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Tweets25K
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Followers10K
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Following7K
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Likes283K
I know you're not supposed to play favorites, but everyone has that one stovetop burner that they love more
Born to repost, forced to favourite
We’re floating on a rock in the middle of space paying bills lol
Why should the headline read "Former President Flatulent at Criminal Trial" rather than "Odor In The Court?!"
OJ Simpson has been cremated. Now he can fit into the entire glove.
Your ignorance is fucking up my bliss.
Thinking of replying to the 'I've filmed you watching porn' email to ask how they got my webcam working again
I just turned 13 beers into 7 gallons of piss, your move Jesus
Kinda weird, but my gynecologist was still wearing eclipse glasses during my pelvic exam.
since it's an eclipse, it doesn't count as day drinking
KID: Daddy, do you know what an eclipse is? ME: No sun HIM: Ok, I'll ask someone else
Bridges collapsing, Solar eclipse, earthquakes….we are one Sharknado away from a bingo.
Breaking! Sources say that Elon Musk will now acquire Truth Social and call it Qwitter.
I bet the first guy to call someone "Dan the Man" got an insane amount of pussy
I'm pretty sure that if God wanted me to hang clothes in my closet he wouldn't have invented door knobs.
How you gonna call it a break room if I can’t smash stuff?
The man who invented autocorrect died today.. To him I am infernally grapefruit. #eveningseasonings
My 4 year old came downstairs and asked me what his stuffed bunny did for a living. Over the next few minutes I guessed farmer, fireman, astronaut and race car driver until my son deadpanned, "he doesn't have a job because he's not real," while glaring at me like I'm an idiot.
My mispronunciation of French words is a touché subject.
Tony P. @Tbone7219
43K Followers 19K Following
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
102K Followers 20K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. #envydastrength I retweet regular people. My tweets are here: https://t.co/zOIJ18SHBV
Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO
48K Followers 6K Following Tall, pale, relentlessly cheerful. https://t.co/vhLLPJmuO2
Marcmywords @Marcmywords2
55K Followers 50K Following Tweeting Live From The Capital Of The Who Dat Nation. https://t.co/92vEozoAvo
The B. @anerdonfire2
37K Followers 14K Following My thoughts were full of other things when I wandered off the path. Dante Alighieri, Inferno
Ivsy @Ivsy01
40K Followers 9K Following drinking slurpees in front of 7-eleven with @The_Getawaygirl My thoughts in a box. my tweets 🤦♀️ https://t.co/0g8VMFzt2k
Forward March @RunOldMan
35K Followers 16K Following Disabled Army Veteran, Bills Mafia, Mental Health Matters, Laughter is the best medicine 🇺🇸🇵🇷 Boricua https://t.co/LpPIFl6lcu…
Matty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
paused mortem 💀 @LeeCram
12K Followers 4K Following life's foul-mouthed casualty • ig/alt: @pausedmortem
Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve
25K Followers 10K Following you've been smooching with everybody Blocked by https://t.co/SziO9kNFRO https://t.co/DaU98OFAMv
PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
Benny 'Bluesky' Rolli.. @citizenkawala
21K Followers 8K Following Australian Jim Morrison | Real person | Dave's mate | 1053 https://t.co/PN73YRdrct
Grant Tanaka: Honky @GrantTanaka
37K Followers 5K Following Anatomically correct. For the most part.
The Ciscokidder @TheCiscoKidder
36K Followers 12K Following 99% jokes, 100% Stay home dad, atheist, BLM, feminist, pro LGBTQ+ and left af. https://t.co/HpCbHaktUa
oyinda racheal @OyindaRach2640
146 Followers 310 Following scammer ain't getting me 😅,I'm new just tryna be friendly.
R. Wright @_underfoot
221K Followers 224K Following Manufacturing Engineering Ret., Texas Instruments Inc. , X Marine , Laser-guided Weapons developer, ancient weapons enthusiast and collector
Someone @Someone70537168
78 Followers 855 Following
rebar mcentire? @rebarmcentire
341 Followers 336 Following no longer hoeing for soup • one a those they/them queers • I deactivate a lot • in love with your mom
Jullie @KuchelaJaneth
3 Followers 75 Following
🫧 chantelle melody.. @inxstape
237 Followers 2K Following there's no law of nature that says experimental physicists have to be happy
Giles @Giles1St
238 Followers 708 Following So I am Saint G. I got locked out of my account so I think I'll start over. https://t.co/Iwu9IkJRtU
Gaylard @drunkardgay
123 Followers 215 Following Debauchery, depravity, and other maladies. WARNING: Tweets not suitable for human or AI consumption.
