Natalie Would @_NatalieWould
https://t.co/gtvbRCGZLc x.com/search?q=from%… Witness protection Joined July 2021-
Tweets47K
-
Followers10K
-
Following5K
-
Likes328K
You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where I raised myself
RIP Norm Macdonald you would have loved OJ dying
I love women because they are either thinking about skincare or death
There’s no “we” in fries.
*Flicks cigarette after a long drag* Here's the thing. Poppa and momma bear slept in separate beds so maybe everything wasn't "just right"
Excited to partner with Native body wash to spread this important message
Feeling cute! your move, body dysmorphia
If you give me another chance, I just know I can make things worse.
If women spent all their time in the ocean they'd still get attacked by men more than sharks
me: dating is hard me on a date: there was a dog in your dating profile pic why are they not here
we have tallied the results of the shirt collar accessory preference survey and it's a tie
no he was 3 boyfriends ago, my great great boyfriend
You know you're a hermit when you spend, well, any amount of time, really, thinking about moats
In my spare time I enjoy going to the theatre, listening to music, and cooking Indian food, although everyone watching the play never seems very impressed
Kristi Noem is the most unifying figure in US politics for a generation.
Spaghetti is just pizza that has been through some shit…like a black hole.
I'm unemployed at heart, and no job will ever change that.
The sluttiest thing a man can do is walk 500 miles & then immediately proceed to walk 500 more, just to be the man who walked a thousand miles to fall down at your door.
I feel like i could use more moxie
inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa
19K Followers 7K Following Public menace. Bog Witch. Level 58 Trainwreck. Costco Gold Star Member.TunaOfTheSky @tunaofthesky
12K Followers 7K Following I'm a series of tubes. New York Times Best-selling reader. Fashion crime scene photographer. Independently filthy. Pathological liger. Alfalfa male.S̲uper H̲uman A̲ut.. @_indica_sky
45K Followers 2K Followingnatalayhehoo @highprobably1
38K Followers 3K Following This is not the profile you’re looking for. Gemini and Vol for life. Taken not stirred.tazz @noneofyours99
85K Followers 46K Following Army Veteran, atheist, here to share some laughs, it's the universal language I ❤️Animals #supportmentalhealth squirrel mama ,wildlife rescue 🔥Memphis🔥Salty MacTavish 🇺�.. @SaltyMacTavish
13K Followers 9K Following We hardly talk about clams anymore and frankly I’m steamed about it https://t.co/MEeOiowPL2The B. @anerdonfire2
37K Followers 13K Following My thoughts were full of other things when I wandered off the path. Dante Alighieri, InfernoMad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsndThe Ciscokidder @TheCiscoKidder
36K Followers 12K Following 99% jokes, 100% Stay home dad, atheist, BLM, feminist, pro LGBTQ+ and left af. https://t.co/HpCbHaktUaPieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbKFulkery, A Parody Wra.. @Fulkery1
11K Followers 10K Following Ruminations from a human that errs. Not 'available' so move along.Granite Man 🏴�.. @GraniteDhuine
18K Followers 5K Following The unacceptable face of Scottish Twitter. Whisky drinker, kilt wearer, sweary AF.𝐀 𝐌 𝐀 𝐍 �.. @littlegiinge
66K Followers 18K Following I'm a silly kinda weird.. Coffee please? -`ღ´- https://t.co/OMVnn385QHpaused mortem 💀 @LeeCram
12K Followers 4K Following life's foul-mouthed casualty • ig/alt: @pausedmortemnice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonzmatty @sssoundboyy
926 Followers 3K Followingdanacshy @danacshy
40 Followers 460 FollowingTyrone Smith @TyroneS57899144
5 Followers 369 FollowingSouthern Oregon Coast.. @OregonCharm
990 Followers 5K Following Connecting business and people around the Southern Oregon Coast through adventure and quests!@icantbelieveitsnotbu.. @cmnsns61
1K Followers 5K FollowingIvy @Uerica453661
62 Followers 1K Following I am a lively and cheerful girl who would like to meet a good friend.alvinoid nonchalant @doobieshinstat
26 Followers 109 Following just a lonely squirrel living in a lonely worlDariia Vasylieva @DariaVasylieva_
