Micheal Maybe @MichealElliott
Ordained Beach Bum with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, living the dream with my wife, our revolutionary 7 yr old daughter + a clingy Dalmatian. Twitter.com/search?q=:from… Joined May 2009-
Tweets30K
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Followers1K
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Following985
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Likes48K
Picking up a cookie that fell to the floor counts as a squat, yes?
Hell yeah, autocorrect, I definitely meant to type “he’ll” instead of hell
Better "hurry up and wait" than worry up and hate.
"I love you" sounds so corny so I wrote this blog instead.
It's tough to stay focused in the face of so many faces.
I have to get good at topical humor to break into the top ten
Is it God sending you little signs, or is it the algorithm?
"I love you, and want to be with you in our next lifetime, but I hope it doesn't revolve around you so much," she says, holding my hand, as we talk intimately.
Solutions? *lighting up a cigarette with a lit Molotov cocktail* I can think of a couple.
She's got legs and knows how to use them but her arms just hang there like sausages
Love the hell out of yourself, it's your time!
Met my Mom for coffee today to get survival tips from an expert.
Embracing your inner crazy is sometimes the only way to stay sane in this mad world.
Sorry, can't, fucking off
When I did pre-material counseling, the 1st thing I asked was, "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MINDS?" and if the couple assured me they were indeed, crazy for each other, I agreed to perform the ceremony.
Do you think anyone ever found Bobby McGee or is he still somewhere up near Salinas?
I'm not addicted to my phone, I'm a palm reader
The Bangles really misinformed us on how Egyptians walk.
If you give me another chance, I just know I can make things worse.
Ladybird @lieselRP
7K Followers 5K Following Dancing Queen and mom of two...lover of fairies, gin and the moon. Sometimes blonde, ALWAYS dreaming.....Songbird Anna @SongbirdAnna1
64 Followers 973 Following New Official Profile. Singer and songwriter who plays the Autoharp, beautiful instrument that produces an amazing mellow tone. https://t.co/p3zGNg2yHDAndrew Foster @EleazarTrader
321 Followers 266 FollowingWolf man @oldmanwolf79
375 Followers 316 Following life long gamer, diagnosed with terminal cancer in January, docs gave me two years with treatment. gaming til the end ;) wish me luck! oh also, me ❤️ weed!Saint Steven @oldeaddude
421 Followers 2K Following Old Dead Head, music lover of all types, democratic, lover of animals and people.Wendy @WJGCapeCod
1K Followers 2K Following Former International Ops Director/ VOTE!/ 🌴 🌞 🏊 🌅 💪🎶 ✈📷 ☕🍺 🍬💝🍸 🏠 🏈 🏀 ⚾🏒 😎 he's going to lose AGAIN We're living the dream on Cape CodKimber Depp™© @truegemini13
7K Followers 6K Following uniquE, esoteric, eclectic; and a decent vocabulary...tho' redundant. #teamgemini #teamlight 21+ NO DM's!!!! Profile picture is 10 yrs old!Eric in the 21.24th C.. @ejt___
8K Followers 4K Following Retweets are endorsements that the joke was funny. https://t.co/HmMfC14tzIPeter Stubbs @PeterSt69301444
578 Followers 2K Following Not a lot to report. Sophomoric humor. Unwarranted self-importance. Single father of a now-teenager. Occasional photography and/or art. He/him/“Hey! Moron!” PNWFunny Snarky Humor @FUNNYsnarkyJOKE