♡ Eve ♡ @evecullen610
29K Followers 9K Following gently, touch me with your words (my tweets...my words)© •she/her• #oneforever
ForuMMail @ForumMail88
3K Followers 5K Following The taste of life is with respect and tolerance. Show this to people, animals, all living things.
Abbas @Sharjee65333616
1K Followers 4K Following اپنے کردار پہ ڈال کے پردہ ۔۔ ہر شخص کہہ رہا ہے زمانہ خراب 💝
Konner Veteto @Kontinuum41
2K Followers 3K Following Father, constitutional libertarian, ex basketball player 🏀 Give me liberty or give me death 🇺🇸 1776
m delasanta @MelanieDela3
427 Followers 865 Following
Moabi @MoabiNkuna
145 Followers 816 Following
Jessica Weaver @Richard17770531
225 Followers 1K Following My Account got hacked my someone..this is my new account and I'm only on this site no other site
C-Bo the Eggman @CBoTheEggman
20K Followers 22K Following Midwestern suburban farm city boy * If u insist we're not a democracy because we're a constitutional republic, plz rip up your voter registration * I like eggs
Lucilla Leigh @CandiedWhispers
3K Followers 4K Following Romance & Erotica Writer. Unveiling desire in tantalizing tales. Let's explore the erotic realm together. #SensualScribe #EroticEscapades
Pussy Pilates @pussy_pilates
935 Followers 2K Following living my best life, drinking wine and doing Pilates in my undies. Sex and laughs https://t.co/qLpYkoylWj
M❍n❍t❍ne❍fBil.. @MonotoneofBill
106K Followers 107K Following Ernie (not Bill). Retired trombonist/music administrator in southern Maine. #Puns #Blue #Boston @[email protected]
Nobody. Nobody at all.. @RichPau96743248
969 Followers 3K Following Nobody knows what the fuck is going on. Nobody cares about poor. Nobody owns your ass. #FreeJulian #FreeRoss #FreeSnowden #BchIsBitcoin
Dak Harding @DakHarding
735 Followers 415 Following In laughter's embrace, scars find their place. Humor, my shield, and saving grace. An echo of peace, a quest I chase. To one day be free, in a safe space. ~DH
Vae @MorganLiv77547
99 Followers 530 Following
Bebe Joseph65891 @JosephBebe65891
43 Followers 437 Following
𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉.. @MoMohler
7K Followers 5K Following Rated 100% pure, grade A, American “little beef boy” by JD Power And Associates.
ethel babe @BabeEthel41053
13 Followers 174 Following
Ashkenazi Splash @TheGimpyNinja
5K Followers 5K Following Now I’ve got a fire in my belly - Natsu Dragneel #BLM #PTSDSucks, disabled Marine he/him also on threads
Nate Armbruster @natecomedy
3K Followers 2K Following I like to write jokes. And tell those jokes to audiences in the form of stand-up comedy.
Kate Smith @leeza_pret43970
467 Followers 2K Following Down for fun 🔥 blow job🥒 hookup service ☠️also sell nasty👩🦰hot content 🔥 incall and outcall🥒💯%real and recent service☠️☠️🔥
Ben Parsons @BenfromBend
3K Followers 5K Following Vote blue. 🌊💙Pretty liberal. Here for laughs. like golf, skiing, and mountain biking. happily married with 2 kids.
dearanyone @syracusefunny
3 Followers 107 Following
Shesmus @Shesmus281829
175 Followers 4K Following
Benny Boy @Camel_Crushin
10K Followers 6K Following
Tony P. @Tbone7219
43K Followers 19K Following
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
102K Followers 20K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. #envydastrength I retweet regular people. My tweets are here: https://t.co/zOIJ18SHBV
Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO
48K Followers 6K Following Tall, pale, relentlessly cheerful. https://t.co/vhLLPJmuO2
Stabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat
61K Followers 4K Following murder and cake. https://t.co/O1Sm1XVNmo
Marcmywords @Marcmywords2
55K Followers 50K Following Tweeting Live From The Capital Of The Who Dat Nation. https://t.co/92vEozoAvo
The B. @anerdonfire2
37K Followers 14K Following My thoughts were full of other things when I wandered off the path. Dante Alighieri, Inferno
Ivsy @Ivsy01
40K Followers 9K Following drinking slurpees in front of 7-eleven with @The_Getawaygirl My thoughts in a box. my tweets 🤦♀️ https://t.co/0g8VMFzt2k
Forward March @RunOldMan
35K Followers 16K Following Disabled Army Veteran, Bills Mafia, Mental Health Matters, Laughter is the best medicine 🇺🇸🇵🇷 Boricua https://t.co/LpPIFl6lcu…
Matty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
paused mortem 💀 @LeeCram
12K Followers 4K Following life's foul-mouthed casualty • ig/alt: @pausedmortem
Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve
25K Followers 10K Following you've been smooching with everybody Blocked by https://t.co/SziO9kNFRO https://t.co/DaU98OFAMv
PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
Benny 'Bluesky' Rolli.. @citizenkawala
21K Followers 8K Following Australian Jim Morrison | Real person | Dave's mate | 1053 https://t.co/PN73YRdrct
Sunshine Jarboly @SunshineJarboly
5K Followers 1K Following eagle trainer. puppy petter. drinker of milk. taker of naps. author. artist. my books available at https://t.co/tNhRJoHok6
♡ Eve ♡ @evecullen610
29K Followers 9K Following gently, touch me with your words (my tweets...my words)© •she/her• #oneforever
Joseph Joshua @Josh_Josephh
162 Followers 396 Following You come for me I come for you simple No stress
Jenny King @jennyalaking
6K Followers 2K Following Canadian, metalhead, vegan, book nerd, trekkie, fungiphile, dog mom. Navigating entrepreneurship without a map. Humour, big ideas, self-growth, radical honesty.
