RunwayDan @RunwayDan
Behold my many, many rules for interacting with me. twitter.com/search?q=from%… Joined November 2013-
Tweets54K
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Followers6K
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Following5K
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Likes148K
When you’re a nice person, you have an army a fucking people to defend you and back you up because you’ve earned their respect. It’s a beautiful thing. You should try it.
some space alien bullies arrive on earth & demand to know who our leaders are, so we collectively point to the hipster couple wearing oversized scarves, drinking complicated coffees & walking their pot-bellied pig on a leash
If that's the awkward way you give someone a $10 tip, I'd never let you handle a bribe.
This is a horror movie
I plan to celebrate Earth Day in a way that congratulates me, a splendid mammal.
There are two ways to spell baloney but only one way if you aren't insane.
A lot of people don't know this, but the original title of John Milton's "Paradise Lost" was "Two Tickets to Paradise."
While I may be on the same side, the wild variation in fonts and colors in your political meme indicate that rational thought had nothing to do with you arriving at this side.
When I throw a party I don't leave out a Sharpie for my guests to write their names on their plastic cups. "Just grab a fresh Solo," I entreat. They are clearly impressed.
Lesser-known Aesop's fables include The Cuttlefish and The Abalone, The Litigious Mongoose, and the one where the hare gets revenge on the tortoise by foreclosing on his shell.
More rejected Derby Horse Names: Sweet Relish Poultice Edgar Twizzlerhands Family Chicken Got The Mange Doodie Shorts Is This Meat Still Good Assault Candy Ravenous Twit Psspssspssspsss Damn Thing Bit My Sister Egregious Colon Kids Love Whiskey Pants HE'S WIRY Crispy Yogurt
Nothing but my purest contempt for whoever decreed that all men's shirts should now be short-sleeved. Not everyone has charisma or skills to fall back on, a rolled up shirt-sleeve is an integral part of my appeal.
I don't dress for women. I don't dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.
When weeding, I always leave one weed standing as a witness so it can pass word onto all weeds everywhere what terrible things will happen to them if they dare to enter my garden.
Just emerged from my Y2K bunker. Everybody okay?
Yesterday I wrote about what I've called an Oedipus Trap: a situation where it would be so psychologically devastating to discover that you'd made a mistake--even completely innocently--that you will do everything in your power to avoid recognizing it. washingtonpost.com/opinions/2023/…
I was going to make an En Vogue joke, but you’re never gonna get it.
But I get it -- I'm the weirdo with a disturbing obsession for wanting to understand why we've been inducting thousands of confused children into a cult of medicalized self-harm on the basis of zero evidence to support its safety and efficacy
Just took a client to the local batting cage and had him take a couple fastballs off the dome. Another four-figure workers comp settlement incoming!
my grandma has a secret tuna casserole recipe that requires being sad that your children never lived up to their full potential for up to three days
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO
48K Followers 6K Following Tall, pale, relentlessly cheerful. https://t.co/vhLLPJmuO2
Jack Boot @IamJackBoot
13K Followers 1K Following The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, The Atlantic, Harper's, Rolling Stone. I've read some of these magazines.
Salty MacTavish 🇺�.. @SaltyMacTavish
13K Followers 9K Following We hardly talk about clams anymore and frankly I’m steamed about it https://t.co/MEeOiowPL2
Bob Golen @BobGolen
33K Followers 23K Following Hey, give me a try. Mainly old jokes (spruced up a bit) and sentimental musings. Big believer in kindness. Leaning left, but not very woke (Boomer, ya know).
Wilde Thingy @wildethingy
31K Followers 2K Following I have nothing to declare except my top tweets - https://t.co/YApmhRImR4
Matty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
Grant Tanaka: Honky @GrantTanaka
37K Followers 5K Following Anatomically correct. For the most part.
Stabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat
61K Followers 4K Following murder and cake. https://t.co/O1Sm1XVNmo
Burning Mom ⚡️ @MomOnFire
75K Followers 2K Following Smooth like nitroglycerin. Sidekick to @gingerhotdish
Cat From Nowhere @kv8
17K Followers 10K Following omnipresent in absentia, perchance frittering my time away on twitter. ok fine, X. .•| sui juris |•.
