Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt
dad. spouse. rustic. humorist. observer. tweetsman. prognosticator. skywatcher. vibes. vapes. cats. road trips. x.com/search?q=from%… Gunbarrel, CO Joined October 2013-
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Followers22K
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Dead Pan Nick retweeted
“LA basketball star gets caught taking millions under the table through a fake forestry job and now has to plant 10,000 trees or get his contract voided by the league” is a sports comedy premise that would have lit up the Blockbuster rentals chart in 2003.
“LA basketball star gets caught taking millions under the table through a fake forestry job and now has to plant 10,000 trees or get his contract voided by the league” is a sports comedy premise that would have lit up the Blockbuster rentals chart in 2003.
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Dead Pan Nick retweeted
There are moments when it suddenly feels like the wind’s been knocked out of me because I think about how lovely it could’ve been to marry a man who was nice to me.
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
Everyone has seen me nude but I guard my golf handicap with fervor. 🤣
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
Whenever a hockey player suffered a serious injury on the ice, our finest 70s medical personnel was on the scene to provide quality urgent care …
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
People think Kay Adams is a fan of their team the same way a guy thinks a stripper loves them
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
Getting into male-dominated fields (pointing to an actor on-screen & saying “He was in The Wire”)
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVE MONTH!
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
My husband just called a business directly to ask if they were open, so he is braver than I will ever be
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
The left lane on highways with a speed limit of 65mph or higher is meant for passing. Keep traffic moving and go back to the right when you are finished passing.
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
The view of Denver this morning. #Colorado #thephotohour #Denver #COwx
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
Went on Instagram for 10 mins and now my brain is fried
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
The Flight of Moloch, by William Blake, 1815
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
The Gamecocks scoring a TD at the exact moment that engines fired for the Southern 500 at Darlington Raceway is peak South Carolina. Anyone coincidentally biting into a mustard-based BBQ sandwich at that same instant was immediately raptured to the Myrtle Beach Pavilion.
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
>CEO takes a hat that was clearly for a child >doubles down bragging about what he did >threatens to sue people over it That's a bold strategy, Cotton.
>CEO takes a hat that was clearly for a child >doubles down bragging about what he did >threatens to sue people over it That's a bold strategy, Cotton.
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
just passed someone telling someone on the phone that he “has needs just like every other dj”
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
We are doing a couples activity tonight: amputating each others feet
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
McDonald's just yelled my order 867 I yelled back 5309 and nobody laughed..Then I felt old so I ate my burger in the playground area
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
My 11yo just had ChatGPT do his homework. I’m pretty sure the assignment was itself AI generated. Dollars to donuts it will be AI graded. What is even the goal here?
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
Absolutely fucking ridiculous we have to eat dinner every single day.
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
accidentally dropped an f-bomb while teaching today, so I explained to my middle school class that cool people are actually allowed to say that word and not get in trouble, but they can’t say it because none of them are cool
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13K Followers 5K Following ⊹ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠢⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀ ⊹ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⡶⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀ ⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⡦⣀⣀⣴⠃⠀⠀⠀⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠛⠿⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠢⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⊹ ⠀⠀
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