Catman @andrewpcrouch

You know how people used to write offensive things on the bathroom stall and now they just rage tweet instead? Which part of the process makes people want to sitpost?

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Catman @andrewpcrouch

4 years ago

I'm tired of doing all this stuff for my future self, it's time he started pulling his own weight around here... My past self though, now he is a great guy who's always doing things for me!

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Catman @andrewpcrouch

4 years ago

Do you think in 3000 years humanoid archeologists will be digging up old tweets frozen in time in the ether like "wow check this one out Yondu, this guy was way behind the times..."

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Catman @andrewpcrouch

4 years ago

Imagine a world where Bezos sent a toy for every kid who has a wishlist in their Amazon account as long as they've been good based on the cookies that they have provided to his cloud service...

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Catman @andrewpcrouch

4 years ago

Bri #PupweiserContest @budweiserusa

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Catman @andrewpcrouch

5 years ago

Oh boy I can't wait for daylight wastings time!

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Catman @andrewpcrouch

5 years ago

Memes are just inside jokes for the entire internet

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Ok hear me out: replace the elephant as the conservative mascot with Shrek. Democrats will be forced to like conservatives and conservatives will not like democrats at first, but eventually come around and the political divide can heal.

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Catman @andrewpcrouch

5 years ago

He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good... Hmm... Are we absolutely sure there are no employees named Chris Cringle work at Google and/or Amazon?

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Catman @andrewpcrouch

5 years ago

*gasp* David Chappelle?! That's right bitch merrrr merrrrrr! #Ticket2Unity @billmaher @BoingBoing @JohnCena @ArticlesOfUnity

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Catman @andrewpcrouch

6 years ago

Don't look at it like: "I only burn 100 calories per mile running..." Look at it like: "wow, a single boiled egg can power me for almost a whole mile!"

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Catman @andrewpcrouch

7 years ago

Mitch Hedberg thought we should limit the number of car horn honks to 3 per month. I think the same applies to social media posts. You'll go to tweet something inconsequential and say: "well I wish I hadn't commented on Ricky's picture of a chalk outline on the sidewalk!"