A Dad Influence @gbergan
Most of my followers are bots. You're probably not even real. My posts in this link ⬇️ twitter.com/search?q=from%… USA Joined December 2007-
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Bono: I still haven't found what I'm looking for Tag Team: Whoomp, there it is
Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.
Good morning to everyone except people at the supermarket checkout who don’t move along the conveyor belt at the same time as their shopping
When your college kid doesn’t get the classes they need during registration it can be a major problem. A minor one too.
Parenting experts never warn you that one day you'll offer to let your son borrow one of your ties to match the suit he's wearing for prom and he'll respond by asking you if you have anything that's not from the 1900s
In case you were questioning my mental health I just bought my son a slide whistle.
Not many people like to think about this but before the Piano Man was the Piano Man he was the Recorder Boy.
My girls were being complete wild raccoons and some dude said enjoy every moment it goes by fast so I told them to attack.
Is nobody going to talk about how that witch Marie Callendar creates a flaky crust on her microwave pot pie?
I wore makeup and now my phone refuses to recognise me.
I don't think a disembodied skull is scary. What's it gonna do, trip you?
If you sleep wrong and your neck hurts all day, everyone has to know about it.
They should just combine Reynolds and Gosling into one Ryan.
If you're better than most people at Limbo... Are you still below average? 🤔
No one’s more of a meteorologist than a dad going to a baseball game.
TBH, “phoning it in” still sounds like a lot of work.
Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.
According to the price for a graduation cake from Baskin, son is either getting a cake or college, not both.
Do men’s ears actually work or they just for show?
Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking
56K Followers 1K Following introvert. Husband. Dad of 3. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My links! https://t.co/X1R5q5AVST seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents @cheezburMcDad @mcdadstuff
9K Followers 2K Following I like dad jokes and I cannot lie. https://t.co/bbtLUiYKKg Find more of my tweets here ⬇️Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbolRodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlvJessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below@itssherifield @itssherifield
13K Followers 1K Following Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e5DfKReal Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids
20K Followers 1K Following freelance writer | content creator | someone once told me I was funny, for a mom | featured on BuzzFeed, Today Parents, HuffPost & more | Read my tweets👇Kevin The Dad @kevinthedad
15K Followers 974 Following Husband. Dad. Co-creator of 2 cool kids. I write fun stories about the shenanigans I experience as a parent!One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom
14K Followers 942 Following wife || mom of three || perpetually late || relatively unsociable || my tweets ➡️ https://t.co/zTOnobXohjNicholasG @Dad_At_Law
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16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1Msixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
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47K Followers 3K Following contributor @scarymommy @romper [email protected] Tweets: https://t.co/5zWeBtUUx6Katie D @KatieDeal99
16K Followers 2K Following Bios are hard. On Instagram as katiedeal99 https://t.co/iMruSPyTavyour other mom @difficultpatty
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3K Followers 676 Following 👨🏻💻Founder & iOS/visionOS @appMoneyCoach, @RTScreenTime, https://t.co/hkWs1zy0W8 📱 Making apps since iOS 4 📈 #iOS #appoftheday #spatialComputing32 pennies @Albatro05700291
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387 Followers 790 Following 💫 What positive things have you done today?💡 🌍 Join us in creating a brighter world 🌈 #positivenation #positivething #positivevibesMaye Musk ✪ @maye_musk111