9K Followers 2K Following I like 2 make light of things 2 brighten up a dark world. #funny #humor #satire #snarky #memes #humour #hilariousJen Russon @JenniferRusson
5K Followers 5K Following I publish books by talented indie authors at Swallow Publishing, LLC. I'm also a high school English teacher.Matty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.Laura Smith @lrs_smith
328 Followers 2K Following Interior Designer, Phoenix Suns Fan, Recovering English Major, etc.Jacque @Jacque19021
2K Followers 2K Following Red blooded 🩸Proud American 🇺🇸 woman 🙎🏻♀️ American Sign Language 🤟🏻 Musical 🎶 Midwest 🌽 Christian ✝️𝕬𝖚𝖗𝖊𝖑�.. @toebr0gan
872 Followers 909 Following He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghostslivingStone @dramasoe9
1K Followers 8K Following Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.Indigo ☾*✲⋆. @indigosu73
6K Followers 3K Following When you grow up, your heart dies 🥂🎶☀️💚 🌙⭐️🦇⭐️ #nuralledrei 🦄 🌈https://t.co/fvvdHsuQDZcfMC FEROX @cfmceroz1
1K Followers 4K Following The Font In The Forever Channel @FontForever Palimpsest LoverJudith Vee @doctor_veee
348 Followers 748 Following Sometimes it takes only an act of kindness and care to change someone's life #maga #fuckBiden #studentloan #employeeengagement #recuiterMixtyMotions 🥃🎶.. @iamnotchjohnson
4K Followers 3K Following 'Have you been an asshole your whole life?' Not yet.fancy nancy @dontstartmeup
12 Followers 46 Following writing crap on an app ♡ https://t.co/p19ifzz3gT 🗝️Mark In SoCal @mlzema
21K Followers 19K Following An X Account About Nothing|Social Media UNfluencer|Your Daily Dose Of Nonsense|#TwitterSupperClub|#Photography|#Martini|#Cigar|#Magic|🇮🇹|♊️Shay Jacobs @shaylynnae_
2K Followers 5K Following 💘 https://t.co/eJTA889Tv7💘 https://t.co/RxzzNHxHSOheileyRose @Heiley40
88 Followers 755 Following content creator🥰🍌DMS 4 BUYERS ONLY‼️ meetup! custom videos! girlfriend package! facetime! lotsbear poubeau 🍁 @bearpoubeau
11K Followers 12K Following #WomeninSTEM •Democracy is not a spectator sport • We must cultivate our own garden • #NoPlanetB🌎 • GenX • #GreatLakes • #Greenbelt #Ally🌈 #BLM 🍁 👠Michelle says "Dance .. @RageMichelle
41K Followers 41K Following I am the short, female, old, Samuel L Jackson of Twitter. Only not rich or famous. Also, I can't act. I'm just good at saying motherfucker.SARA ADAMS: BS Psycho.. @AdamsSara8000
127 Followers 691 Following -I am the ADHD/CRPS -MeganFox's #2 Supergay -owner of 2 words in Urban Dictionary -90's music savant -Jones Soda kind of famous: on 36 bottlesKristi McConnell ツ�.. @krispykremie5
3K Followers 3K Following Accountant | Music Lover | #UsherSyndrome👩🦯| #MitoWarrior | Jalen Ramsey #5 ♡ | #ForeverNE | Always BELIEVE!! Proverbs 16:9 ✝✝ 🙏 #GiiC♡ Eve ♡ @evecullen610
29K Followers 9K Following gently, touch me with your words (my tweets...my words)© •she/her• #oneforeverMichael Trieger @DaddyMtrieger
1K Followers 2K Following Clinical Psychologist, devoted husband and father of four amazing kids. Democrat for life. Motorcycling is my other happy place.XRPLion1 -(BACKUP ACC.. @LionDavid21635
3K Followers 3K Following son of the Most High Living God,cousin w/WD GANN: Sacred Math RSR 37 yrs,Philomath,14th Gen Am. Chairman &founder,Humanitarian Trust Compliance Services™Owen Porter @Owesortxer81
1K Followers 4K Following To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.Race The Favorite �.. @AwesomeRacex
794 Followers 2K Following Higher and Better. This is a creating world not a created one. Eternal Flame . ( She/ Her ) https://t.co/B5HKWYpf6wJoy @bluepacifica
