sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
Loves animals more than most people. https://t.co/bTlLzDrFl4 Los Angeles, CA Joined January 2009-
Tweets155K
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Followers50K
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Following7K
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Likes243K
sixfootcandy retweeted
It's okay, facial recognition. I don't recognize myself anymore either.
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sixfootcandy retweeted
You know you're getting old when you find yourself genuinely thrilled about your favorite dish sponge coming in a few new colors.
sixfootcandy retweeted
You: "talk is cheap, actions speak louder than words" Me: *flips you off
sixfootcandy retweeted
You don't scare me, you're not a group of middle schoolers I have to walk past
sixfootcandy retweeted
If there are no rat marriages we have to assume they’re all rat bastards.
sixfootcandy retweeted
Always remember nobody cares and you'll have the secret to life.
sixfootcandy retweeted
My kid said she can’t wait till she’s an adult and can eat chips for dinner, and I’m just happy she has some goals.
sixfootcandy retweeted
People of the US who don’t use the “hammer down” lane for hammering down when driving - we don’t like you, we don’t want to be your friend, and PLEASE GET OUT OF OUR F-ING WAY!!!! Signed, Those of us who do
sixfootcandy retweeted
Since the first time I watched porn, I’ve been very uncomfortable being in a house alone with a plumber.
sixfootcandy retweeted
When do we start playing that Mariah Carey Christmas song again?
sixfootcandy retweeted
me: you know what I think? wife: not really. It's usually dumb AF.
sixfootcandy retweeted
I’ve reached the browsing cushions instead of getting work done part of a Friday.
sixfootcandy retweeted
Stay a little silly … behaving all the time is completely overrated
sixfootcandy retweeted
if kanye goes missing it was probably gotye.
sixfootcandy retweeted
Get two factor identification they said. Now you have to log into your phone in order to log into your computer.
sixfootcandy retweeted
Judge: You're being tried for murder Crows: Your Honor, we can prove justifiable caws
sixfootcandy retweeted
If you’re pansexual, but monogamous. that makes you somebody’s personal pansexual
sixfootcandy retweeted
I don't need a nap, I need a casual coma at this point
sixfootcandy retweeted
In this economy buying something necessary feels like a treat.
sixfootcandy retweeted
“Why the hell are these guys so mad at my fetch toy?” -Dog at a tennis match
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841 Followers 1K Following (He/Him) IT Exec. Composer/Sound Designer. Occasional Playwright. Retired Music Journalist. Person. Biden won the election. Black lives matter.
Could be unpopular but I believe the children are our future
@sixfootcandy @JoshMankiewicz Mine has trouble in the morning. Hmmm...wonder why?
Same. 🤔
It's okay, facial recognition. I don't recognize myself anymore either.
the scrub daddy ones bro IM TELLING YALL, I have a pink one coming on sunday they keep me sane
You know you're getting old when you find yourself genuinely thrilled about your favorite dish sponge coming in a few new colors.
You: "talk is cheap, actions speak louder than words" Me: *flips you off
You don't scare me, you're not a group of middle schoolers I have to walk past
If there are no rat marriages we have to assume they’re all rat bastards.
Always remember nobody cares and you'll have the secret to life.
My kid said she can’t wait till she’s an adult and can eat chips for dinner, and I’m just happy she has some goals.
People of the US who don’t use the “hammer down” lane for hammering down when driving - we don’t like you, we don’t want to be your friend, and PLEASE GET OUT OF OUR F-ING WAY!!!! Signed, Those of us who do
Since the first time I watched porn, I’ve been very uncomfortable being in a house alone with a plumber.
When do we start playing that Mariah Carey Christmas song again?
me: you know what I think? wife: not really. It's usually dumb AF.
I’ve reached the browsing cushions instead of getting work done part of a Friday.
Stay a little silly … behaving all the time is completely overrated
Get two factor identification they said. Now you have to log into your phone in order to log into your computer.
@sixfootcandy I downloaded an app that tells me the night before the bins will be collected. Don't want to get caught out anymore. I can hear the 25 year old me screaming through time...
@sixfootcandy Ah, the vibrant thrills of adulthood—where once the color of a nightclub's lights was the highlight of our weekend, now the sight of a dish sponge in a daring shade of turquoise sends our hearts racing. It's like, "Forget the sports car in midlife crisis; I'm all about that…
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