_clean_comedy_ @cleancomedy1
Clean comedy for the whole family. Come here for the joke of the day, everyday! Joined October 2021-
Tweets27
-
Followers6
-
Following99
-
Likes14
A religious fanatic killed his own family by planting bombs throughout their home, and detonating the house while his wife and three children were sleeping. The tragic occasion has rapidly made international headlines... I guess you could say the story blew up overnight.
I have so much respect for the folks of past generations. Not only did they walk miles and miles to attend school every morning, but they also had to wait until the monthly clothing magazine arrived to have something to jerk off to.
I love the Do-It-Yourself spirit of the IRA and the publicity they received, those car bombs really blew up.
Snickers advertisements always say, "You're not you when you're hungry." No wonder Ethiopia has a huge identity crisis.
PART 3: Upon returning home, he was quite distraught. When I asked what was wrong, he said "I was kicked out when I asked the waiter why Hindus give head to the elephant god."
PART 2: (Sidebar, my grandfather is hard of hearing and his memory is not quite what it used to be.) My grandfather found this fascinating, so later that evening he went to the Indian restaurant in town to see if he could possibly learn more.
PART 1: I was having a conversation with my grandfather about Hinduism, who was rather confused by the subject. I explained to him that instead of the western interpretation of God, hinduism depicts many Gods. I said, "The main God, Vishnu, has the head of an elephant."
They say there's more than one way to skin a cat, but what I really want to know is, how do you keep it alive afterwards?
Q: What did the fisherman say to the prostitute? A: Well rub my pearl and call me an oyster, you smell like the morning catch!
The band Eiffel 65 is facing legal charges for allegedly inciting the suicide of a devoted fan. In his suicide letter, the victim wrote “Eiffel 65 makes me wanna dee dabba dee dabba die.”
Q: What do you call a gangster who kills his girlfriend? A: OG Simpson
Q: What has sturdy frame, lights up when you turn it on, and wears a big hat? A: A lamp, you sick pervert!
My friend has started up a cheese production company out of his own home. The start up has been easy for him, considering his lack of hygiene and his uncircumcised penis.
Fun Fact from History: Aodlf Hitler would've saved 20% of his spendings on killings Jews if he just put the epileptic people in a rave.
WIN this extremely limited personalised & signed commemorative platinum award! Celebrating the album "Joyland" spending 2 weeks at the top of the Official Album Chart ❤️ To win it simply comment, share it and like it 👍 we'll announce the winner live at 8pm. We've only had…
I'm pretty good with cardinal direction, but I'm uncomfortable with the Cardinal's erection.
I never understood thrill seekers jumping out of planes etc., when you can just have unprotected sex.
What's the difference between God and Bigfoot? People don't start wars over bigfoot.
I love the air freshener scent "Black Ice," but it doesn't seem to resemble the smell of airbags and blood on my steering wheel.
Xyz @MJo114566
473 Followers 5K Following
Lorie @Lorie1517062
2 Followers 130 Following
SussexfullyThriving �... @stillIrize44572
116 Followers 274 Following Proudly support H&M, the Sussex Squad and anyone against injustice for whatever reason. Bitter trolls. BE WARNED. I go LOW on Emergency.
Sensual Memoirs Offic... @SensualMemoirs
38 Followers 156 Following Poet/Writer/Mother #Life is what you make of it
Gabriel Cañizares @GabrielCaizare5
10 Followers 123 Following
coveredinpunk @coveredinpunk
75K Followers 73K Following #1 Charting Comedy Album "Dr. Demento Covered in Punk"! All-new two-hour 'Demented Punk' extravaganza out now #DrDemento #WeirdAl #DementedPunk #CoveredinPunk
Jim Norton @JimNorton
511K Followers 252 Following https://t.co/4EJ6oGdFls or for TICKETS click https://t.co/yKiqjonV2d
bob saget @bobsaget
1.9M Followers 776 Following I like long walks on the beach...and then to be dragged through the sand by an off-road vehicle, and then hurled off a catapult.
RealGilbertACP @RealGilbertACP
14K Followers 2K Following Comedy legend Gilbert Gottfried's podcast about Hollywood history, co-hosted by Frank Santopadre. REWIND episodes every Monday AND Thursday.
Todd Barry @toddbarry
271K Followers 1K Following YouTube: DOMESTIC SHORTHAIR Netflix: SPICY HONEY Prime: THE CROWD WORK TOUR Book: THANK YOU FOR COMING TO HATTIESBURG https://t.co/AgBudWd5Ff
Doug Stanhope @DougStanhope
363K Followers 739 Following Leader of My Own Free World. Facebook: https://t.co/N5Cq8FQXmv… Instagram: https://t.co/2ORtBo54ww https://t.co/9EzfP1pPZ9
Luis J. Gomez @luisjgomez
181K Followers 1K Following I am a comedian. 🇵🇷🐍 | 2026 #RattleMeThis Tour Dates https://t.co/53D914B2nx
Dave Attell @attell
410K Followers 418 Following Upcoming Dates: https://t.co/7c9wAcxa4c #HotCrossBuns now streaming on Netflix!
