La Femme Fatali @toomanycommas3
I'm a niche genre. mobile.twitter.com/search?q=from%… offline Joined December 2013-
Tweets153K
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Followers28K
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Following8K
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Likes220K
La Femme Fatali retweeted
I definitely just paid my 6yo $2 to let me video him attempting to twerk. I want my MOTY trophy now, thanks.
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La Femme Fatali retweeted
My 12 asked when he would be allowed to date last night. I said, you can start dating when I start dating again. He was like, "oh, gee thanks Mom, so never?"
La Femme Fatali retweeted
Thanks for circling back every month or so when you're desperate and horny. It does wonders for my self-esteem to know you only hit me up when the girls you think are out of your league aren't giving you enough attention.
La Femme Fatali retweeted
Whatever room I'm in is the hottest room in the building, thanks to menopause.
La Femme Fatali retweeted
Him: wow you're funny Me: thanks Him: we have so much in common Me: yeah, that's awesome, right? Him: you're so much fun to hang with Me: aww, you too! Him: you seem like a really cool girl Me: *waits for it* Him: think you could introduce me to your hot friend over there?
La Femme Fatali retweeted
I don't understand how anyone gets remarried. Like, once was more than enough. Share my home with a man? Fuck that shit. Tell someone where I'll be this weekend? As if. Consider another person's tastes while meal planning? No thanks. Literally can't see an advantage.
La Femme Fatali retweeted
Me: [pissed off] and you'd better delete my nudes My Ex: I did Me: [even more pissed] you DID?? what the fuck
La Femme Fatali retweeted
Once this guy was sexy-texting me and I said “slurp slurp” – he asked if that was me sucking his dick and I said no, in my fantasy I’m drinking a milkshake
La Femme Fatali retweeted
HIM: Not to put pressure on you, I just want to know… ME: Yes? HIM: Is something sexual actually going to happen…? ME: Uh huh? HIM: Or are you just going to keep pushing my dick down so you can say “Boi-oi-oing” when it springs back up?
La Femme Fatali retweeted
At what age do girls learn to say “if you even care?”
La Femme Fatali retweeted
Once I learn how to break ankles in basketball, it's crossover for you, bitches.
La Femme Fatali retweeted
babe, i just want you to know, when i sing smack my bitch up, in my head, I'm thinking of a hypothetical bitch and not you
La Femme Fatali retweeted
GM nerds In case you ever wanted to know which elements you can lick or not….
La Femme Fatali retweeted
Coworker casually threw into conversation “dessert soups” and everyone kept talking but I didn’t hear another word.
La Femme Fatali retweeted
Me: *carefully going around the victims body with chalk* Detective: We don’t usually outline the balls Me: oh I’m not a cop lol
Welp, I was half right. Short men (esp ones that like taller women) are into boobs. Makes sense since they're right in your face. Really thought tall men would vote butts (except mine) but I must have skewed the results.
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@AlfonsoHatlero Why would a woman want to have a man she isn’t attracted to and who doesn’t find her attractive?
@AlfonsoHatlero If you occasionally listen to women rather than Andrew Tate you might find yourself surprised.
@toomanycommas3 Well, I was shit-hammered and that was attempt #1. As good as it gets.
@toomanycommas3 Baseball twerkZ
Just got the new update and now I can really emphasize how much I appreciate your nudes
Instead of being pissed off, just once I'd like to be pissed ON. Wait what?
The prettiest bitch in my high school once said chubby girls are nastier in bed to compensate, and I thought about that the next time I licked her boyfriend’s ass
thinking about starting some problems in the fashion industry
I have decided that it is perfectly ok for me to spend all my money on pretty sundresses (that I definitely don’t need and probably will never get the chance to wear because I live in Scotland)
@rpphotovideo 2 goals against the canes were off of canes stick deflections (Luck) 3rd isles goal Andersen fell down (Luck)
@rpphotovideo What a horrible, mean spirited, trash, sore loser, expletive laced temper tantrum of a tweet. Thankfully you don’t speak for the entire Islanders fan base. They’re overall an awesome group of passionate fans.
@toomanycommas3 Incidentally, to end the curiosity, I’m Tall ButtMan, which I’m fairly convinced is also the name of a character Will Ferrell has played at some point.
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