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271 Followers 268 Following Recent housewife. Mama bear. I design book covers as a hobby. Not a pro, won't DM you. Married to the love of my life @thebrazenbeard 15 yrs!Fenris @Fenris44362118
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92 Followers 338 Following The only place I wanna go, Is anywhere there's people I don't know… Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 🎧🇨🇦ƬӨЯᄃΉI�.. @kingtorc
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208 Followers 395 Following Engineer turned businesses owner. Born & raised in Columbus, Ohio. Parochial school. Four grown children. Enjoys competitive ballroom dancing. INTJ to INFJEllen @ellenroberts1
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45 Followers 3K FollowingMandyelisa @Mandyelisa68851
88 Followers 626 FollowingRonald Singleterry, M.. @Singleterry
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34K Followers 19K Following Slightly past middle-age Dad & Husband. Author of my pinned tweet. How 'bout them O's! Go Terps! Literary idiot. Baseball fanatic. 96% humor, 4% other stuff.She Ginger @Sheginger
10K Followers 9K Following Pale as Wonder Bread. Laughter IS the best medicine! Writes stuff. https://t.co/MCQmU7lU88Ashley Chapman @momchronicles18
24 Followers 391 Following I’m just a mom that’s been momming for 17 years. I have 5 kids (Jennifer 17 ♏️ Jon 16 ♏️ Justin 14 ♌️ Jessica 7 ♎️ and Jayden 1 ♏️) I done seen it all 💁🏻♀️J. Dalton @JDaltonAuthor
4K Followers 3K Following Leukemia survivor. #Scifi Author of the Gates to the Galaxies! series. Read 1st chapters here FREE! https://t.co/evcG48upLASin & Tonic 🇨🇦 @CrownsAndThings
14K Followers 8K Following Hi, I’m human and it hurts. Not a dude. Live, laugh, toaster bath. A-romantic. She/her. #AbortionRightsAreHumanRightsAmy @AmysGotBirds
6K Followers 6K Following Thank you for the gift of your advice. By any chance, did you keep the receipt?Patrick Sheil @Patrick08752
1K Followers 5K FollowingOneGoodCult @OneGoodCult
1 Followers 45 Following Join me. No narcissistic leader. No weird sex stuff.evelyn lee @hedieirawan
1K Followers 5K FollowingDiana @LaraJamar7832
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41 Followers 134 Following Join us in embracing a nurturing journey where every cuddables is an expression of care and purity .#Cuddables #BabyCare #Vegan #ToxinFree #NaturalIngredientsB @Seattlestella
955 Followers 3K Following retired teenager stuck in old woman's body. still not sure what color my parachute is?Mohd. Imran (乇мմ�.. @TheSoulfulEMU
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10 Followers 107 Following “Wang, what’s with the pictures it’s a parking lot...come on will ya?”Alison @AlisonLeighinDC
233 Followers 956 Following made the cut on post. mom to #myweefi southern gal, event planner, love all things travel / art / history / food & gracious entertaining #voteblue #blmPaul V. Rea @PaulVRea
373 Followers 120 Following A monster science created but could not destroy! Entertainment writer and general TV junkie looking for my next fix.Brian Bodor @Bodog96
700 Followers 4K Following Gonna tell you how much I 💕 you. Though you think you already know. Gonna SHOW you how much I 💕 you. THEN you will finally know.X❤Danomaly❤️X @DatWalshGurl
1K Followers 1K Following Kindness is free-sprinkle that shit everywhere. I'm a super hero on here.. I am not a bot.. Here is my cashapp name..Lisa kitson @lisa6829
94 Followers 3K Following I meant to say on my profile ! (I joined twitter in 2010 and my birth age which I don’t mind disclosing it ,27-10-1970Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking
56K Followers 1K Following introvert. Husband. Dad of 3. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My links! https://t.co/X1R5q5AVST seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents @cheezburMcDad @mcdadstuff
9K Followers 2K Following I like dad jokes and I cannot lie. https://t.co/bbtLUiYKKg Find more of my tweets here ⬇️Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbolRodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlvJessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below@itssherifield @itssherifield
13K Followers 1K Following Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e5DfKReal Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids
