t @difflikning
Joined May 2009-
Tweets33
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Followers45
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Following442
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Likes2K
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My doctor won't go away. I know what you're thinking but he has been eating small pieces of apple over many decades to build up an immunity.
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[hiding in pantry from murderer] [quietly tries to open bag of chips]
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"Can I go play w/ my Twitter friends?" Wife: "Are the kids in bed & the dishwasher emptied?" "...Yes" *wife opens cabinet, kids fall out*
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[puts sons toy together] I don't think ..*looks at instructions* *looks at box* ..Yeah, buddy, it's not supposed to be on fire like that
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Wife's outta her goddamn mind if she thinks I won't purposely fall off this ladder to prove it's too windy for me to hang Christmas lights.
"I dette feltet må du skrive inn tegnene du ser, for å verifisere at du er et menneske" *lukker siden* *en motoroljetåre renner ned kinnet*
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technically you're not on fire, the fire is on you. but yes i'll get some water
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GYM OWNERS HATE HIM! find out the one easy trick one man uses to lose weights quickly
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ur honor, i call GOD as my witness *jury gasps* *nothimg happens* *slowley, a man w/ beard rises from the stands* damit no Gary sit down
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[Kanye har rolllespillsex] jeg er politi og skal straffe deg.. - åh ja! Jeg er egentlig Kanye da - jeg vet det Kanye West - du ødel Rapperen
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foredrag meg: det er ikke KULT å være død! *skjelett kommer skatende inn med solbriller* *pene jenter flokker til skjelettet* meg: faen
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*Idémyldring hos Hästens* -Ja, hva slags dyr forbinder folk med god søvn? -Et som står når det sover? *Det nikkes anerkjennende*
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"You did good," I say, leading a mediocre tweet into the field. "Where we going, dad?" It squeezes my hand. The pistol is heavy. "Home."
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