Oswald O'lottakum @OswaldOLottakum
public documentation of my horrible thoughts mobile.twitter.com/search?q=from%… thankfully not Louisiana Joined September 2016-
Tweets25K
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Followers3K
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Following1K
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Likes30K
If those are your toes, why’re they so finger lickin’ good?
Cutting my girlfriend's hair in her sleep so I can say "did you cut your hair"
In the last 5 years I've changed jobs 5 times. Maybe I'm the problem? No, it's capitalism's fault
GF: well you're in a good mood today! Me, 12 beers deep: sho me yer bewbs hehe
[me getting audited by the IRS] IRS: so can you confirm this was your gross adjusted income for 2023 *slides me paper* Me: yeah, that's correct. IRS: lmao broke ass bitch
I sometimes remember how much fun we had playing split screen halo as kids. Why don't they make games split screen anymore?
The stress I feel from my girlfriend sending me a "which hamster is your girlfriend," reel and knowing there is a correct answer
I love asparagus, but it makes my pee taste so funny
Driving on a sunny warm day through the country side, windows down, blaring unwritten... How could life get any better? *Hears beer crack* 😊
GF: you're rewatching the mandelorian? Haven't you already seen it like three times? Me: *muffled* this is the way
Well if all your friends drove a ship into a bridge, would you? -my mom
[my turn to speak at AA] Me: my name is Kevin, and wtf was the grave fucking scene in salt burn about? It's been like 4 months and I'm still upset
Instead of saying: I just at some Chinese food, try: I got that dog in me
Me: You're charging me money for this after I did all that work? Freetaxusa: what made you think it'd be free? Me: the first word in your name Freetaxusa: wait till you get to state file lmao
I just want to live in a cabin in the woods, why is that such an unobtainable dream these days?
Me: a what? why would we want to stop the flow of teeth and stuff? Her: ... just fuckin lick it
What if we all just don't pay our taxes? They can't arrest all of us
If cum is just pee, and pee is stored in the balls, then you cum from your balls
Adam @adamgreattweet
63K Followers 3K Following Resident physician as seen on Buzzfeed and TV, RTd by Barack Obama. He/Him
.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin
55K Followers 3K Following • goth daria vibes • fear does not exist in this bio • muppet enthusiast • reba/dolly 2024 • subscribe •
Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
President Warren G. H.. @PopeAwesomeXIII
13K Followers 2K Following Commercially Inviable. ✌️ 29th US President (1921-1923) 🧐 Tip jar! https://t.co/Igf16XkzWv ❤ He/Him 👍 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️ ❤️ See pinned for migration info
NurseBrianRN @rn_murse
19K Followers 826 Following Singer-Songscreamer I Gay Homosexual I Pubic Figure | Fourth Thing
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
Nate Limit Exceeded @.. @perlhack
22K Followers 6K Following @natesmith.jawns.club homeless pirate. sustainable, carbon-neutral tweets. butterfly whisperer. official soup taster. likes LEGOs BLM. He/Him.
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
your other mom @difficultpatty
37K Followers 965 Following Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4Pw
Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1M
ADHDean @ADHDeanASL
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meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
Matty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
Stone @StoneAgeRadio13
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Royotathon 🚘 @Royotathon
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nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
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Constance Himebaugh @ConstanceH92123
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Jer @Jer232569487283
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X-NotMyName @Whisssstler1
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Adriane Schlender @schlender76020
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prettyisabella @prettyisab86931
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Candace Madeau @CandacMade
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Tammara Kimbal @TammaKimb
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Cicely Cripe @CrCicel
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Alana Landin @landin_ala
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Paramedic Firefighter @ParamedicVet
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Gracia Granieri @GraciaGrani
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Mrwolf Al Mcgregor @AlMrwolf
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Youlanda Delgoda @DelgoYoula
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Alba Berrigan @AlbaBerrig85363
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Samson Ndam @SamsonNdam75916
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Edwin McDaniel @edwin_mcda60932
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Vincent Mdaka @kvgoat12
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Lilly-mae Barias @barias_lilly
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Chickenpursechick @lilchickenboss
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Chloe bennevich @ChloeBennevich
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Nistor Bogdan @bogdannistor
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Lance V @LanceV65
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Celinda Skowronski @c_skowrons
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Mouhamadou Diagne @Mouhama95175860
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Barbara lambrix @BarbaraLa81697
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mamadou Jallow @camara_abd19993
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Fe Kundert @kund_f
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Brutus Willis @BrutusWillis
108 Followers 3K Following I'm here for the sexy stuff. I love everything that gets you hot and bothered. I like what turns me on and retweet what gets me off....