Dan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy
25K Followers 7K Following Comedian//Comedy Writer Sometimes I write funny stuff so keep checking. https://t.co/QwGtdvzVph
The B. @anerdonfire2
37K Followers 14K Following My thoughts were full of other things when I wandered off the path. Dante Alighieri, Inferno
B. @AddledPixie
10K Followers 4K Following Currently reading (audiobook) The Outsider by Stephen King // Music right now: TTPD // Currently watching Fallout
Pru @prufrockluvsong
20K Followers 2K Following humorisht | situation misunderstander | word maker upper | bit prolonger
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
50K Followers 7K Following Loves animals more than most people. https://t.co/bTlLzDrFl4
Stap the Mattness @Stap_Jr
5K Followers 2K Following GOOD. GREAT. GRAND. WONDERFUL. EVERYBODY ON THE BUS https://t.co/glzMoTuoeZ
Misty Heise @heisemisty3
57 Followers 567 Following
Crypto_trade_ @trad_with_lisa_
188 Followers 3K Following Mom | Trader | Mentor 👩🏽💻📈👧🏻☕️📚🌴📊 Send me a dm for trading value and education 🎯
Marisol @Marisol69383368
10 Followers 879 Following Keep your face always towards the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you.
Charlize Theron @TheronCharize44
694 Followers 322 Following actress. Producer Academy Award and Golden Globe Award in 2016
Sabrina Diego @DiegoSabri4357
116 Followers 2K Following Can life change overnight?! 😳🌚 Probably yes – although I’ve never experienced that 🙅🏻♀️ What I know is that you have the power to do
Illuminati society @Illumin91696667
667 Followers 6K Following You can become a member of the Illuminati in order to receive the fruitfulness of this group including money, power, success, recognition and overall greatness
Neseteth @neseteth32762
50 Followers 2K Following
Gregory Donald @ardeemontillano
46 Followers 1K Following International Trade Adviser l Forex Tutor l Market Analyst l Investment Analyst l Account Manager l Financial Specialist l
anton lestrange @huge_mclarge
3K Followers 3K Following the very purpose of life is to be happy. https://t.co/EOsABhydxP
Kai Harmon @kaikharmon
232 Followers 509 Following Data Scientist at Huntington Ingalls. US Navy Retired CTIC. Husband to @_jennharmon !
Wendy Hester @bigislandlucky
0 Followers 270 Following
erica @ericanextdooor
10K Followers 9K Following making parlays & petting strays • 𝐣𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞
Baseball’s Greatest.. @BBGreatMoments
54K Followers 44K Following Collection of baseball’s greatest moments from across the internet new and old | Not affiliated with MLB and DO NOT own content
Mommy Milkers Ketamin.. @Ketaminemilkers
42 Followers 109 Following fuckin shit up at the afters somewhere
atomeister @atom_eister
18 Followers 82 Following
Shannon Marie @Shannon60479193
232 Followers 1K Following
Rosebud04 @Rosebud04
790 Followers 5K Following Librarian, Book Reader, Music and Audiobook Listener, and Film and T.V. Watcher. 🌻❤️📚🌻🎞️🌻📚❤️🌻
Anakin @Anakintweets1
1K Followers 658 Following Negative influencer. Writer- bathroom walls mostly.
Hydraulic woman @hydraulicwoman
174 Followers 2K Following
a🫧 @greenbeanlv3r
94 Followers 251 Following “you can only blame your problems on the world for so long.”
XRorschachX @GenXWWiii
441 Followers 1K Following Look with more than your eyes, and you can see the World.
Uncle Jeff 🌈 @PickleRudd
6K Followers 617 Following the old man sitting in the corner booth reading a newspaper which, when you pass, causes your child to hug you a little closer
Dammit Erin @DammitErin
9K Followers 4K Following dumps like a truck truck truck thighs like what what what
Whitney @wsteach4
90 Followers 375 Following happy wife, busy mom, passionate educator, natural redhead, awkward introvert, book lover, etc.
joycoffee @joypcoffee
20K Followers 19K Following democrat. teacher. dog lover. coffee lover. book lover. yarn lover. candle lover. pumpkin lover. nap lover. soup lover. plant lover. obama lover. peace.
