fat joey @bigfatjoeyboy
big bitch Joined December 2019-
Tweets106
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Followers750
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Following2K
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Likes91
me: idk, it’s dumb therapist: this is a safe space, u can tell me anything me: ok, sometimes i look in the mirror and forget i exist and get scared bc i think my reflection is another person therapist: lol what? that’s the dumbest shit i’ve ever heard
[at a museum] tour guide: and this right here- me: IS MY PRETTY BOY SWAG tour guide: AY
[at starbucks] barista: caramel frap for pussy bitch boy me: that’s not my name barista: *checks cup* yeah sorry we’re really bad at spelling names lol
[wedding] priest: do you take her to be your- me: *lays down* her: what are you doing me: nap time :)
cop: i pulled u over for speeding me: ya i was goin super fast huh cop: yeah lol it was fuckin sick
her: i want to have a baby me: ok [later] me: *holding baby* her: where the fuck did u get that
[at funeral] guy: would anyone like to say any words me: yes. chimichanga guy: i didn’t mean just any- me: breakdance guy: who the fuck is this guy
[red robin headquarters] CEO: we need a catchphrase me: *half asleep, stuffing my face full of mac n cheese* yum :) CEO: that’s fucking genius
waiter: do you wanna box for your leftovers me: *putting fists in the air* ok i’ll fight you for them
drinking a cup of coffee: -acquired taste -does it rly wake you up? -can be expensive injecting coffee directly into your ass: -no taste needed -would be surprised if it didn’t wake u up -unknown cost as this has never been done
[at petsmart] me: i’ll take 1 lizard employee: ok me: i’m gonna name it lizzo employee: cool me: she’s gonna be 100% that bitch employee: alright
[first day as a therapist] patient: i just feel worthless me: patient: like nothing i do is good enough me: patient: me: idk what to say everything ur saying is true lol
[in hell] satan: maybe if you had written tragedies instead of sins you wouldn’t be here panic at the disco: fuck
genie: ok last wish me: i wish i had 1 more wish genie: ok.. last wish again me: i wish i had another wish genie: *sigh* ok. last wish me: i wish i had anoth- genie: i’m done, i’m fucking done
friend: girls like guys that take what they want me: ok [later] me: *carrying 70” tv out of best buy* her: are u stealing that
[first day as a waiter] me: manager: me: manager: what the fuck are you waiting for go take orders me: wait is literally in the job title how the fuck was i supposed to know
me: i’m gonna go get some crocs her: *sighing* ok me: *chasing crocodiles* this is for steve irwin you fuckers
satan: welcome to hell, this is your house me: this doesn’t seem so bad satan: the FRIENDS laugh track plays on repeat forever me: get me the fuck out of here
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