2K Followers 3K Following Retired teacher. Democrat, liberal wing! Married and living on Kauai. Originally from Massapequa, L.I.,, NY. Will block trumpers. Resist!🌊🏝️🤙☮️Jim @baleguy
1K Followers 5K Following Just watching the good, the bad and the ugly from my little corner of the planet. No DM'S Married.Divyesh Thacker @divyeshmthaker
442 Followers 4K FollowingComfortably Tom @ComfortablyTom
387 Followers 318 Following Philosopher, Artist, Aesthete, Movie Maniac, Mechanic, Cosmic pool boy, Daydream Wizard.Ladybird @lieselRP
7K Followers 5K Following Dancing Queen and mom of two...lover of fairies, gin and the moon. Sometimes blonde, ALWAYS dreaming.....Crab Goon @crab_ran_gang
78 Followers 26 Following Fictitious demented prince | I WILL offend u don't follow me if ur sensitive | nyctophile ♏Saint Steven @oldeaddude
421 Followers 2K Following Old Dead Head, music lover of all types, democratic, lover of animals and people.Gugu ❤️not even S.. @Gugulove20
399 Followers 97 Following 🕯️She/her 🕯️bi 🕯️poly 🕯️mom of 3 girls 🕯️Light worker 🕯️business womanAndrew Foster @EleazarTrader
321 Followers 266 FollowingWolf man @oldmanwolf79
375 Followers 316 Following life long gamer, diagnosed with terminal cancer in January, docs gave me two years with treatment. gaming til the end ;) wish me luck! oh also, me ❤️ weed!Wendy @WJGCapeCod
1K Followers 2K Following Former International Ops Director/ VOTE!/ 🌴 🌞 🏊 🌅 💪🎶 ✈📷 ☕🍺 🍬💝🍸 🏠 🏈 🏀 ⚾🏒 😎 he's going to lose AGAIN We're living the dream on Cape CodCanary @GratefulDead74
114 Followers 372 Following The most remarkable discovery in all of astronomy is that the stars are made of atoms of the same kind as those on the earth.Kimber Depp™© @truegemini13
7K Followers 6K Following uniquE, esoteric, eclectic; and a decent vocabulary...tho' redundant. #teamgemini #teamlight 21+ NO DM's!!!! Profile picture is 10 yrs old!Funny Snarky Humor @FUNNYsnarkyJOKE
9K Followers 2K Following I like 2 make light of things 2 brighten up a dark world. #funny #humor #satire #snarky #memes #humour #hilariousPeter Stubbs @PeterSt69301444
578 Followers 2K Following Not a lot to report. Sophomoric humor. Unwarranted self-importance. Single father of a now-teenager. Occasional photography and/or art. He/him/“Hey! Moron!” PNWEric in the 21.24th C.. @ejt___
8K Followers 4K Following Retweets are endorsements that the joke was funny. https://t.co/HmMfC14tzIbananafanafofisa @lisaxy424
23K Followers 2K Following My mind is the live studio audience forced to think I'm hilarious...forever. I’m mediocre at ukulele but very good at crying. Birds are my new thing. she/herJen Russon @JenniferRusson
5K Followers 5K Following I publish books by talented indie authors at Swallow Publishing, LLC. I'm also a high school English teacher.Paul @Grommit56
12K Followers 7K Following My dogs, golf, work, general stupidity. Same @ everywhere https://t.co/AJUSJolsUNLaura Smith @lrs_smith
328 Followers 2K Following Interior Designer, Phoenix Suns Fan, Recovering English Major, etc.Jacque @Jacque19021
2K Followers 2K Following Red blooded 🩸Proud American 🇺🇸 woman 🙎🏻♀️ American Sign Language 🤟🏻 Musical 🎶 Midwest 🌽 Christian ✝️𝕬𝖚𝖗𝖊𝖑�.. @toebr0gan
872 Followers 909 Following He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghostscfMC FEROX @cfmceroz1
1K Followers 4K Following The Font In The Forever Channel @FontForever Palimpsest LoverJediMasster7 @aster7_m