MikeGuyVer 🇺🇦 @Mikael422
1K Followers 4K Following Influencer, of my waistline. My AVI is real... awesome. Identical twin. COVID-19 gave me 5 SuperPowers! How about you? Curses: Bi-polar/NAFLD/OCD/Parkinsonism
Molly Meredith @mmeredith1984
2K Followers 3K Following I'm passionate about the stuff I'm passionate about. #MAGA #PureBlood #TrumpWon #GoHoos ⚔️ #STLCards NO DMs
KaYnE @TheRealKaYnE
20K Followers 6K Following Fat 🫃 White 🥛 Mentally Ill 🤪 Widower 💔 Comedy 🎭 Gaming 🎮 Wrestling 🤼♂️ Music 🎧 Spirituality 🫥 Philosophy 🤔 Psychology 🧠 Mature Content 🔞 Spotify ⬇️
Catherine @gothy_guru
536 Followers 2K Following #writer #mentalhealth advocate living with #schizoaffective #bipolar disorder #PMDD 🤍 🐰 I cope with dark humor 🚩 & true crime. Certified Fashionista 💋☕️
CP @courtney_art
139 Followers 1K Following
OpenChannelD @cortney_m
1K Followers 2K Following Gainfully employed. Numerate writer. Paying attention.
Mary 🤍 @breadgenie22
477 Followers 103 Following I use twitter to talk to myself and laugh at relatable memes
Randy Richardson @RandyRi35162670
106 Followers 489 Following
Phosit @Phosit591069
30 Followers 2K Following
RadiantHarbor @HarborRadi88915
26 Followers 2K Following
Elon Musk ✪ @EMuskreal2
32 Followers 671 Following CEO - SpaceX 🚀 Tesla 🚘 Founder - The Boring Company Co- Founder - Neuralink, OpenAi 🤖🦾
Elon Musk @elonmusk5992
96 Followers 2K Following Founder, chairman, CEO, and CTO of SpaceX; angel investor, CEO, product architect
Thesmee @Thesmee212111
24 Followers 2K Following
Melissa 🐝 @bucsnbrews
1K Followers 2K Following Baseball feeds my soul. Brewers & Pirates have my ❤ My first love was Crash Davis. ⚾️ MKE PIT ⚾️🐝 🌊 Road Trip Taker Rowdy Tellez fan #GirlsWhoScore
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO
48K Followers 6K Following Tall, pale, relentlessly cheerful. https://t.co/vhLLPJmuO2
Jack Boot @IamJackBoot
13K Followers 1K Following The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, The Atlantic, Harper's, Rolling Stone. I've read some of these magazines.
Salty MacTavish 🇺�.. @SaltyMacTavish
13K Followers 9K Following We hardly talk about clams anymore and frankly I’m steamed about it https://t.co/MEeOiowPL2
Bob Golen @BobGolen
33K Followers 23K Following Hey, give me a try. Mainly old jokes (spruced up a bit) and sentimental musings. Big believer in kindness. Leaning left, but not very woke (Boomer, ya know).
Wilde Thingy @wildethingy
31K Followers 2K Following I have nothing to declare except my top tweets - https://t.co/YApmhRImR4
Matty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
Grant Tanaka: Honky @GrantTanaka
37K Followers 5K Following Anatomically correct. For the most part.
Stabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat
61K Followers 4K Following murder and cake. https://t.co/O1Sm1XVNmo
Burning Mom ⚡️ @MomOnFire
75K Followers 2K Following Smooth like nitroglycerin. Sidekick to @gingerhotdish
Cat From Nowhere @kv8
17K Followers 10K Following omnipresent in absentia, perchance frittering my time away on twitter. ok fine, X. .•| sui juris |•.
