Shen @darcygrl1971
Just a cow lady. And chicken. And duck. And goat. Shit. I'm a farm. twitter.com/search/darcygr… Battle Creek, MI Joined March 2011-
Tweets40K
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Followers6K
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Following5K
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Likes61K
Shen retweeted
Trader Joe’s cashier: so any plans for your birthday me: *gestures at cart full of wine and cheese*
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Shen retweeted
Literally ANY Container: [has liquid in it] The Masculine Part of My Brain: (whispers seductively) Shake it.
Shen retweeted
At a certain point Mario has gotta realise that Peach chick has a thing for the bad boys and probably doesn't wanna be rescued
When a coworker says, "I consider myself a smart person", is it rude to say please stop?
Shen retweeted
Asked my kid how he wanted me to cut his sandwich, and he said he didn't care, but Reader, it was a trap
The person who invented the metric system:
Shen retweeted
Did you REALLY think anything good was going to happen in a Waffle House at 1 a.m.???
Shen retweeted
The laundry pile has got so big that me and my daughter have decided to name it. I opted for ‘the pile of doom’, my daughter prefers Gary
Shen retweeted
Bryan Adams' "Summer of '69" is my favourite song that I don't think is about 1969
Shen retweeted
My laptop: *cannot find printer* Me: *gesturing* look it's right there
Life is actually more like a box of hot chocolate. Boring, but tasty with marshmallows.
Shen retweeted
Who you are while playing Mario Kart is who you are in real life.
Shen retweeted
We don't have strip malls here but from what I learnt today they are far less interesting than their name implies anyway
Shen retweeted
My OnlyFans would just be this silly Brit reading your tweets in the way I believe they should sound
Shen retweeted
I finally watched the Sixth Sense and it turns out I’ve been dead the whole time.
Shen retweeted
When anyone asks me about my plans, it becomes very clear that all my plans revolve around food.
Shen retweeted
Thou shalt not remake The Golden Girls is one of the Ten Commandments, I think.
Shen retweeted
[9yo won’t eat her Nutella bagel for breakfast] Me: You’re the only person in the world that doesn’t eat Nutella! 9yo: How would know that? Me: I know everything. 9yo: Who sang the first song in the world? Me:
Shen retweeted
imagine resenting an imaginary friend as you imagined him to be cooler than you, that wouldn't happen, right? *'yet here we are'* "no one asked you, chad"
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3K Followers 5K FollowingIf I know anything, it's that men's thighs are so gross, it is impossible for them to be attractive. There's nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, that will ever convince me otherwise. Don't even think about trying to convince me.
Trader Joe’s cashier: so any plans for your birthday me: *gestures at cart full of wine and cheese*
Literally ANY Container: [has liquid in it] The Masculine Part of My Brain: (whispers seductively) Shake it.
At a certain point Mario has gotta realise that Peach chick has a thing for the bad boys and probably doesn't wanna be rescued
@darcygrl1971 It's hardly necessary since nearly 100% of the time they're about to describe a specific stupidity of theirs.
Asked my kid how he wanted me to cut his sandwich, and he said he didn't care, but Reader, it was a trap
The person who invented the metric system:
i have the opposite of a foot fetish i’m foot phobic
Did you REALLY think anything good was going to happen in a Waffle House at 1 a.m.???
The laundry pile has got so big that me and my daughter have decided to name it. I opted for ‘the pile of doom’, my daughter prefers Gary
A couple from church brought us dinner because I broke my ankle. When they dropped it off my 7yo yelled, “I hope it’s wings!”
Bryan Adams' "Summer of '69" is my favourite song that I don't think is about 1969
My laptop: *cannot find printer* Me: *gesturing* look it's right there
Is it still socially acceptable to fall obsessively in love with anybody who shows me the smallest amount of kindness or affection?
@darcygrl1971 How many have we had? More than 7? 🙂 It seems symmetrical to stop at 7
Who you are while playing Mario Kart is who you are in real life.
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