Lance Said This @Lance_Said_This
Wrote for Rules of Engagement on CBS and then for Disney. Still a fun loving souse. I like crosswords and people who don't litter. Bsky & Insta: @ LanceSaidThis twitter.com/search?q=from%… Los Angeles, CA Joined April 2012-
Tweets13K
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Followers3K
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Following2K
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Likes34K
Shout-out to the very sexy Green M&M for normalizing my body type
I may be out of touch with people in my own age group, but I'm also out of touch with people much younger than me and people much older than me
I use humor as a way of coping with the alien that is about to burst out of my chest
Also me: still don’t get it Me: maybe I’ll try watching that movie Memento again
Friend: How was your job interview? Me: I think I hugged him too long.
I hope this email finds you- Waldo: *slams laptop shut* holy fuck that was close
my car just failed inspection. it was over the legal limit of taco bell wrappers
Of course I think you should be yourself! But wouldn't it be better if the self you were was vastly different?
(Falling asleep) My body: hey let's play whac-a-mole except with an itch
Yes, Hannibal Lecter had his faults, but I think it would be a joy to be with someone who wasn't such a picky eater.
I bought you a gift for Earth Day! It's in this giant plastic bag, under the wrapping paper, inside this box filled with styrofoam peanuts.
I thought we fixed climate change when I used that paper straw last week?
Who are espresso martinis for if not those of us with a deep passion for drunkenly shitting our pants
Lebron James is so good. I swear, he's like the Michael Jordan of basketball!
Look at all those crazy stoners getting excited just because today is 4/20," I say, still hungover from St. Patrick's Day.
Surely this airport salad will make up for all previous gluttony
i feel pretty confident that if you pour a mcdonald’s sprite on a corpse it’ll be resurrected.
We should also have background checks on all t-shirt cannon purchases.
That photo you’ve seen of me pushing children down to get in line 1st at the Pizza Hut buffet is most likely AI generated.
Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin
55K Followers 3K Following • goth daria vibes • fear does not exist in this bio • muppet enthusiast • reba/dolly 2024 • subscribe •
President Warren G. H.. @PopeAwesomeXIII
13K Followers 2K Following Commercially Inviable. ✌️ 29th US President (1921-1923) 🧐 Tip jar! https://t.co/Igf16XkzWv ❤ He/Him 👍 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️ ❤️ See pinned for migration info
NurseBrianRN @rn_murse
19K Followers 825 Following Singer-Songscreamer I Gay Homosexual I Pubic Figure | Fourth Thing
Daveastated @Daveastated
7K Followers 1K Following Now I am become Dave, the destroyer of words. *Inventor of the flinglong* I only sleep to give my phone a break
Jason Not Evil @JasonNotEvil
17K Followers 4K Following Screenwriter and fart joke enthusiast Popular tweets: https://t.co/cVlfPJFRBK
DamnFineTweet @damnfinetweet
13K Followers 3K Following RIP DamnFineTweet 8/7/2019-4/27/2023 thank you for 85000 trophies and a million good vibes. I'll miss you!
A Dad Influence @gbergan
7K Followers 2K Following Most of my followers are bots. You're probably not even real. My posts in this link ⬇️
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz
cap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname
11K Followers 2K Following slowly backing away. TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/K8oKqyuL84 click below for recent. I’m the same guy at the other places.
SneezingWithWetMascar.. @WetMascara
20K Followers 2K Following Yes, THAT Thanksgiving tweet. My Faves: https://t.co/90HdOEinlH Recent Tweets in Link Below.
Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve
25K Followers 10K Following you've been smooching with everybody Blocked by https://t.co/SziO9kNFRO https://t.co/DaU98OFAMv
evelyn lee @hedieirawan
1K Followers 5K Following
Evie-mae Wagatsuma @MaeWagatsu79029
69 Followers 5K Following
Ada Safer @AdaSafer49176
36 Followers 5K Following
Vena Kho @KhoVena15189
60 Followers 5K Following
YONGLUIS 🍄 @Jasperiuss24OG
115 Followers 2K Following what's a festival without a trip.🧟🧟 Expand your mind on micro-dosing 🍄 click on the link on my bio to join my telegram channel.