14K Followers 4K Following Sarcastic Bostonian -Wanna be Jedi Knight - self deprecating, awkward, a tad broken, poetic, beach lover. Recovering from myself ✨rebar mcentire? @rebarmcentire
451 Followers 382 Following one a those they/them queers • cops are grosstenaciousB @justB_happyOK
2K Followers 1K Following Here to offer friendly banter and mediocre tweets... Don’t be a douchebag, and we’ll get along finefancy nancy @dontstartmeup
12 Followers 46 Following writing crap on an app ♡ https://t.co/p19ifzz3gT 🗝️𝓋𝒶𝓁𝑒𝓇�.. @_ardent_love_
498 Followers 490 Following lovergirl • survivor • gypsy mystic • wildfire + sun birthed in my veins • bird-hearted lioness • kitteny • ☉♌︎ | ☽♋︎ | ↑♍︎ | ♡♋︎ • formerly @ardentreflexionMixtyMotions 🥃🎶.. @iamnotchjohnson
4K Followers 3K Following 'Have you been an asshole your whole life?' Not yet.LaLaLyds @LaLa_Lyds
19K Followers 4K Following nostalgic for last week's tuna sandwich. knock it off.Mark In SoCal @mlzema
21K Followers 19K Following An X Account About Nothing|Social Media UNfluencer|Your Daily Dose Of Nonsense|#TwitterSupperClub|#Photography|#Martini|#Cigar|#Magic|🇮🇹|♊️bear poubeau 🍁 @bearpoubeau
11K Followers 12K Following #WomeninSTEM •Democracy is not a spectator sport • We must cultivate our own garden • #NoPlanetB🌎 • GenX • #GreatLakes • #Greenbelt #Ally🌈 #BLM 🍁 👠SARA ADAMS: BS Psycho.. @AdamsSara8000
127 Followers 691 Following -I am the ADHD/CRPS -MeganFox's #2 Supergay -owner of 2 words in Urban Dictionary -90's music savant -Jones Soda kind of famous: on 36 bottlesKristi McConnell ツ�.. @krispykremie5
3K Followers 3K Following Accountant | Music Lover | #UsherSyndrome👩🦯| #MitoWarrior | Jalen Ramsey #5 ♡ | #ForeverNE | Always BELIEVE!! Proverbs 16:9 ✝✝ 🙏 #GiiCMargot Maddison-MacFa.. @M_M_MacFadyen
1K Followers 2K Following ❤️ Nature, and great engineering. Oldling. Done with winter. Mudscutcheon. 🐝🌳🌲🌷Jennifer Parker @Mrs_JParker
932 Followers 653 Following Making two tiny humans laugh one fart joke at a time.Joy @bluepacifica
2K Followers 3K Following Retired teacher. Democrat, liberal wing! Married and living on Kauai. Originally from Massapequa, L.I.,, NY. Will block trumpers. Resist!🌊🏝️🤙☮️Jim @baleguy
1K Followers 5K Following Just watching the good, the bad and the ugly from my little corner of the planet. No DM'S Married.Divyesh Thacker @divyeshmthaker
442 Followers 4K FollowingThis guy knows his Mayberry
After all, history books were written by the winner's logic. That's why I can't stop seeking untold truths
@MichealElliott I think she's right. You're gonna need extra points next lifetime
I’ve unfollowed everyone I wouldn’t get high with…so if you’re reading this…meet me in the alley out back.
Sorry I asked if you would be tailgating before the funeral procession.
Seductively takes the topper off the decanter, and ever so slowly pours the whiskey…….
Changed hair salons after 20 years. It is a much shorter drive but it does involve a left turn…
It's 5:14pm Tuesday... I'm just sitting down & relaxing until I go see my Nurse. I can't wait until the paper work is processed so I can go get my new shoes. How is your today?
I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.
@MichealElliott Sitting I guess. I never recall seeing him stand.
@MichealElliott I can't even drive because of my brain issues from the autoimmune, it gets really bad sometimes. I am impressed by you, with stage 4 cancer and you still know how to be hilarious.
Show me a poster you had on your wall as a teenager