Sam Roberts @notsam
136K Followers 2K Following Notsam | Sam Roberts’ Show on SiriusXM | WWE | Satisfying Pod | Peacock | A&E
Stern Show @sternshow
713K Followers 697 Following Get more Howard Stern on the @SiriusXM app! ➡️ https://t.co/3Pt1ZnYZT4 Call or text anytime: 1-833-STERN-SHOW
SHULI @shalomshuli
149K Followers 4K Following Comic, Writer, Broadcaster, Father, Husband, YNWA proud 🇮🇱🇮🇱🇮🇱🇮🇱
eddie pepitone @eddiepepitone
80K Followers 2K Following PATREON: https://t.co/dm05RJWHYP / APOCALYPSE SOON Pod: https://t.co/S6IV0RUbna / THE COLLAPSE New Special: https://t.co/Hu7NtE57MA
Artie Lange @artiequitter
364K Followers 649 Following Tour, podcast, contact and more at https://t.co/zoyVUnODRC
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert
366K Followers 2K Following The official Twitter page for Gilbert Gottfried
coveredinpunk @coveredinpunk
75K Followers 73K Following #1 Charting Comedy Album "Dr. Demento Covered in Punk"! All-new two-hour 'Demented Punk' extravaganza out now #DrDemento #WeirdAl #DementedPunk #CoveredinPunk
Hannah Hiemstra @HiemstraHannah
1 Followers 0 Following
Úna Monaghan @una_music
2K Followers 802 Following Harp, live sound, electronics. Ms / Dr Lecturer in Sound and Music at Queen’s University Belfast AONARACHT for traditional musicians and electronics out now
LANKUM @LankumDublin
20K Followers 2K Following GHOST TOWN, TICKETS & MERCH... https://t.co/zrQm5rbnVy
Aoife Granville @aoifegranville
5K Followers 3K Following Lecturer in Folklore/Béaloideas UCC.Flute player. PhD (Dingle Wren).Board member @artscouncil_ie Knitter & GAA enthusiast 💚💛 ❤️🤍
Aoife Nic Cormaic @TheRollingWave
5K Followers 1K Following The Rolling Wave radio programme named after a famous traditional Irish tune, it features the best of Irish traditional and folk music.
Jonathan Pearson @jonlikesjumpers
2K Followers 640 Following Artist & Festival Manager, Creative Producer, Curator. @islander_ie @newmusicdublin @innimusic @quietlightsfest
Lynette Fay @LynetteFay
11K Followers 4K Following Broadcaster • Presenter• Freelance • Corporate Event Host/ MC • Gaeilge•
KLOF Mag @klofmag
27K Followers 937 Following Independent music zine. Music from the Margins: Reviews, Interviews, Guest Features, News + Human Curated Playlists and Mixtapes
Alannah Thornburgh @alannahharp
884 Followers 644 Following Musician from the wild wild west of Ireland.
Ultan @ultan_
311 Followers 448 Following
Nathan Hoctor @NathanHoctor
103 Followers 251 Following 26. Composer and sound designer. he/him SoundCloud: https://t.co/uFUm19mVyQ Instagram: https://t.co/Xx8v8EHBGU
Sean Breheny @seanbreheny97
45 Followers 159 Following
Keywest @Keywestofficial
23K Followers 968 Following Tickets for live shows available on our website https://t.co/qTgIuCPzYs❤️
The GAA @officialgaa
484K Followers 158 Following Gaelic Athletic Association/Cumann Lúthchleas Gael is a 32 county sporting and cultural organisation that has a presence on all 5 continents E: [email protected]
Jimmy Carr @jimmycarr
5.8M Followers 476 Following Get tour tickets, watch my Netflix specials, listen to my Crowd Work podcast and more here 👇
Neil Patrick Harris @ActuallyNPH
20.7M Followers 159 Following Husband, father, random sayer of stuff.
President of Ireland @PresidentIRL
204K Followers 259 Following Tweets from Áras an Uachtaráin, with updates on the work of Uachtarán na hÉireann Catherine Connolly
An Garda Síochána @GardaTraffic
610K Followers 1 Following An Garda Síochána account for traffic/road safety updates. Not monitored 24/7 and not suitable to report a crime. In an emergency call 999 or 112.
Sofia Vergara @SofiaVergara
6.5M Followers 112 Following Colombian, Mother, Actor, Entrepreneur, cake lover 🍰 and judge on America’s Got Talent
ashton kutcher @aplusk
14.0M Followers 861 Following I build things, stories, companies, collaborations of thoughts, dreams, & believe in a future where we all have a right to pursue happiness. +1 (319) 519-0576
The Big Bang Theory @bigbangtheory
3.4M Followers 78 Following The official page of The #BigBangTheory
Steve Austin @steveaustinBSR
3.9M Followers 700 Following Instagram-@steveaustinBSR https://t.co/ZMA3ERY3ov
Chris Hemsworth @chrishemsworth
8.2M Followers 111 Following
RTÉ @rte
664K Followers 21K Following Raidió Teilifís Éireann | Ireland's National Public Service Multi-Media Organisation
J.K. Rowling @jk_rowling
13.8M Followers 1K Following Author, founder of Lumos and Beira's Place, surname rhymes with bowling, not growling.You might like