Mary @Crenellatedw35
0 Followers 4 Following The Awkward Moment when you keep Posting Statuses For your New Crush.. and..... and..... your EX Keep Liking It :D
Leonie Walko @LeonieWalk13435
42 Followers 5K Following
mya A @a49950558
353 Followers 2K Following
Tana Stodder @stodd_t
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Monica Anderson @AndersonMo79
51 Followers 880 Following 🦋 I am here as a Way Shower for others as we are coming into this new quantum age. 🧬 Learn how to navigate these exciting times with ease and grace!
Blossom Longan @BlossLonga
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Vivienne Muzio @MuzVivien
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Tina @Tina_zhuang_
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Ollie Viejo @OllieViejo57831
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Twana Lamprecht @LamprechtT25598
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Emily @DSoldatke10362
150 Followers 2K Following I want to accompany a gentleman to travel around the world. If you like me, then you can send me a private message!
Beatris Birdine @BeatrBirdi
48 Followers 5K Following
DMBhoodies @bostonkeith1
512 Followers 2K Following Happily single Boston sports fanatic. Even bigger fantasy sport enthusiast. Dmb concert any day Mental health advocate, if anyone wants to send me DMB hoodies..
teresa herring @herring1966
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Ruby Sclavi @ru_scla
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Adam @adamgreattweet
63K Followers 3K Following Resident physician as seen on Buzzfeed and TV, RTd by Barack Obama. He/Him
.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin
55K Followers 3K Following • goth daria vibes • fear does not exist in this bio • muppet enthusiast • reba/dolly 2024 • subscribe •
Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
President Warren G. H.. @PopeAwesomeXIII
13K Followers 2K Following Commercially Inviable. ✌️ 29th US President (1921-1923) 🧐 Tip jar! https://t.co/Igf16XkzWv ❤ He/Him 👍 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️ ❤️ See pinned for migration info
NurseBrianRN @rn_murse
19K Followers 826 Following Singer-Songscreamer I Gay Homosexual I Pubic Figure | Fourth Thing
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
Nate Limit Exceeded @.. @perlhack
22K Followers 6K Following @natesmith.jawns.club homeless pirate. sustainable, carbon-neutral tweets. butterfly whisperer. official soup taster. likes LEGOs BLM. He/Him.
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
your other mom @difficultpatty
37K Followers 965 Following Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4Pw
Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1M
ADHDean @ADHDeanASL
23K Followers 5K Following BLACK LIVES MATTER. Husband, dad, friend. Ally. ASL Interpreter. Doofus. Midvale School for the Gifted alum. Mastodon: [email protected]
meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
Matty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
Stone @StoneAgeRadio13
9K Followers 2K Following Big smartass, small pond. Based on true events and other bullshit I made up. https://t.co/zWj3lHItCn
Royotathon 🚘 @Royotathon
12K Followers 869 Following idiot. one time documentary subject. Métis. he/him https://t.co/wJiiuU7cAz
nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz
𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉.. @MoMohler
7K Followers 5K Following Rated 100% pure, grade A, American “little beef boy” by JD Power And Associates.
Carabella @chicabellz
678 Followers 1K Following
Mad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsnd
mugshawtys @mugshawtys
517K Followers 158 Following hope bae gets bail | owner: @jay_jeffs | 1.2m+ on IG https://t.co/959iHL9gdt
Uncle Drunky 🥃 @uncledrunky
7K Followers 6K Following I make jokes on the Internet. Neurodivergent. Chaotic good. I have broken multiple beds. Your mother will love me. I'll never subscribe to your OF.
Jill again @PostcardsfromMe
490 Followers 795 Following Easily molified by kind words. Uses her power rarely and only for good. Worries about you.
Ben Boven @benboven1
3K Followers 2K Following I write romantic comedies and apocalypse stories featuring the tiny house lifestyle. If that sounds cool, you're weird and I want to meet you.
@itssherifield @itssherifield
13K Followers 1K Following Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e5DfK
inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa
19K Followers 7K Following Public menace. Bog Witch. Level 58 Trainwreck. Costco Gold Star Member.
Phoenix Grace @jessika_grace
763 Followers 3K Following I'm only here for the food and cute cat pictures.
Irregular Expression @alandwilbur
276 Followers 507 Following Jesus, take it easy. We’re kidding over here.
Gross Ray @theheywhoha
2K Followers 832 Following Bankrupt 1930s glove tycoon. She/Her https://t.co/DIXA6HFjda
Shen @darcygrl1971
6K Followers 5K Following Just a cow lady. And chicken. And duck. And goat. Shit. I'm a farm.
Quintin @Mydaily_Q
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Bat 3 @BatHawkDown
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🌎Gaia 🌌🪶🖖.. @GAIAAENEAS
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The Curious Woodworke.. @TheCuriousWood1
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R E E S E @Its_Just_Reese
2K Followers 937 Following Jokes, doodles, and nerdy stuff! https://t.co/OdpzxSKv6z
Maggie @MaggieRieth
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Temporary Sequel @NoFabTobi
2K Followers 650 Following This is not the main account. I’m back at the main after the lock-out.