2K Followers 2K Following An entrepreneur sharing her path here Charity blockchain project. Crypto enthusiast.📉 Mama & Entrepreneur. Strong Leadership, International Speaker coachApropo Mă Cheamă Ca.. @CarmenMaftei1
2K Followers 550 Following Are you insane?!? On a good day, yah!🌞 @EmilyH2897111
6 Followers 190 Following I’ve recently learned i have been taking the wrong medication for some timeMacus @Macus102112
1 Followers 29 Followingsouthofhevn @southofhevn
309 Followers 739 FollowingJo @barkingecko3
10 Followers 214 Following♱ @endlsvoid
0 Followers 99 FollowingMark ortega @Markort27993155
44 Followers 6K FollowingNetwork Sportsball An.. @fakesportsceleb
662 Followers 252 Following Taking care of my chickens and my mentals. #letsgobuffaloKali @Nai317334
197 Followers 866 Following 'Supervegan'. female. 41. omni. if i don't reply to you it's probably because i haven't seen the notification or i'm horrified.Rose Smith @RoseSmi92658522
3K Followers 5K Following Hiking,Horseback Riding, Swimming,Nature, Cosmos,Aries,Empath, Chocoholic, Wine of choice is Ice Wine preferably CanadianJeff Mcarthur @JeffMcarthur22
3K Followers 7K Following I Love my Daughter Mum Family Pet's & Friends 🇦🇺🇺🇦🌏 Love Driving here there everywhere & also 🙏 now & forever WE ALL STAND WITH UKRAINE 🇺🇦 🌎 💙frank @dcinaus
92 Followers 158 FollowingJohnny @Jaytek75
88 Followers 334 Following The only place I wanna go, Is anywhere there's people I don't know… Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 🎧Theoni Rogersen @RogersenTh49909
1K Followers 4K Following Artist instagram @theonirogersen 🧘♀️ swimming 🏊♀️ my hobbies, florida, happy! from Athens Greece 🇬🇷married one daughter NO (DM) No (Porno)Ally 🖤 @mrsmodify
82 Followers 480 Following Mama of 2; Director of Special Education; Starting over peacefullyJoelle Varela @JoelleVare56449
65 Followers 234 Following I am an American living in New Zealand,, I miss home and my family there. I will always vote. My voice will count.Angela Parchomenko @AngelaParchome1
6 Followers 153 Followingbb @Behumbled56
86 Followers 74 FollowingGerry Taylor @gtaylor212
127 Followers 1K FollowingAdam Andersen ⚡️ @NewNoiseAllies
644 Followers 2K Following Stand with your musicians! Delete Spotify! https://t.co/Fxkz44m3bJ #DeleteSpotify #newnoisealliance #bandcamp ⚡️Elisha Pius @PiusElisha30943
89 Followers 849 Following_Hanabi @Hanabi254348564
42 Followers 2K FollowingKit @kadomatsuy16484
11 Followers 281 FollowingThe Real Kim Shady @boobalander
2K Followers 660 Following yeah it’s me, ur favorite baddie. anyway, $4 a poundFrankie Joseph @Frankie42054516
2K Followers 6K Following Big hearted Bad Ass Guitarist and Artist Living in San Francisco Bay Area.Retail Lifer @Retailiated
929 Followers 2K Following Just some lady. I talk way too much about Ghostbusters and ska.inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa
19K Followers 7K Following Public menace. Bog Witch. Level 58 Trainwreck. Costco Gold Star Member.TunaOfTheSky @tunaofthesky
12K Followers 7K Following I'm a series of tubes. New York Times Best-selling reader. Fashion crime scene photographer. Independently filthy. Pathological liger. Alfalfa male.S̲uper H̲uman A̲ut.. @_indica_sky
45K Followers 2K Followingnatalayhehoo @highprobably1
38K Followers 3K Following This is not the profile you’re looking for. Gemini and Vol for life. Taken not stirred.tazz @noneofyours99
85K Followers 46K Following Army Veteran, atheist, here to share some laughs, it's the universal language I ❤️Animals #supportmentalhealth squirrel mama ,wildlife rescue 🔥Memphis🔥Salty MacTavish 🇺�.. @SaltyMacTavish
13K Followers 9K Following We hardly talk about clams anymore and frankly I’m steamed about it https://t.co/MEeOiowPL2The B. @anerdonfire2
37K Followers 13K Following My thoughts were full of other things when I wandered off the path. Dante Alighieri, InfernoMad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsndThe Ciscokidder @TheCiscoKidder
36K Followers 12K Following 99% jokes, 100% Stay home dad, atheist, BLM, feminist, pro LGBTQ+ and left af. https://t.co/HpCbHaktUaPieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbKFulkery, A Parody Wra.. @Fulkery1
11K Followers 10K Following Ruminations from a human that errs. Not 'available' so move along.Granite Man 🏴�.. @GraniteDhuine
18K Followers 5K Following The unacceptable face of Scottish Twitter. Whisky drinker, kilt wearer, sweary AF.𝐀 𝐌 𝐀 𝐍 �.. @littlegiinge