20K Followers 1K Following freelance writer | content creator | someone once told me I was funny, for a mom | featured on BuzzFeed, Today Parents, HuffPost & more | Read my tweets👇Kevin The Dad @kevinthedad
15K Followers 974 Following Husband. Dad. Co-creator of 2 cool kids. I write fun stories about the shenanigans I experience as a parent!One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom
14K Followers 942 Following wife || mom of three || perpetually late || relatively unsociable || my tweets ➡️ https://t.co/zTOnobXohjNicholasG @Dad_At_Law
23K Followers 4K Following Father of girls, Husband of wife, Coach of kids. Protagonist for the People in court, yet to win an argument at home. *ᵗʷᵉᵉᵗˢ ᵃʳᵉ ⁿᵒᵗ ˡᵉᵍᵃˡ ᵒᵖⁱⁿⁱᵒⁿˢ*Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1Msixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
50K Followers 7K Following Loves animals more than most people. https://t.co/bTlLzDrFl4Mad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsndDan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy
25K Followers 7K Following Comedian//Comedy Writer Sometimes I write funny stuff so keep checking. https://t.co/QwGtdvzVphThat Mom Tho @mom_tho
47K Followers 3K Following contributor @scarymommy @romper [email protected] Tweets: https://t.co/5zWeBtUUx6☮️𝕃𝕒𝕟�.. @lanechanged
86K Followers 55K Following ᴘᴇᴀᴄe•ꜱᴀʀᴄᴀꜱᴍ•ᴅɪʀᴛʏᴍᴀʀᴛɪɴɪꜱ ₘᵢₗdₗy ᵢₘₚᵣₒₚₑᵣ ₛₒₘₑₜᵢₘₑₛ eх-pro ғιɢυre ѕĸαтer &мoм #AllyToAll #ProChoice #TheGOPsuxMowgli @Holy_Mowgli
10K Followers 1K Following header courtesy of @dave_cactus my top tweets: https://t.co/2L1ckFsMM1Harry @DEselmore
1K Followers 5K Following To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticizeAshley Chapman @momchronicles18
24 Followers 391 Following I’m just a mom that’s been momming for 17 years. I have 5 kids (Jennifer 17 ♏️ Jon 16 ♏️ Justin 14 ♌️ Jessica 7 ♎️ and Jayden 1 ♏️) I done seen it all 💁🏻♀️🔥Firecracker-K🔥 @KaRaRacn75
5K Followers 2K Following I’ve seen spirits since I was six. 5’11 Dirt track racing ❤️love music, animals, nature! NO DMS!!Did I mention that I’m a pyro 🧨 I’m taken!!Dwight Yoakums Tiny P.. @wtfdidujussay
1K Followers 5K Following if you’re gonna be dumb ya gotta be tough.B @Seattlestella
955 Followers 3K Following retired teenager stuck in old woman's body. still not sure what color my parachute is?LorazeKim ™ 🏴.. @_KimberleyAnna
1K Followers 918 Following Villainous, cantankerous. They call me NightHawk. I’m everywhere. I’m nowhere. If I don’t text back it’s ‘cause I’m helping Batman, baby #FuckCancer🇨🇦ƬӨЯᄃΉI�.. @kingtorc
11K Followers 11K Following Family, Friends, Music & Motorcycles. Laughter is the cure - Winnipeg Born @nhljets @chiefsMiss Conduct @serenehavoc
13K Followers 1K Following Rules are for people who don't know what to do.CJ and the Brew @youarethejokes
637 Followers 571 Following Thots and prayers for you in these difficult times. Unserious inquiries only.Deebs @DeebsFLA
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20K Followers 11K Following The witch is back ! No Dick pics or I’ll share and mock with my friends. Busy introverting. sipping bourbon & love my Phillies ❤️⚾️Garry Gray @GarryJGray
3K Followers 4K Following A #NZ born, #QLDER living in #Sydney with the FPM. A love of #Tech, #Travel #Humour #Rugby #WRC #F1 #Leadership & #Sports. #QueeNZlander Views are my own.Alison the Read @alisontheread
3K Followers 1K Following I have a headache. Probably researching something depressing. Quaker. she/her. https://t.co/OuK118DSunSin & Tonic 🇨🇦 @CrownsAndThings
14K Followers 8K Following Hi, I’m human and it hurts. Not a dude. Live, laugh, toaster bath. A-romantic. She/her. #AbortionRightsAreHumanRights…………….. @loksbugme
3K Followers 940 FollowingSpellbound @Spell_boundd
23K Followers 7K Following Perpetually tired girl mom ♡ lover of naps, pretty skies and cheese ♡ ***I don't answer dms***She Ginger @Sheginger
10K Followers 9K Following Pale as Wonder Bread. Laughter IS the best medicine! Writes stuff. https://t.co/MCQmU7lU88Ellen @ellenroberts1
19K Followers 21K Following Pick me a single flower because you want to, instead of a dozen roses because you have to. https://t.co/e2sEt4kJKRTired Mom @TiredMomma7
