Bob Cobb @burnthair
imbecile. yonder Joined November 2010-
Tweets8K
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Followers815
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Following665
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Likes56K
Bob Cobb retweeted
Boss: You got a minute? Me (adopting a circus elephant on the dark web): no
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Bob Cobb retweeted
Can’t stop laughing.. 😂
Bob Cobb retweeted
My financial portfolio is just a torn out piece of loose-leaf paper with a dick drawn on it.
Bob Cobb retweeted
It’s a three-piece suit if you count the bib.
Bob Cobb retweeted
Children are priceless until you realize each one can earn you $14k+ tax-free.
I just used the word rigamarole in a conversation and now I feel like a Mayberry character.
If I go to your office and you aren't there I will leave an anonymous sticky note with some bullshit on it. Today's note: Sorry I smashed into your car. My cousin is popping the dent out now.
Bob Cobb retweeted
Me: Are Medusa’s pubes snakes too? Accountant: I meant questions about your tax return.
Bob Cobb retweeted
He died doing what he loved: commuting to work on a pogo stick
Bob Cobb retweeted
What genius puts a windmill in the middle of a miniature golf course?!
Bob Cobb retweeted
“WHAT THE FUCK?” 😂
Bob Cobb retweeted
[Courtroom] Me: You honor my client..one second *opens Trapper Keeper* ah yes is innocent.
I'm going to get all the carts at Aldi's and then rent them out for 50cents.
Bob Cobb retweeted
It was the dressed of times; it was the where the hell are my clothes of times.
Bob Cobb retweeted
Looks like it's you and me again tonight, Rosie.
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Carpenter bees Carpenter ants Carpenter tailor To build me some pants
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White rabbits white rabbits white rabbits…
The beat is fire
No one: Me: "The word "Militia" just sounds like Sean Connery saying the name Melissa."
I just found out New York Texas Toast croutons are made in Ohio.
According to a few people, whom I’ve had to block because they’re little bitches… it’s better to just bend over and take it, rather than standing up for yourself.
Sorry I responded ‘The one outside your bedroom door?’ when your mom said she needed to catch the train.
They should sell white clothes with plastic wearable covers.
Do people still wear condoms? Is that still a thing?
Yesterday while driving the country mile I was daydreaming of a small plane flying over and they were in distress as they pitched large bales of cocaine overboard, one landing just off the wayside by my truck… I’m getting the butterfly shits just thinking of it.
Boss: You got a minute? Me (adopting a circus elephant on the dark web): no
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