66K Followers 18K Following I'm a silly kinda weird.. Coffee please? -`ღ´- https://t.co/OMVnn385QHpaused mortem 💀 @LeeCram
12K Followers 4K Following life's foul-mouthed casualty • ig/alt: @pausedmortemnice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonzElle Generika @DISCODEATHMATCH
2K Followers 987 Following This bimbo bit is just kayfabe. Girlifying wrestling. Your friend from @iwshardcore & @WWSyndicate.🌵Prickly Persona �.. @FoTweetsSake
767 Followers 751 Following I is a black man and I alsos be white.〰 Just Linda 〰 @LindaInDisguise
12K Followers 4K Following Installing a dating app when you're lonely is like going grocery shopping when you're hungry. Either way, you have cake and regret ahead of you.Bob Phillips @BobTheSuit
14K Followers 10K Following Catch me on @SIRIUSXM, @SalAndBobShow! New album out on @ontourrecordsShae Aaron @ShaeAaron
13K Followers 6K Following Don't believe anything you read.. If I wrote it, it’s a jokeThe Real Kim Shady @boobalander
2K Followers 660 Following yeah it’s me, ur favorite baddie. anyway, $4 a pound𝑱𝑨𝑹𝑬𝑫 @JaredMay76
10K Followers 9K Following Here for the memes, news, and laughs. Avid consumer of books, baseball, music, movies & reefer. #BUAlumni #MLB⚾️ #DirtyWaterMilind Gadagkar @milxind
11K Followers 2K Following Storyteller | Filmmaker | Adrenaline Junkie | Film & Content Buff | Avid Reader | Eternal Optimist | Adventurer | Student | Army Brat | Carpe Diem |Sarah Everett @goddammitsarah
11K Followers 2K Following digital sorceress ⚡ does anyone know how to curse a real swordTurn America Solid Bl.. @JoeRobinEnjoyer
54K Followers 58K Following #VoteBlueNoMatterWho #TurnTexasBlue #BidenHarris #AutismSuperpower #FBR he/him Ultra Anti MAGA Alt: @SolidBlueAltMohd. Imran (乇мմ�.. @TheSoulfulEMU
125K Followers 128K Following #BeingEMU 🔮 Digital Media & Brand Consultant 🧰 Certified Life Purpose #LifeCoach 🧠 Peacemaker 🕊 Awake 👁 Introvert ☯️ Founder & CEO @BIZBoost & @BTweeps_ 🚀🦸🏽♂️Thom.. @ResistMonsters
23K Followers 22K Following #Scifi #Fantasy #Memes #PostApocalyptic #LongCovid #CPTSD #ADHD #Photography #Comedy #Gaming This is the Apocalypse. Left.Boris @vladimirtutin
31K Followers 33K Following Retired, love college basketball, football, and golf. Life Dem, antiDonnie, active blue resistor#dumptrump,impeach now,happily married,no trolls, no dms,please!яicку @iinkedZombie
10K Followers 5K Following | I'm all in as long as I don't have to be involved | Armed & Dadly | Chop Chop | https://t.co/2mobAMW2doJonathan Overton @urduecksalesguy
105K Followers 41K Following Commissioner of The Legendary Football Pool * x World Famous Car Salesman ⚡️https://t.co/paDcnRty8S⚡️ @MediSpa_LaBella #Just_Du_eck #PickLegendaryPAY Pig @PAYpig7766
12K Followers 6K FollowingMichigan Music Man @GeorgeMgoblue07
11K Followers 12K Following Opinionated old dude. Amazing daughters, great marriage love dogs. Hate Republicans voting blue all the way Follow me I will follow you. I play music 4 funkaty moukakou @princessekateri
12K Followers 3K Following “Who has not sat before his own heart’s curtain? It lifts: and the scenery is falling apart”~ R. M. Rilke 🖤 “Lift Me Up” Rihanna🖤 https://t.co/wzGeaWbC0YStrxwmxn @strxwmxn
8K Followers 1K Following You should have Googled my name or gone to YouTube and entered my name. Now it is too late.Arivalter Bahyão, of.. @Retlavira
11K Followers 11K Following Poeta, Escritor e Compositor brasileiro, com diversos trabalhos publicados. (Poet, Writer and brasilian Composer with several works published.) ♡ Eve ♡ @evecullen610
29K Followers 9K Following gently, touch me with your words (my tweets...my words)© •she/her• #oneforevercontrary_mary @sordid_mary
8K Followers 2K Following Still platinum. bibliophile. Adrift in possibilities.Bunny 🐇 @ponygalcurtis
14K Followers 10K Following FL via NY. Mom. Florida Master Naturalist Democrat ❤️ Wilco, George Bailey, ecology #antifascist #BLM 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈 she/her Knowledge is the antidote to fearella (tiktok: @blonde.. @blondehotcoffee
2K Followers 2K Following i only tweet when i’m high or manicFunny Snarky Humor @FUNNYsnarkyJOKE
9K Followers 2K Following I like 2 make light of things 2 brighten up a dark world. #funny #humor #satire #snarky #memes #humour #hilariousJude Atwood @JudeAtwood