2K Followers 1K Following Just a mom looking to vent a little but doesn't have anyone to talk to. 💙 #SAHM #PCOS #PCOSmom #infertilityDr. Jeff Computers @JeffMyspace
6K Followers 4K Following Opinions are not my own. I have no control over tweets; all living things exist without reason. https://t.co/LkXHTi67eyPaul 🤦♂️ @paulsquire1970
3K Followers 3K Following Here for a laugh 😊 please don't take things seriously 😉ßευtίƒυℓεη�.. @BeUtifulEnigma7
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34K Followers 19K Following Slightly past middle-age Dad & Husband. Author of my pinned tweet. How 'bout them O's! Go Terps! Literary idiot. Baseball fanatic. 96% humor, 4% other stuff.Amy @AmysGotBirds
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12K Followers 12K Following English teacher/writer. Liberal. NO DMs. #USC #ChapmanUGavin Thomas @gavinthomas2015
17K Followers 11K Following The left-brained/right-brained guy. Asking X's most important questions.Linda @LindaPe94835146
7K Followers 5K Following Be Kind to each other. Life is not a competition I don’t know what is going on 🚫No DmJ. Dalton @JDaltonAuthor
4K Followers 3K Following Leukemia survivor. #Scifi Author of the Gates to the Galaxies! series. Read 1st chapters here FREE! https://t.co/evcG48upLAAaron Jack Arts @aaronjackarts
11K Followers 12K Following Artist+Interviewer+Producer Web3. Photos published Forbes,NYT,Vice,Slate,TIME,CNN,NPR. https://t.co/yvtFCnSGLj https://t.co/IojSF4yXv0BroonsTheBoxcarDrifte.. @ChefCurmudgeony
1K Followers 1K Following out there somewhere, park spooning.Lori - Breaker of Cur.. @lori_socal
14K Followers 4K Following Freedom. Comedy. *Please use animal references when describing the size of something. Thank you. 🚫porn. https://t.co/O75o749vNuFUNNY TWEETS @JokesMemesFacts
1.4M Followers 32 Following Mostly funny tweets memes jokes sometimes love and relationship quotes and life factspeach 🍑🇵🇸 @peachontwitta
9K Followers 2K Following getting people drunk for a living since ‘08. please don’t fall in love with me.Judianna @Judianna
22K Followers 14K Following Former Ruckus Causing Redhead. Now embracing the gray and content to be the grande dame of Boomity.Nicki💗 @AwkwardAndOdd
60K Followers 806 Following Dancer. Daydreamer. Potato thief. Hobbit 🏴https://t.co/In29O5zzYSMax von Side-Eye @SvenTystnad
10K Followers 8K Following I like to watch movies, eat cheese, and brag about it. Writing stories now and publishing on https://t.co/KQItLk3TAG 💁♂️ #FilmTwitter #HumoristI'm feeling quite needy tonight. Could somebody come and tuck me in? No funny stuff though. Okay - maybe some early Steve Martin.
She's got legs and knows how to use them but her arms just hang there like sausages
Good morning to everyone except people at the supermarket checkout who don’t move along the conveyor belt at the same time as their shopping
I think my problem may be that I'm both a "perfectionist" and "not very good."
My husband’s equivalent of ‘the boy who cried wolf’ is ‘I thought you had the baby.’
The amount of my spit I randomly choke to death on for no reason is getting out of hand.
Life is short. Go ahead and dance to that Hall & Oates song in the grocery store. You know you want to
Why is it that the people at protests more often than not resemble the characters from the cantina scene in Star Wars?
After age 30 do we keep all clothes in case they fit again forever? Asking for a friend.
When your college kid doesn’t get the classes they need during registration it can be a major problem. A minor one too.
My 10 y/o son has a lot of friends who show up on our doorstep but by far my most fave lil dude has got to be the one who always appears holdin a fistful of ham
Parenting experts never warn you that one day you'll offer to let your son borrow one of your ties to match the suit he's wearing for prom and he'll respond by asking you if you have anything that's not from the 1900s
In case you were questioning my mental health I just bought my son a slide whistle.
Someday soon, I’m gonna make a fax joke at work and everyone’s gonna be like what’s a fax and then you can just wheel me straight to the nursing home
@gbergan Then charges entirely too much for it? Yeah its called lard! Lol😂
My girls were being complete wild raccoons and some dude said enjoy every moment it goes by fast so I told them to attack.