emily🍄 @_emilypilcher
Joined April 2015-
Tweets355
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Followers239
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Following45
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Likes2K
I just screamed 😭😭😭😭
i gotta figure out some insane rules for my kid that she doesn't question until she gets older. “no pink lemonade in this house. it’s unnatural” and she’s like right of course, lemons are yellow, it’s unnatural. then decades from now she’s in a college dining hall like Wait What.
whenever a girl posts a selfie w a song over it on her story i always sit thru the whole 15 seconds bc i know she spent a good 5 minutes selecting the perfect 15 seconds to put over her selfie & it’s part of the selfie viewing experience
white people shit is putting christmas presents in cereal boxes
no one hates your ex more than your best friend 😭
*going up to happy couple who’ve clearly been together for some time* hey is this guy fucking bothering you?
When the homie add me as a reference:
so happy my bestfriend is single again man ain’t nobody gettin rid of meeee 🤪
Sagittarius right before they say the most outrageous thing you’ve ever heard
my biggest character flaw is when someone says “you wont.” i most definitely will
me and my bros are just lost.
everytime i see political leaders i can’t unsee them dressed as women with wigs on
“i can’t fix your parents Cadillac but i can buy you sushi”
You 👏 don’t 👏 owe 👏 your 👏 new 👏 born 👏 baby 👏 any 👏 thing 👏
the amount of times i call people and they think i’m trying to sell something and hangup, dude someone’s tryna break into your house but okay
why did i just watch a girl get her toes sucked on stage at rolling loud
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