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Tweets97K
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Followers9K
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Following4K
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Likes124K
Tommy Knоckers retweeted
Just so we're all clear, the plural of Roomba is Roombae Receptionist quietly into phone: Security? Yeah. He's back
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Tommy Knоckers retweeted
One of my neighbours has been learning to play the bagpipes, so yeah, anyways that’s been fun
Tommy Knоckers retweeted
Every time someone from Twitter says they’ve seen me out in the wild I worry in case I was doing something weird but then remember that if they follow me here they’re probably alright with that
Tommy Knоckers retweeted
I’m a grown ass woman who still wants to be your babygirl. They are not mutually exclusive.
Tommy Knоckers retweeted
I said I like illusion, not delusion.
Tommy Knоckers retweeted
Sorry I was speeding officer. It’s just that I dont respect you or laws
Tommy Knоckers retweeted
So boring, even Alexa pretends she doesn't hear you anymore
Tommy Knоckers retweeted
i am so lucky to wake up and look this cute
Tommy Knоckers retweeted
This happens once every few lifetimes
Tommy Knоckers retweeted
Sorry, but we can all see through your bullshit.
Tommy Knоckers retweeted
I'm that mom who loves that my kids' friends feel comfortable just coming over my house, but I'm also that introvert who hates having other people over my house so can you see my conundrum
Tommy Knоckers retweeted
I took my 6yo to softball practice and then realized it was canceled. My 6yo smiled at me, "Well, look at that, we yelled at each other for nothing."
Tommy Knоckers retweeted
Maturity is seeing that the silent treatment from stupid people is rewarding.
She wouldn't have chosen the bear if you had just loved her when she was a worm.
Tommy Knоckers retweeted
imagine being on the news and having to say “follow us on X” like some sort of fuckwit
Tommy Knоckers retweeted
In so many ways, I just don't care anymore.
Tommy Knоckers retweeted
Is "my dog misses me" a valid reason to take a leave of absence from work?
Tommy Knоckers retweeted
When did grocery shopping become something fun to do on a weekend, what have I become
Tommy Knоckers retweeted
When I die, please tell my family I was popular on twitter
Tommy Knоckers retweeted
Raise your hands if you've muted me!?
PieGuy @ilovepie84
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2K Followers 606 Following this is my new account…@fullmoontides went down because of woman beaters reporting my comments. fuck them :)
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community notes viola.. @cnviolations
865K Followers 6 Following not affiliated with @x or @communitynotes | DM Submissions
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9K Followers 725 Following Twitch Partner | Streaming WWE RAW & Smackdown every week 8:00 PM EST - Check schedule for other shenanigans! business/ [email protected]
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Stephanie Chase - Tor.. @stephaniemchase
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Carrie H Olerich🌃�.. @CarrieHOlerich
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rachel @rachelmillman
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𝚙 - 𝙰𝚂𝙷 �.. @ashelai_
4K Followers 2K Following 𝙲𝙱𝙹 | 𝙽𝚈𝚁 🏒 • 𝙲𝙻𝙴 | 𝙽𝚈𝙼 ⚾️ • 𝙲𝙸𝙽 🏈 *✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚋𝚎 𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 @tacobell / #1 𝚁𝚘𝚜𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚒𝚌 𝚏𝚊𝚗
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2K Followers 4K Following ᛉ Solidly xennial. BLM. LGBTQ+ ally. Murderino. Constantly exhausted potato. Dogs are the best. Don't forget to toss a coin to your Witcher.
Kris Wilder @parkerquotes2
220 Followers 521 Following Public relations coordinator, recovering reporter, mom of two amazing human beings, reader, writer, math hater.
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2K Followers 662 Following yeah it’s me, ur favorite baddie. anyway, $4 a pound
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Lyric ✨ @LyricWrestling
5K Followers 933 Following 26 | she/her | Freelance Writer/Creative | Host of Maps & Graps Pod | Doctor Who Stan | 📧 [email protected]Just so we're all clear, the plural of Roomba is Roombae Receptionist quietly into phone: Security? Yeah. He's back
One of my neighbours has been learning to play the bagpipes, so yeah, anyways that’s been fun
Every time someone from Twitter says they’ve seen me out in the wild I worry in case I was doing something weird but then remember that if they follow me here they’re probably alright with that
I’m a grown ass woman who still wants to be your babygirl. They are not mutually exclusive.
Sorry I was speeding officer. It’s just that I dont respect you or laws
So boring, even Alexa pretends she doesn't hear you anymore
This happens once every few lifetimes
I'm that mom who loves that my kids' friends feel comfortable just coming over my house, but I'm also that introvert who hates having other people over my house so can you see my conundrum
I took my 6yo to softball practice and then realized it was canceled. My 6yo smiled at me, "Well, look at that, we yelled at each other for nothing."
Maturity is seeing that the silent treatment from stupid people is rewarding.
Nahhhh this EXACTLY what the devil would try and look like if he took on a human form
imagine being on the news and having to say “follow us on X” like some sort of fuckwit
In so many ways, I just don't care anymore.
Is "my dog misses me" a valid reason to take a leave of absence from work?
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