Fomo Simpson @HaliPhacks
Keeping it funny on Twitter since its early days as a radio show. My tweets ➡️ https://t.co/Z2tnWjzeDx Supernova Scotia 🇨🇦 Joined March 2019-
Tweets118K
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Followers8K
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Following3K
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Likes177K
Fomo Simpson retweeted
The universe is huge, but you make it small
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
Sometimes, we miss people we shouldn’t.
Fomo Simpson retweeted
[collecting sweat] lol your secrete is safe with me
Fomo Simpson retweeted
I never realized that being an adult would entail owning so many containers
Fomo Simpson retweeted
Stretching my back is not enough. I need to be spaghettified by crossing the event horizon of a black hole
Fomo Simpson retweeted
How exactly does one mistakenly pack ammunition in their vacation luggage?
Fomo Simpson retweeted
Was it a specific star wars complaint? No it was a general grievous.
Fomo Simpson retweeted
You can kill me softly with your song if you want. (one time)
Fomo Simpson retweeted
At McDonalds looking at the menu through opera binoculars.
Fomo Simpson retweeted
Hockey Night in Carolina, ie: watching the second OT on the phone bc we're sitting by the pool
Fomo Simpson retweeted
A cruise ship without passengers is still a crews ship send tweet
Fomo Simpson retweeted
too young to die too old for carbs
Fomo Simpson retweeted
Tattoo artist weirded out by request of his portrait on my shoulder.
Fomo Simpson retweeted
a vampire hypnotist named Count Backula
Fomo Simpson retweeted
People often ask if my tweets are true stories, so here’s a rule of thumb: if it’s about me being a slut in high school, it’s true. If it’s about me being a slut now, I’m lying, it actually happened in high school.
Fomo Simpson retweeted
You think the world is scary? You’re going to die one day whether you live in fear or not.
Fomo Simpson retweeted
Business idea: Ad-supported pets. Dogs with spots that look like the Nike swoosh. Parrots that talk about Hello Fresh. Cats that knock everything off the table except their favorite brand of beer.
Fomo Simpson retweeted
What if, for one day, you did not take everything so goddam seriously and literally and let yourself see humor? It’s ok. Your ego will survive
Fomo Simpson retweeted
Welcome to middle age, where you can't get a man to keep up with you in the sack, you do laundry every waking moment, and your kid's favorite TV show is a nerd opening packs of Pokemon on YouTube.
Fomo Simpson retweeted
I take my bra off contacts out baby how you feelin feeling tired as hell
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No spoilers: thoughts on Shōgun I’m surprised at how much this show won me over. Mariko was the absolute star. She communicates so much with just a look. I watched it with subtitles, but there is a dubbed version available. I’d be interested to hear if anyone watched it…
No man likes an uppity woman he doesn’t fancy. Trust me.
me: I can't decide what to have waiter: what about the duck? duck: I'll have lasagna
The universe is huge, but you make it small
Looks like you can’t get to the interview on time. So probably nah.
Going for a job interview. Will I get selected?
LMFAOO this is so evil
Don’t use the word “feet” in a tweet on here. You’ll regret it
[collecting sweat] lol your secrete is safe with me
Bodybuilders caught on CCTV
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Stretching my back is not enough. I need to be spaghettified by crossing the event horizon of a black hole
Nobody: Peter Griffin on a random Thursday:
I dunno what to tell you. I guess I never liked staying put in one place.
How exactly does one mistakenly pack ammunition in their vacation luggage?
Was it a specific star wars complaint? No it was a general grievous.
You can kill me softly with your song if you want. (one time)
Where does a mansplainer get water? From a well, actually...
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