary School!🦁 #lietzpride #usdlearns
ellie schnitt! @holy_schnitt
556K Followers 593 Following (e)girl next door• https://t.co/jHrUCSZWSj• podcaster!! • she/her • IG: ellie_schnitt • business inquiries: @unitedtalent [email protected]
Brooke Freeman @brookeeefreeman
85 Followers 173 Following
Demi Burnett @demi_burnett
297K Followers 192 Following You can’t spell DIME without DEMI 🧡 The North remembers 🧡 Disgruntled Female 🧡 #actuallyautistic 🧡 [email protected]
A Long Walk Home @ALongWalkHome
7K Followers 280 Following Founded in 2003, A Long Walk Home is a non-profit that uses art to educate, engage, and empower young people to end violence against girls and women.
Sam Hickman @60sjh
95 Followers 276 Following WARNING: This twitter contains absolutely nothing of value
Partners In Health @PIH
281K Followers 1K Following A social justice & global health organization striving to make health care a human right for all people, starting with those who need it most #InjusticeHasACure
Miley Cyrus @MileyCyrus
46.2M Followers 77 Following Doctor (Work It Out) OUT NOW https://t.co/yLdjWxFtkO
Krystyna Hutchinson @KrystynaHutch
51K Followers 2K Following stand-up comedian, co-host of @guyswefcked passionate about aliens and extreme weather
CORINNE FISHER @PhilanthropyGal
64K Followers 4K Following comedian. author. director. pundit. 🖤 LISTEN 2 MY PODCASTS @guyswefcked & #withoutacountry
maura quint @behindyourback
114K Followers 1K Following Elon Musk is a piss baby. Rarely checking this account. Follow me at mauraquint on bluesky, insta, tt, etc. Contact: quintmaura@ gmail
Bay Hawk @baybrisk
572 Followers 343 Following Briscoe. Aquarius. Avid-speaker. Gluten-full. And 100% jazzed to meet you.
Ryan Hunter-Simms @RJHS8
745 Followers 501 Following Head TF Coach, Pacific University @boxertfxc🐲 University of Oregon TF Alumnus✊🐥
Marilyn MonHOE @CupcakKe_rapper
600K Followers 8K Following [email protected] https://t.co/EwLyMdTmpX https://t.co/5EQw7Mn5SW
fat ass kelly price @awwiesmith
432 Followers 302 Following
Sage @riddickul0us
501 Followers 268 Following go ducks 🦆 | go blue devils 😈 | #BLM | tweets are my own | she/her
Zac Efron @ZacEfron
14.5M Followers 107 Following
rayylodge @rayylodge
186 Followers 251 Following
кαүℓα яιcнα.. @kaylajaneee14
176 Followers 388 Following • when nothing is certain, anything is possible •
Claire Dragich @drags93
133 Followers 322 Following
"mental illness used to be the ups and downs of life" No, mental illness used to be your mum taking to her bed for 20 years with what was euphemistically called "nerves".
One time in undergrad I put off writing a paper until the day it was due and I woke up at 4 am and wrote 15 pages in one sitting, and it turned out totally fine and I got good feedback. It's the worst thing that ever happened to me and I wish I could go back in time and undo it
Oh hell no. He was force dressing her so she could entertain an announced guest? Nope.
On a date a guy told me he had met a woman from an app that showed up 40lbs heavier than she appeared in photos He said this like I should be horrified for him. Like he had been harmed With a straight face he said “that should be considered fraud” Someone get me another cat
Prague is probably the world's most beautiful city. Here's why... (thread) 🧵
@BenMullin I’m not sure she would consider this behavior “pro wife”
My wife isn't going to divorce me for stealing some of her élite, $$$ moisturizer. That's not what marriage is about. She'll add it to the ledger of her petty resentments, which when balanced against mine, come out more or less even. *That's* what marriage is about.
Wife accused me of stealing her élite moisturizer because I’ve been looking “way too dewy.” And guess what? She’s right. Stuff is a game changer that they’ve been hiding from us, boys.
I'm not crying, you're crying!
26. The Quokka. Possibly the happiest animal on Earth.
19. Crows understand water displacement at the level of a 5 to 7 year-old child
12. A true a wildlife photographer like Nick Kleer knows how to avoid scaring off animals by seamlessly blending in with his surroundings.
@mummabryan Unironically happened to us too. People would have “interventions” with him about how he spends too much time with me and we were “acting married”… so we got married & none of them were invited 😵💫
@OKAYYYWOWWW Like I am so sorry your man doesn’t do that for you babe but that is not my problem
10. Baby tiger sneaks up on its mom
8. Bear cub catching snowflakes
6. Seal scares a baby polar bear
Caught my dad sending an absolute unit of a text
@ask_aubry You just don't understand, guys. Kayla's AMAZING! Like an awesome person who habitually cheats and has OP lie to her partners. All they did was hook up at his gf's birthday, I mean come on, now. (Did he mention Kayla is AMAZING???)
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