Noodles @Dawn_M_
〽️heading to hell on a speedboat〽️ Scotland Joined February 2013-
Tweets76K
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Followers46K
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Following770
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Likes207K
Noodles retweeted
found out my cat has outstanding warrants
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Noodles retweeted
My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.
Noodles retweeted
911: What is your emergency? Me: I love you. 911: Hang up. Me: No you hang up. 911: Stop. Me: This is so us.
Noodles retweeted
no one tells you the older you get the more often you check your weather app
Noodles retweeted
I can't grow flowers for shit but my old neglected potatoes in a grocery bag in the basement just grew legs and marched up here
Noodles retweeted
If I ever have to get knee replacement surgery, I’m gonna request bees knees, I hear they are the best
Noodles retweeted
Maps used to say cool stuff like “Here Be Dragons.” Now they just say bullshit like “Portugal.”
Noodles retweeted
I saw the most beautiful baby today.
Noodles retweeted
Interviewer: Are you good at staying calm in stressful situations? Me: I’m not good at staying calm in relaxing situations.
Noodles retweeted
When are they coming out with some new gods
Noodles retweeted
My shower gel is £1 but my washing up liquid is £2. Why am I spending twice as much to clean my plates as I am to clean myself? We're both covered in the same pasta sauce.
Noodles retweeted
my coworker told me she caught a cold from me that i faked
Noodles retweeted
Why do babies need boiling water
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JGarner🥃🏴☠.. @jgarner420
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Wolfmann 🇨🇦 @wolfmannjr
10K Followers 6K Following Some people stand in the darkness, afraid to step into the light. Some people need Michael Knight https://t.co/jRDoXPnZjmA very happy birthday to my family by choice and my forever favorite co-star @KevinJames! Love you so much, Kevvy!
@Dawn_M_ ftw Good old wholesome twittering. ❤️
Ok then, what’s one of the best. This is still one of my faves.
Some wee behind the scenes joys from this series of Big Scottish Book Club which ends tonight 6pm @BBCScotland Guests inc Maggie O'Farrell @IrvineWelsh @AnnCleeves @RochelleNeil Leila Aboulela @LlaurenLyle & more! All on @BBCiPlayer now. Thank YOU for watching & sharing!
My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.
Going up to every exhibit in the museum and whispering "I get it" to the people next to me
Don’t worry, it’s just like a piercing but with a sword.
no one tells you the older you get the more often you check your weather app
@Dawn_M_ Miss you too Dawn. It’s good to hear from you
@Dawn_M_ Funniest woman on the planet still around though. That's a good thing.
@Dawn_M_ I've almost reached my final form! Hope you're well :)
@Dawn_M_ Always a space in my crazy house for you, Dawn! Woof! xo
I know my cat well enough for this to mean, "Pay the toll, fill the fucking bowl, or it's a no go!"
Ooh, feast your eyes on some newly released stills from #GoodOmens2 @GoodOmensPrime @primevideouk
Prime Video has released new stills for 'GOOD OMENS' Season 2.
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