Bone Chocolates @BoneChocolates
6K Followers 2K Following Making my little jokes to distract myself from the terror of the walls closing in.
⛏️Amy Whatsherbut.. @PfftMaybe
1K Followers 1K Following Oof. Not very active here anymore. DM for contact info.
Daddy Go Fish @daddygofish
8K Followers 3K Following Warning: alcohol leads to kids leads to lots more alcohol.
numberjack @numberjack3
1K Followers 1K Following Dad & Hubbs & Vegan who runs | BLM | he/him | ⚡️ebiker⚡️
Benny Boy @Camel_Crushin
10K Followers 6K Following
A Dad Influence @gbergan
7K Followers 2K Following Most of my followers are bots. You're probably not even real. My posts in this link ⬇️
𝙴𝚗𝚗𝚞𝚒 .. @blueeyesgreene
12K Followers 4K Following let's get out of here ☁️: https://t.co/FXCn4TBLu7 more tweets @ link ⤵️
☕ 📚 L I Z 🐈�.. @LivedAHobbit
2K Followers 2K Following
WhoozahTwittahYuzah @TwittahYoozah
2K Followers 1K Following Reader/writer/lover/fighter. Over-thinker, ass-kicking ingenue, Oxford comma enthusiast, USN-trained pottymouth. @MothraStewart0 's girlfriend & getaway driver
Katie D @KatieDeal99
16K Followers 2K Following Bios are hard. On Instagram as katiedeal99 https://t.co/iMruSPyTav
Claire 3.1 @lilbitofClaire
4K Followers 2K Following A wise woman once said... "FUCK this shit" And she lived happily ever after.
🍨Katie🍨 @_TheMilkWitch_
2K Followers 1K Following Powered by cookies and ice cream. A magical variety of flavors. Many puns. Dairy free welcome. she/her ✨🪄 Header by @SQuiskey Avi by @actuallyafairy
Jessey Electric Slut .. @JesterWuzHere
3K Followers 2K Following I am a Goldfish God! Dyslexic/Autistic ninja tortoise trainer. Marsupial. We/They/Them/Us avi By @popartcartoonz
linc @lincnotfound
17K Followers 398 Following just a dude with a photoshop subscription and adderall addiction
Swim Jeans 👖 @ShortSleeveSuit
21K Followers 752 Following Pilot. Mancub. Liar. 🍸🤘avi by @fro_vo / header by @marfsalvador https://t.co/6bJSdwHf8w
dirk on the couch @onthemauve
3K Followers 1K Following day mode mf | binary star | he/him | avi by @riot4rach
John Carpenter’s Th.. @TheAlexNevil
33K Followers 15K Following Recent: https://t.co/8uaZSAV2lL. Dog's Tweets: https://t.co/56U9akrqGb.
Peter Peter Baseball .. @JoefromGhent
5K Followers 6K FollowingIf those are your toes, why’re they so finger lickin’ good?
Big night in my house, P and I have been anxiously awaiting the VOD release of Dune: Part 2, or as she likes to call it… Dune: Part 2une
@OswaldOLottakum having LAN parties was the best, I'm finally starting to feel old because it literally isn't as good anymore, everything seems to be geared away from face to face social interaction and I think it's a net negative for people's mental health
there’s more head on that beer than in porn
How barmaids looked before the woke movement
@OswaldOLottakum You know that shit was lit Kev
Happy anniversary to the time my family argued about a child named Elian Gonzalez who'd been brought here from Cuba over Easter dinner. My mom stands up and screams SINCE EVERYONE IS ALREADY MAD, WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT (uncle's wife's) PILL ADDICTION. He spit in my mom's face. 🐣
Gang I'm here to help. Before you go clicking on these you should know I've seen A LOT of boobs. And I'm here to tell you youngsters, if you've seen one boob you've pretty much seem them all. It's up to you I guess, I'm just trying to save you some time and probably money too
every windshield repair company tries to show off their lil suction cup thing like it's their very own proprietary technology lmao
Me:
You ain't black if you never ate this
Less body shaming, more baby shaming. Learn how to walk you tiny idiot
@OswaldOLottakum OMG. Well, I hit it 50/50.
when imposter syndrome hits all at once
something I think is great is when it hits 60 degrees and suddenly anytime is the right time for a beer
@OswaldOLottakum You could have fixed it for him in the first place if it's that easy for you
I came to get my kids a tub of ice cream and walked past a lady wearing a shirt that said "long story short, god saved my life" and my shirt says "fistfight god"
now that I've worked in a funeral home for over a year, I've decided signs of aging are such a privilege. we all die, but I've made it much further than some. these lines aren't ugly, they mean I have stories and memories and lived.
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