rebar mcentire? @rebarmcentire
341 Followers 336 Following no longer hoeing for soup • one a those they/them queers • I deactivate a lot • in love with your mom
🫧 chantelle melody.. @inxstape
237 Followers 2K Following there's no law of nature that says experimental physicists have to be happy
Eliza @rileymcregg
33 Followers 275 Following Get to know me. ◇ Gemini girly ▪︎Millennial old fart ▪︎Mostly sober/6 months! ▪︎Empath ▪︎Weird ass humor ◇
GlennyRodge @GlennyRodge
27K Followers 1K Following Screenwriter, comedian, actor, socialist and model. These are words. As are custard, trumpet, wardrobe, trousers and dandelion.
SorryHat 𝕬𝖙𝖙.. @sorry_hat
12K Followers 3K Following Dad, artist, husband, limb maker, shitposter. creative director. lunch sketch’s mon-fri.
⭐ Joode! ⭐ @superjude81
9K Followers 2K Following COFFEE☕VIDEO GAMES🎮 ADVENTURE👩🏼🚀 I also enjoy photography, beer, music, food, and smiling https://t.co/SsdPeIZAJP https://t.co/pmdKhYpyo7
Gaylard @drunkardgay
123 Followers 215 Following Debauchery, depravity, and other maladies. WARNING: Tweets not suitable for human or AI consumption.
Jo @JoJoFromJerz
947K Followers 5K Following mom. jersey. dem. news junkie. Lebanese. hothead.views are my own.https://t.co/zueo7YDFWx https://t.co/q4qgmwRLzt. https://t.co/9Fp1kdOX6w
mildlyattractivefatgu.. @GrahamlikeKrakr
741 Followers 3K Following comedian, photographer and husband also dad. insta thunderheart photography and iamrichardozzygraham
Giles @Giles1St
238 Followers 708 Following So I am Saint G. I got locked out of my account so I think I'll start over. https://t.co/Iwu9IkJRtU
nate abandoned snoopy.. @1234567nate
337 Followers 1K Following unserious lefty dweeb blessed with the tism(au) and cursed with the ism (capital)
Captain Obvious™️ @TheFungi669
68K Followers 26K Following As my high IQ followers know, I have never faked a sarcasm.
Gross Ray @theheywhoha
2K Followers 832 Following Bankrupt 1930s glove tycoon. She/Her https://t.co/DIXA6HFjda
M❍n❍t❍ne❍fBil.. @MonotoneofBill
106K Followers 107K Following Ernie (not Bill). Retired trombonist/music administrator in southern Maine. #Puns #Blue #Boston @[email protected]
Pussy Pilates @pussy_pilates
935 Followers 2K Following living my best life, drinking wine and doing Pilates in my undies. Sex and laughs https://t.co/qLpYkoylWj
Dak Harding @DakHarding
735 Followers 415 Following In laughter's embrace, scars find their place. Humor, my shield, and saving grace. An echo of peace, a quest I chase. To one day be free, in a safe space. ~DH
𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉.. @MoMohler
7K Followers 5K Following Rated 100% pure, grade A, American “little beef boy” by JD Power And Associates.
Nate Armbruster @natecomedy
3K Followers 2K Following I like to write jokes. And tell those jokes to audiences in the form of stand-up comedy.
Boneduck @realBoneDuck
2K Followers 668 Following hi let's read my charges and get this shit over with. duck with a boner.
Benny Boy @Camel_Crushin
10K Followers 6K Following
revolvermag @Revolvermag
426K Followers 2K Following ⚡️Leaders not followers: the cutting edge of heavy music and subculture
Micheal Maybe @MichealElliott
1K Followers 1K Following Ordained Beach Bum with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, living the dream with my wife, our revolutionary 7 yr old daughter + a clingy Dalmatian.
