Jason Albert @_JasonAlbert
your mom goes to college Countyville City, USA Joined January 2015-
Tweets2K
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Followers799
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Following371
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Likes370
Jason Albert retweeted
Clark Kent: *removing his glasses before sleep* Goodnight dear. Lois Lane: *screaming* Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my bed?! Clark Kent *under his breath*: Every. Frickin'. Night.
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Jason Albert retweeted
Peloton was unprepared for the cyclical nature of its business.
Jason Albert retweeted
Men eventually reach the age when they greet each other with "There he is."
Jason Albert retweeted
they’re not “red flags” they’re “fun facts about me”
Jason Albert retweeted
Her skin was like porcelain. Toiletface, they called her.
Jason Albert retweeted
Before the Crowbar was invented, Crows had to drink at Home. . . . .
Jason Albert retweeted
The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.
Jason Albert retweeted
Today my doctor said “you look extra pale, have you been feeling okay?” and I responded “this is just how I look in January” and she wrote that down.
Jason Albert retweeted
it’s like a trap bugs bunny would set
Jason Albert retweeted
Take your age and add 5 years to it. That is your age in 5 years.
Jason Albert retweeted
The first rule of OCD club is to include a second rule so we have an even number of rules.
Jason Albert retweeted
Why stop at onion rings? I want an onion necklace. We have the technology
Jason Albert retweeted
My wife can eat one Reese's peanut butter cup and save the other one for later. So I'm clearly married to a supernatural being.
Jason Albert retweeted
the helium shortage is only being made worse by inflation
Jason Albert retweeted
Of course I'm selfish. Did you think I was youish?
Jason Albert retweeted
Ha - Mildly amusing Ha ha - Funny Ha ha ha - Side splittingly humorous Ha ha ha ha - Staying Alive
Jason Albert retweeted
Due to the extreme cold, Walmart customers are being asked to wear two pairs of pajamas.
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