Dan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy
25K Followers 7K Following Comedian//Comedy Writer Sometimes I write funny stuff so keep checking. https://t.co/QwGtdvzVph
The B. @anerdonfire2
37K Followers 14K Following My thoughts were full of other things when I wandered off the path. Dante Alighieri, Inferno
B. @AddledPixie
10K Followers 4K Following Currently reading (audiobook) The Outsider by Stephen King // Music right now: TTPD // Currently watching Fallout
Pru @prufrockluvsong
20K Followers 2K Following humorisht | situation misunderstander | word maker upper | bit prolonger
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
50K Followers 7K Following Loves animals more than most people. https://t.co/bTlLzDrFl4
daniela @daniela127
13K Followers 1K Following Afghani Jew, Ashkenazi food aficionado. Queens native. Bronx Science, Cornell, Fordham Law. A Maccababy's gotta do what a Maccababy's gotta do. - T. Pickles.
eigenrobot @eigenrobot
68K Followers 7K Following robot. friend. i sleep in a big bed with my wife longform at eigenrobot dot subst@ck dot com
Silenced on Site @77_steeze
8K Followers 4K Following taker of the river down to Stillwater. rider of a pack of dogs
Kim Shasby Jones @KimJonesICONS
5K Followers 667 Following Co-founder of ICONS - Independent Council on Women's Sports. Unapologetic women's sports advocate. Stanford Tennis.
Scott Greenfield @ScottGreenfield
20K Followers 23 Following Criminal defense lawyer, blawger at Simple Justice. I'm still not on your team.
Daniel Friedman @DanFriedman81
9K Followers 1K Following Author of mystery novels, including DON'T EVER GET OLD, nominated for the Edgar, Anthony and Thriller awards. Winner of the Macavity award.
Mark Dahler @MarkDahler
675 Followers 250 Following Exceptional Husband/Father. P.G Wodehouse aficionado. Attorney. Texan. Middle child antagonist.
Matthew Archer @AporiaMatt
2K Followers 150 Following Founder and Editor-in-Chief of @AporiaMagazine.
Security footage @security_f00tag
80K Followers 0 Following
Destry @DestryBrod
18K Followers 16K Following Not quite cool enough to be Canadian.I live close enough to Canada to smell the healthcare. Pretty liberal, pretty democratic not that pretty tho. pro choice.
Alasdair Munro @apsmunro
55K Followers 627 Following Senior Clinical Research Fellow in Paediatric Infectious Diseases | Clinical trials | Vaccines | Antibiotics | Husband and dad
Kamran Abbasi @KamranAbbasi
19K Followers 540 Following Editor in chief, The BMJ @bmj_latest | @EditorJRSM | i: @kamran_abbasi_bmj | Cricket writer: Dawn | https://t.co/Z5D0jqLAde | Book: ‘Englistan’ via Amazon
Dr P @Psychgirl211
15K Followers 2K Following TERF/GC ULTRA 30-year qualified DClinPych C.Psychol Certified Expert Witness/ADOS Assessor Transgender 'healthcare' is a crime against humanity 🦕 💚 💜 🤍
Devantray B. (WtB Tra.. @Devantray
88 Followers 196 Following WtB Transracial African American. Pronouns are blood/crip. BLM. Demanding reparations from the evil white man.
Sonia Sodha @soniasodha
78K Followers 4K Following Observer columnist & chief leader writer, Radio 4 Analysis presenter & @ThisMorning news reviews. Highly commended @EditorsUK Commentator of the Year 2023
Disaffected @DisaffectedPod
11K Followers 619 Following Fighting the abnormal psychology that's become the new normal. Will you help? https://t.co/FKdtAJWeTC
Funny Cartoon @ANIME_ZONE__
107K Followers 0 Following If you enjoyed a bit then follow for more toon videos . Road to 200k 🔥
anton lestrange @huge_mclarge
3K Followers 3K Following the very purpose of life is to be happy. https://t.co/EOsABhydxP
Starlink @Starlink
535K Followers 21 Following Internet from space for humans on Earth. Engineered by @SpaceX
Sara Higdon @SaraHigdon_
19K Followers 2K Following Veteran, minarchist/voluntaryist, transsexual | Content creator | Speaker | Mkting @freethepeople | Writer @tpostmillennial & @humanevents
Tracie Breaux @traciebreaux
31K Followers 4K Following Book writer. Dog petter. Mental Health/Child Abuse Awareness Advocate. https://t.co/r0jtKGqvbl
Killer Mike @KillerMike
526K Followers 2K Following CATCH ME ON THE DOWN BY LAW TOUR THIS SUMMER! TICKETS ON https://t.co/ACoNW6kREI ☦️
The Dank Knight 🦇 @capeandcowell
42K Followers 1K Following Your mom likes my tweets. Preferred pronouns (Bat/Man) No DM’s.
