devon @devglloyd

Joined September 2021

Tweets

137
Followers

1K
Following

504
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2K

devon @devglloyd

2 months ago

there’s a lot to learn from how top tier pitchers throw to first, as an analogy for how your best IC interacts with coworkers

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devon @devglloyd

5 months ago

attempts to establish a catch phrase have been met with annoyance by those close to me. bada bing bada boom

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devon @devglloyd

5 months ago

i empathize with todays youth because if someone tried to restrict my screen time i’d also be freaking pissed

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devon @devglloyd

5 months ago

instead of therapy I go into my phones notes app and write a lil poem that makes no sense to me 2 weeks later. Works every time

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devon @devglloyd

6 months ago

there are people out there who ignore the beep from their fire alarm needing a new battery

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devon @devglloyd

7 months ago

severance is just a rehash of the tv show lost. I hope it ends in a church with lots of hugs

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devon @devglloyd

8 months ago

walking home from work and seeing a microwave discarded on the sidewalk. wondering where it’s been and what it’s seen

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devon @devglloyd

8 months ago

if we can get rid of pennies and rename the gulf surely we can make pluto a planet again

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devon @devglloyd

8 months ago

bumping into a colleague and keeping one airpod in so that removing both doesn’t revert to speaker and accidentally reveal i’m listening to The Hampster Dance Song

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devon @devglloyd

9 months ago

seeing my doctor next week to understand if im a poo poo head or a doo doo head because my niece keeps flip flopping on the diagnosis

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devon @devglloyd

9 months ago

nothing is more exciting to a refrigerator than a guest sleeping on the couch

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devon @devglloyd

9 months ago

my mom in particular hates that i’ve removed all titles and am calling my grandma a member of the technical staff

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devon @devglloyd

9 months ago

investing in shitcoins this holiday season by checking under the relatives’ couch cushions

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devon @devglloyd

10 months ago

my hot take is that this is because nba players just got too tall

SAY CHEESE! 👄🧀 @SaycheeseDGTL

10 months ago

my hot take is that this is because nba players just got too tall

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week 0: i dont even care about fantasy football anymore ill never look at this again week 14: hi mrs. jones, you don’t know me but i work with your son. he won’t answer my slack messages anymore and I’m trying to get in touch with him so he can set his lineup

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devon @devglloyd

10 months ago

this dude’s interview prep goes crazy

College GameDay @CollegeGameDay

10 months ago

this dude’s interview prep goes crazy

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devon @devglloyd

10 months ago

society would be greatly improved if it was required that before the age of 20 you (one or more of): bussed tables, worked retail, got punched in the face for a reason you deserved

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devon @devglloyd

10 months ago

wizard whose entire identity is being a wizard: “how dare you accuse me of wizardry!!!!”

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devon @devglloyd

11 months ago

“nothing is certain but death and taxes” but also a recurring charge you are pretty sure is some sort of insurance your first ever apartment made you get and you can’t figure out the website but even if you did wouldn’t remember your login and even if you did they’d make you call