19K Followers 10K Following Writer & cartoonist. Author of the spooky middle grade mystery "Maybe There Are Witches," available now from Regal House/Fitzroy.Being Foolish @Celadonblues
4K Followers 4K Following Cert. Senior Roomba Manager, Whorehouse piano player part time, NASA countdown talent, Gruntled, Moralized, Absurdist, No DM TY, Omerta, PT everydayJen @JGirltotheNorth
8K Followers 1K FollowingPivo @bautanist
1K Followers 632 Following Peers detect there's something unnameably off about him More overwhelmed by all this than he appears Avi splash by @RiotGrlErin also @bautanist.bsky.socialSpacedMom @copymama
25K Followers 3K Following Writer of freelance copy. Cultivator of small humans. Documenter of absurdity. / Header by the talented @mommy_cussesDan Carney @DanManCarney
16K Followers 4K Following comedian, actor, click the link if you want to see me live (live, not live)It's The GirlPie! @TheGirlPie
1K Followers 140 Following Caustic encourager, busy procrastinator, natural blonde, and grateful you're so smart/funny/attractive~Graeme Smith @quantum_graeme
11K Followers 9K Following Theorist at @QuantumIQC. Quantum information, quantum computing, science, parenting. @graemesmith.bsky.social.andie 2, revenge of t.. @the_worst_vibes
852 Followers 778 Following 31 • college student • full of anxiety and Taco Bell💙 His Trials and T.. @CamusOverEasy
20K Followers 16K Following I like Albert Camus and eggs over easy. What's the point of dying if nobody knows you're dead? I can't walk a mile in your shoes if you're wearing them. 凡人D.N. Schmidt, space o.. @Writepop
10K Followers 7K Following Science fiction writer, humorist, and brain in a jar. Grab my books at Amazon! Read free stories, jokes, and writing tips at https://t.co/PmeQokhNBo.Lisa Burnett @aolanisausalito
22K Followers 22K Following #BlueResister#DemVoice1#DemocracyDefender NuanceDriven🇺🇦 Creator ❦ MediaDevelopment 🎥Editor ❡CartographerBlueJayPictures🌖 https://t.co/rBUCQpDkK7Carol 🇨🇦🇺�.. @teeniemartini
29K Followers 31K Following As one goes through life one learns that if you don't paddle your own canoe you don't move. Mom, Grandma, Advocate, Smartass LGBTQ Ally 🌈 🧷 💙 🌊 🚫MAGA🌱🌍🐬little grey mouse �.. @mouse_math
3K Followers 4K Following just a mouse with some imaginary friends. we like natural science, abstract math, ancient history, and stuff.TrueBlueBroad @emc_mcdonald
17K Followers 19K Following Democrat Biden Harris Union Pro Choice LGBTQIA BLM Dogs Ok Cats, too Got A DH Love Diesel & Nala #FuckTrump https://t.co/IYylFvjSBM.HandcuffsLauraBeth @XenaWarrior2024
16K Followers 16K Following Democracy~Ba-bay!💙BlueWave,Bitches💕🐶💕Sagittarius Southpaw💕#BidenBlue #DarkBrandon #ThankYouTG #KeremBürsin💙#BethDutton Proud Owner of Locker #4🆘#FacistFlorida �.. @shashatheitch22
25K Followers 26K Following #BeKind #PresidentBiden is my #birthdaytwin #GOPTraitors #OneLove #Respect #NoFuckery #Truth ! #CosmicCheerleader #BlackVotesMatter #JusticeMattersSmall unrecognizable emojis match my actual emotions perfectly.
When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.
can’t tell if im having a manic episode or if i really should learn to play the banjo
“I’m a doomsday prepper” I say to the Costco cashier as she scans 3 pallets of vodka and Uncrustables.
Adulting is just like being a kid. But I might be doing it wrong.
Someone told me a joke about sex after marriage but I don't get it
Women say they don’t want a misogynist, then they spend hundreds of dollars at a spa for one.
College bookstore: [selling protest signs at 400% markup] YOU NEED THESE FOR CLASS
People are worse than ever right now. This has to be rock bottom right?
Please listen carefully as our menu items have changed. Pressing any key at all will result in the random and gruesome death of a complete stranger. Here we go.
Shoving Alka Seltzer up my urethra just to feel alive again
Put "Never Bookmarked a Tweet" on my tombstone.
Them: you can always make new friends Me: out of what ?
Me: [tying my shoes for 40 years] My shoes: please stop saying “the rabbit goes around the tree” every time
Me in my 20s: how much drugs is too much drugs? Me in my 30s: can I overdose on ginger???
When your college kid doesn’t get the classes they need during registration it can be a major problem. A minor one too.