RunwayDan @RunwayDan
Behold my many, many rules for interacting with me. x.com/search?q=from%… Joined November 2013-
Tweets56K
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Followers6K
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Following5K
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Likes174K
RunwayDan retweeted
Wanted to bring supermodel wife to my high school reunion, but she's on a photo shoot in Canada.
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RunwayDan retweeted
Reading a new book I got at Goodwill today so I can deal with you people
RunwayDan retweeted
What’s the thing where you have a drawer in your refrigerator full of cheese but every time you go to the grocery store you think you might be out of cheese so you buy more? I have that.
RunwayDan retweeted
I bet Michael Bay calls his mom "bro."
RunwayDan retweeted
Netflix will hep you to finish the spelling of the name of the movie, you’re looking for, and tgen tell you they don’t have it
RunwayDan retweeted
I hate when leaving the house turns out to be a good idea.
RunwayDan retweeted
looks like a watch from burger king
RunwayDan retweeted
Let it be understood that the ruling institutions of the Western world decided that torturing little girls so that confused little boys could be put on a conveyor belt to be chemically castrated and dismembered was a moral imperative
Let it be understood that the ruling institutions of the Western world decided that torturing little girls so that confused little boys could be put on a conveyor belt to be chemically castrated and dismembered was a moral imperative
RunwayDan retweeted
Updating software is fun. I have a certain talent for identifying new features.
RunwayDan retweeted
Sorry you cut your mouth all up on some glass. Maybe don’t order the everything bagel next time pal.
RunwayDan retweeted
He was one of those people who, when you mention the song "Baba O'Riley," asks you which song that is and when you hum a few notes and sing the chorus he says, "Oh, you mean "Teenage Wasteland.""
RunwayDan retweeted
Going to the Renaissance Festival today. It's like Comic-Con with dirt.
RunwayDan retweeted
Maybe we should start saying "I smell a rat" again when someone fibs. We've got to try something.
RunwayDan retweeted
You seem upset. Can I offer you a Lion’s club mint?
RunwayDan retweeted
rakes a little Zen garden in your cat's litter box
RunwayDan retweeted
I will never forgive people who lick their fingers to turn pages.
RunwayDan retweeted
If I end up believing in God, I’m going to be one of the cool ones who still swears all the time and covets thy neighbor’s ass.
RunwayDan retweeted
Hitting on the moms dropping their kids off at school rn
RunwayDan retweeted
Not to get political on here, but not ALL porcelain dolls are haunted.
RunwayDan retweeted
My sister's dog will only eat out of a ramekin. We tried calling other bowls ramekins, but he knows.
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