Aaminah Imbimbo @ImbiAamin
12 Followers 3K Following
Pixtoria @AmirAzizpour777
1K Followers 4K Following Pixtoria revolutionizes education, integrating multi-sensory learning & emotional intelligence with a Nature-Centric approach,fostering pers growth & creativity
Aundrea Inostraza @InostraAundre
51 Followers 5K Following
Ardelia Shiba @ArdeliaShi15820
67 Followers 5K Following
Nayele18 @nayele18maybe
6K Followers 767 Following I don't want to hold your baby. https://t.co/j5EntsyPAc
Magda Schedler @MagdaSched34360
34 Followers 5K Following
Eshaal Gimenez @EshaalGime
54 Followers 5K Following
Torie Marsolais @ToMarsola
87 Followers 5K Following
Vernon Mulliner @VMulliner74425
100 Followers 5K Following
Deuce @deucez75
107 Followers 475 Following
Someone @Someone70537168
85 Followers 854 Following
T.L.C🤓-𝒞𝒶�.. @twistedxtay
5K Followers 1K Following Sassy since birth, salty by choice💁🏼♀️ Open book 📖 “Soul of a mermaid 🧜♀️ mouth of a sailor ⚓️” 🖤NSFW
Ailynn @AilynnTravels
18 Followers 26 Following ✈Traveling all over a digitally created universe 🎮gaming enthusiast ☕ lover and nerd 🤖🧠 Let's embark on an unforgettable journey together!🌍🎮☕
Johnette Namisnak @johnet_namis
69 Followers 5K Following
Yongluis @GaluhEnter
841 Followers 3K Following click on the link below to join my telegram channel ⬇️⬇️
Ileana Bionda @IleaBionda
54 Followers 5K Following
Jasmin Hirst @jasm_hirs
29 Followers 5K Following
Santa Boone @SantaBoone8234
76 Followers 5K Following
Lynda Hester @lynda54046
61 Followers 5K Following
ella (tiktok: @blonde.. @blondehotcoffee
2K Followers 2K Following i only tweet when i’m high or manic
L.E. @LE_Kay88
775 Followers 1K Following May be closer than appears. Probably stupid. Completely oblivious. Sometimes I think things and then I tweet them.
Marta Maletz @Marta_Maletz
463 Followers 2K Following Brooklyn Mother, Broker, Lover of babies, puppies, music & a good deal. Cali girl at heart.
¸„.-•~¹°”ˆ�.. @AuthorRKK
13K Followers 7K Following Erotic Romance author, Poet Alt: @AuthorRKK_ Wordy & nerdy Unapologetically quirky Amazon: https://t.co/0yAV61gvSH *Be easy to love & hard to know*
John ⚡💫 🛸💥.. @coolgoofball
698 Followers 502 Following @wayofthedodo RIP 🥂 A fucking hunk. Complaining. Skating. GIF nerd. Real goofball.
Winona Grindel @GrindeWino
97 Followers 5K Following
Funny Snarky Humor @FUNNYsnarkyJOKE
9K Followers 2K Following I like 2 make light of things 2 brighten up a dark world. #funny #humor #satire #snarky #memes #humour #hilarious
Anaya Quinerly @quiner_ana
35 Followers 5K Following
meeka @MeekyBlinders
1K Followers 331 Following just a girl tweeting every thought that comes to mind - alt for friends :) @bushsbakedbug
Mark Powell @MarkPowell40164
437 Followers 5K Following
Jolyn Brockwell @BrockwellJ8137
84 Followers 5K Following
Neda Bolick @BolickBol
70 Followers 5K Following
Insert a witty name h.. @Thehotstoner
5K Followers 3K Following Just like weed, I make everything better. Doll, Baby Girl,Sweetheart,Goddess 💍 Stay out of my DM's with your pee pees 1117
Genna Sumter @GennaSumte98072
62 Followers 5K Following
Sherry Casebolt @SheCasebo
32 Followers 5K Following
Mo Scato Mo Problems @Zeusaphone
228 Followers 488 Following
the World's Greatest .. @JAMnit_JAM
383 Followers 226 Following Asshole, JAMnit Studios CEO, Pres. of the Psyduck fanclub, a literal Lord, Twitter therapist, and the world's greatest narcissist. PS: Also postscripts a lot.
Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin
55K Followers 3K Following • goth daria vibes • fear does not exist in this bio • muppet enthusiast • reba/dolly 2024 • subscribe •
President Warren G. H.. @PopeAwesomeXIII
13K Followers 2K Following Commercially Inviable. ✌️ 29th US President (1921-1923) 🧐 Tip jar! https://t.co/Igf16XkzWv ❤ He/Him 👍 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️ ❤️ See pinned for migration info
NurseBrianRN @rn_murse
19K Followers 825 Following Singer-Songscreamer I Gay Homosexual I Pubic Figure | Fourth Thing
Daveastated @Daveastated
7K Followers 1K Following Now I am become Dave, the destroyer of words. *Inventor of the flinglong* I only sleep to give my phone a break
Jason Not Evil @JasonNotEvil
17K Followers 4K Following Screenwriter and fart joke enthusiast Popular tweets: https://t.co/cVlfPJFRBK
A Dad Influence @gbergan
7K Followers 2K Following Most of my followers are bots. You're probably not even real. My posts in this link ⬇️
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz
cap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname
11K Followers 2K Following slowly backing away. TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/K8oKqyuL84 click below for recent. I’m the same guy at the other places.
SneezingWithWetMascar.. @WetMascara
20K Followers 2K Following Yes, THAT Thanksgiving tweet. My Faves: https://t.co/90HdOEinlH Recent Tweets in Link Below.
Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve
25K Followers 10K Following you've been smooching with everybody Blocked by https://t.co/SziO9kNFRO https://t.co/DaU98OFAMv
Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 @Tobi_Is_Fab
43K Followers 4K Following Sometimes on @BuzzFeed @HuffPostParents @Cheezburger @boredpanda @ThePoke @theCHIVE @TODAYshow @Upworthy❤️ Jeff Goldblum & Oxford commas. Avi by @popartcartoonz
Eka Bakie @EkaBakie
6K Followers 2K Following She/Her. Catfish. Atheist. Queen of gif. Reviewer of weird books. Don’t touch me
Nayele18 @nayele18maybe
6K Followers 767 Following I don't want to hold your baby. https://t.co/j5EntsyPAc
T.L.C🤓-𝒞𝒶�.. @twistedxtay
5K Followers 1K Following Sassy since birth, salty by choice💁🏼♀️ Open book 📖 “Soul of a mermaid 🧜♀️ mouth of a sailor ⚓️” 🖤NSFW
ella (tiktok: @blonde.. @blondehotcoffee
2K Followers 2K Following i only tweet when i’m high or manic
L.E. @LE_Kay88
775 Followers 1K Following May be closer than appears. Probably stupid. Completely oblivious. Sometimes I think things and then I tweet them.
Funny Snarky Humor @FUNNYsnarkyJOKE
9K Followers 2K Following I like 2 make light of things 2 brighten up a dark world. #funny #humor #satire #snarky #memes #humour #hilarious
meeka @MeekyBlinders
1K Followers 331 Following just a girl tweeting every thought that comes to mind - alt for friends :) @bushsbakedbug
Mo Scato Mo Problems @Zeusaphone
228 Followers 488 Following
apocalypse wow @apocalypse__wow
160 Followers 454 Following nina 👩🏻⚖️and olivia 🧟♀️pod about having fun online at the end of the world
mr. wife @wrinklefreelee
1K Followers 809 Following opinions are someone elses | @jooniemoon1990 wifeguy
Jesse Taylor Lewis @torkum
1K Followers 763 Following I was and will be therefore I am. Empathy activated. I'm on a random quantum exploration through the universe, it's nice
just a poor boy @runthejules18
6K Followers 5K Following just a communist sentient soda cup. 25 years old
Alex @AlexShaneMoore
5K Followers 1K Following
the World's Greatest .. @JAMnit_JAM
383 Followers 226 Following Asshole, JAMnit Studios CEO, Pres. of the Psyduck fanclub, a literal Lord, Twitter therapist, and the world's greatest narcissist. PS: Also postscripts a lot.
John ⚡💫 🛸💥.. @coolgoofball
698 Followers 502 Following @wayofthedodo RIP 🥂 A fucking hunk. Complaining. Skating. GIF nerd. Real goofball.
Big Miss Steak 🐊 @Hawaiijeno
2K Followers 2K Following retired burlesque performer & bellydancer. I have never successfully folded a fitted sheet. DMs are not a great ice breaker and voice DMs guarantee a block.
Alexius @Alexius_sc2
3K Followers 3K Following eccentric in a quaint way like dessert spoons, top 0.3% on @duolingo
🇨🇦ƬӨЯᄃΉI�.. @kingtorc
11K Followers 11K Following Family, Friends, Music & Motorcycles. Laughter is the cure - Winnipeg Born @nhljets @chiefs
Conspiratorial Templa.. @mynamehear
10K Followers 6K Following They did it. You know who. THEM. Vote blue. Democracy vs. dictatorship should not be a difficult choice.