Mr.Carter @dexteristwisted
3K Followers 1K Following Stand up for what you believe in. Trump Troller ... Always positive.... Huge everthing L.A. sports nerd... extremely dirty minded, but always respectful
JOYEM @JOYEMwrestling
3K Followers 5K Following 6 ft 1, 208lbs . 1m84, 94 kg. Pro wrestling student ; I Speak : 🇬🇧 , 🇫🇷 ; #prowrestling #CatchFrançais Human/human
Lil Miss Snarkey Pant.. @Ris622
3K Followers 5K Following It doesn't matter how much antibacterial soap you use - the shame doesn't scrub off. Lawyer by trade, Batman when summoned.
Greg @lop73986
354 Followers 1K Following
Chu-Let-The-Dogs-Out�.. @Chumantastic
7K Followers 6K Following Mainly #Comedy🤣 #Family #Politics etc. Ask me the rest & I’ll tell you😊 Back up account is @Chumantastical😁
Jay @theshamingofjay
11K Followers 3K Following Court jester "Foul Mouthed True Crime Guy From Up North" I livestream trials on YouTube & Kick. Just a moron yelling at a screen. #teambidet
Just-A-Fool @rickelverum
682 Followers 683 Following I’m not a real Fool, I’m just a participant. ♌️
Leen McBeans ꪜ @LeenMcBeans
13K Followers 7K Following ✨Good intentions, questionable methods✨ Recovering academic. Mother of Dad Jokes. A third fun sounding thing. 🏳️🌈
Carleigh @carleigho23
4 Followers 4 Following
Instant Classic Community Note
Same thing he did to DeSantis, Sununu, Rubio, Cruz, the list goes on. Zero pride, zero self-respect, zero integrity from these people. He rubs their face in it and they beg for more.
After watching every Trump speech and interview for years I’m going to put his total vocabulary right around 750 words.
I know you're not supposed to play favorites, but everyone has that one stovetop burner that they love more
I can’t believe SCOTUS is even entertaining this argument.
SCOTUS may do more net damage to our democracy in expanding presidential powers and delaying Trump's trials until after the election than Trump actually achieved in his attempted coup. Think about it. It's nauseating.
uvalde parents have been arrested for speaking at public meetings and continuously harassed by police for questioning why cops didn’t protect their kids now state troopers rush students for protesting for Palestine Cops don’t keep us safe. they’re Greg abbott’s personal gang
Shit, if only they’d have moved like that when my son was being murdered. But what do I expect….1 AR-15 keeps 376 officers at bay.
DPS appears to be prepping to disperse with a heavy, heavy showing of DPS troopers prepped in riot gear.
We’re floating on a rock in the middle of space paying bills lol
Imagine if Greg Abbott responded to Uvalde the way he responds to a peaceful protest by Texas students.
What’s the synonym for “girl that says dumb shit just to get internet famous, gets her five minutes for it, then fades away because she is to dumb to notice that once her spot light dims..all she will ever be known for is being that dumb girl on the the internet that one time”?
We need to stop using the language of the left Instead of "trans", say fake It's not a "trans woman", it's a fake woman And instead of "progressive", why don't we just call them what they really are? Retarded
I carry my walking stick under my arm like I’m marching into North Africa to give Rommel a good hiding.
🔥TRUTH MATTERS🔥 FACT: This is not the Biden Border Crisis, it’s the Trump Crisis. I know it’s easy to focus on Roseanne making rape jokes and the questionable Supreme Court roster, but this is the 2024 election right here. Donald Trump has nothing else to campaign on, and…
@BetsyDeVos @POTUS @JoeBiden @SchmittNYC @NEWSMAX You are horrifying Your brother is horrifying. We are on to you. No one wants your kind around them anymore
@BetsyDeVos @POTUS @JoeBiden @SchmittNYC @NEWSMAX It's embarrassing that you use the Department of Education to piss on the separation of church and state.
@BetsyDeVos @POTUS @JoeBiden @SchmittNYC @NEWSMAX Oh Betsy, I sleep so much better knowing you are no longer at the helm of American education...why not donate some billions to the under privileged public school children?
@BetsyDeVos @POTUS @JoeBiden @SchmittNYC @NEWSMAX Coming from the women who made money of family separation this is rich, do we have to go into all the details snopes.com/news/2018/06/2…
@BetsyDeVos @POTUS @JoeBiden @SchmittNYC @NEWSMAX It’s horrifying that your first job was as Secretary of Education, in charge of the public schools you never attended, never sent your own kids to, and wanted to close in Detroit.
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