your other mom @difficultpatty
Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4Pw Joined December 2019-
Tweets31K
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Followers37K
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Following959
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Likes118K
You can’t find happiness in another person but you can find it in potatoes
just filled my car with gas before the tank was empty everybody clap
a dangly cross earring on a man is a red flag
Why would anyone want unfrosted brownies when frosted brownies exist?
If avoiding people at the store was a professional sport, I could be a 1st round draft pick.
Me waiting for my friend’s feedback on the show I suggested like I created it myself or something
How many bags of M&M’s is it ok to eat in one night. Is it eight, I’m pretty sure it’s eight.
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be men that wear shark tooth necklaces in their 40's.
A dry wedding is just like a regular wedding but with no reason to be there
Happy Arbor Day don't get too sappy about it.
*goes to therapy, but just for tweet material*
Of course I'd rather be in the woods with a bear instead of a man because bears are cute and fluffy and men lie.
The name Ron is short for Wrong
If it can’t be fixed with melted cheese it can’t be fixed. Sorry.
I am Sears years old
Taking a few days to myself to reevaluate my favorite type of cheese
Nothing causes my rage to rise up within quite like a serving of peanut butter only being 2 tablespoons.
I knew someone who shared a birthday with her brother, and their sister's birthday was the day before, and I always felt like that gave me way too much info about their parents
A Pavlovian response to the rattle of the Ibuprofen bottle.
Jessie @mommajessiec
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147K Followers 90 Following NOW ON MASTODON @[email protected] Retired executive secretary for Mr. Stanley Bogenshoots, Senior Vice President at Hughes Aircraft.@difficultpatty I don't know, that is mind boggling. Frosted > Unfrosted. 😋👍🏻
You can’t find happiness in another person but you can find it in potatoes
I used to jump the fence and run the “Heath Ledger” bleacher steps at Stadium High every Saturday morning…
*The best high school stadium in America* #StadiumHighSchool
just filled my car with gas before the tank was empty everybody clap
a dangly cross earring on a man is a red flag
@difficultpatty If frosting is homemade, I agree… if not… big no…
@difficultpatty @_KimberleyAnna you need to get out more?
@billifer1973 @difficultpatty … gave me the munchies just thinkin about it.
@difficultpatty Cuz a brownie, unfrosted, is good all on it's own...I make banana bread that's decedent.. biggerbolderbaking.com/banana-bread-b…
@difficultpatty A good barometer of who you can trust and who you can’t.
@difficultpatty @_Jizzabelle Have you tried the frosted with toasted marshmallows on them? 😋
@billifer1973 @difficultpatty I need to go shopping with YOU!
@difficultpatty A good brownie can stand alone - it needs no accompaniment. A subpar brownie might be made palatable by a good frosting though