Insert a witty name h.. @Thehotstoner
5K Followers 3K Following Just like weed, I make everything better. Doll, Baby Girl,Sweetheart,Goddess 💍 Stay out of my DM's with your pee pees 1117
Mr. Christopher @iamalmostlegend
19K Followers 17K Following All we got is this moment, 21st century’s yesterday. I’m a multiverse of multi-verses. https://t.co/XGh12H1leW
Bird Eckler @Birdeckler
2K Followers 3K Following Morsels of joy, mixed with sprinkles of outrage. Results may vary.
Shweta @Shwetangles
13K Followers 8K Following My funny takes. My dark angles. Some clear thoughts. Some tangles.
UwUTangClan @Executivejeff1
2K Followers 2K Following pasta enthusiast, lite beer enjoyer actually born yesterday
Stone Cold Jane Auste.. @AbbyHiggs
12K Followers 4K Following Feral essayist. Genderclear. They/Thembo. Professor: @MorganStateU Words: @MarieClaire_sa @Guardian @The_Rumpus @VICE🖖
CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly
2K Followers 1K Following on the one hand, i’m a depressive misanthropic hateful hypocritical piece of shit he/him/that asshole
SHANtilly Lace @theshantilly
31K Followers 9K Following I am many things, but I am nothing without sarcasm.
L.A. Dad @LADaddy
9K Followers 6K Following Everybody was not kung-fu fighting. Some of us had a cramp. Tweets n' such: https://t.co/PAbVbAVaIH
Andi @smiles_and_nods
413 Followers 243 Following Andi 2.0 Lost everyone during my Twitter sabbatical. please follow again.
Snowy? @ow_snowy
5K Followers 3K Following I play games, I'm great at writing bios, and I just be saying things
DJ vAPED @DJvAPED
4K Followers 4K Following vAPED Vibes, Dope Beats & NFTs | Progressive, Bass, Tech House & Techno | djvaped on twitch, kick & all socials #EAPES #AKCB #y00ts
octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman2
250 Followers 143 Following
THEE DiscoWitch 🏳�.. @gothicdisco
3K Followers 5K Following Expat New Englander. Book, horror, history nerd. Tie-dyed glitter goth witch with a sense of humour blacker than my clothes. She/her. #KHive #ConstantReader
Deeny (they/them) @councilofDeen
2K Followers 697 Following ⚜ J'emmerde la loi 96 ⚜| hot and autistic |SwEr and artist | OF https://t.co/LQc51nxJ0O
Workshop Saturday. Did some laser etch into this dragons blood powder coat. Rotary tool is amazing! Whatcha think ?
i would like to return these feelings to their original owner
republicans, which 3 you choosing?
I disagree that you dress like Cary Grant. In this thread, I will list some of the ways in which your dress differs and why such important details matter. 🧵
Do I need to have some suits like the ones on the left made? I dress like the guy on the right already but the first guy has a lot more style.
Yes, it’s very natural for tires to molt their skin a few times per year
Who plays your parents in your biopic?
Who plays your parents in your biopic?
Shout-out to the very sexy Green M&M for normalizing my body type
Remember, body shaming is terrible unless it's about a guys height, body type, hair, facial hair, chest hair, dick size and wrinkles. Every other form has to stop. Now.
Men establish dominance by seeing who can stand further from the urinal and still not miss.
He said, “You are so cool and mature, most girls your age would not be into this,” but I didn’t know if he meant the jazz or the ass-fucking
I may be out of touch with people in my own age group, but I'm also out of touch with people much younger than me and people much older than me
I use humor as a way of coping with the alien that is about to burst out of my chest
if you ever need to talk, my door is always open. not the literal door of my house, that's always closed and locked three times. but a mental door. a helpful door. a door, to our friendship. a door that is hard to shut because it is abstract and doesn't have handles
doctor: what type of birth control are you using me: the one where men say stupid shit and my vagina stops working
18 days sober and it’s tattoo day for me. Show me some of your tattoos. Here are some of mine.
Kicking off my birthday weekend with the good stuff, because I’m worth it. And speaking of birthdays, this is a mighty sweet 16 single malt. Here’s to completing my 58th trip around the sun on Sunday, and to all of you, ‘cause you’re worth it, too. Slaínte, mates! 🥃
Also me: still don’t get it Me: maybe I’ll try watching that movie Memento again
The biggest lie 90s dudes told was that there was something in that wallet that made it worth chaining up
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