someone’s mom (top .. @bustelo4babies
12K Followers 2K Following “a train wreck and not really hot”-some random man ig: @bustelo4babies
Carilyn Johnson @CarilynJohnson
19K Followers 9K Following Mom, attorney, ultrarunner. 4 x Team USA 🥇🥇🥈 24 Hour Team. #SaveWomensSports. NO DMs.
Strxwmxn @strxwmxn
8K Followers 997 Following You should have Googled my name or gone to YouTube and entered my name. Now it is too late.
Cousin Brad @BradWCAttorney
7K Followers 88 Following Raising the roof on workers’ compensation claims since 2008. 131 LSAT. Top 85% of my class at John Marshall Law. [email protected]
Gina Ippolito @GinaIppy
8K Followers 3K Following Writer: The Unicorn, Murphy Brown, Bunk’d, Regular Show, Honest Trailers, @NewRockstars etc. @GijoePodcast host, NJ Jr. Women’s chess champ, sandwich eater.
Mary 🤍 @breadgenie22
477 Followers 103 Following I use twitter to talk to myself and laugh at relatable memes
KaYnE @TheRealKaYnE
20K Followers 6K Following Fat 🫃 White 🥛 Mentally Ill 🤪 Widower 💔 Comedy 🎭 Gaming 🎮 Wrestling 🤼♂️ Music 🎧 Spirituality 🫥 Philosophy 🤔 Psychology 🧠 Mature Content 🔞 Spotify ⬇️
Melissa 🐝 @bucsnbrews
1K Followers 2K Following Baseball feeds my soul. Brewers & Pirates have my ❤ My first love was Crash Davis. ⚾️ MKE PIT ⚾️🐝 🌊 Road Trip Taker Rowdy Tellez fan #GirlsWhoScore
AltPrincessLeia @TheRealShandaZ
137 Followers 514 Following
AllAmerican @steveffootball
16K Followers 11K Following Retired Attack Helo Pilot, DS & OIF Veteran, Father, Patriot. Tx A&M. Runner. Spartan, Inked https://t.co/oqTgWwn3xu
Ron Babich @rbabich
888 Followers 2K Following Entrepreneur, writer, and occasional stage Comic. Host of the Awesome Up podcast.
MaryCate Delvey @marycatedelvey
24K Followers 4K Following 💚🤍💜 Home of Listen To Trans People! (all episodes in pinned twt). Vegetarian, just like H1tler!
Lori - Breaker of Cur.. @lori_socal
14K Followers 4K Following Freedom. Comedy. *Please use animal references when describing the size of something. Thank you. 🚫porn. https://t.co/O75o749vNu
ⓘ Dogs don't have t.. @MorlockP
22K Followers 519 Following Two-time Prometheus award-winning hard science fiction author. https://t.co/X1XAm8tVlh Learn how to homestead https://t.co/tsoohJ5emD
WomenAreReal @WomenAreReals
21K Followers 1K Following Do not obey in advance. Believe in truth. Be as courageous as you can.
XX-XY Athletics @xx_xyathletics
8K Followers 49 Following Introducing the only athletic brand that stands up for women's sports. It's about truth, fairness, safety & equality. #TheTruthFits
Niall Harbison @NiallHarbison
282K Followers 1K Following On a mission to save 10,000 dogs a month. Living in Thailand. Read more about the dogs and help out on the link below
My Name Is A Number @WMartovich
1K Followers 3K Following M-F TTRPG Themed Ideas! MonsterMonday, TreasureTuesday WeaponWednesday TrapThursday FeatFriday Use DnD to better your thinker and your games!
i'm not making fun of her condition when i say the guy who names diseases must have cut out early that day
Celine Dion On Living With Stiff Person Syndrome & If She'll Return To Tour Again deadline.com/2024/04/celine…
Old MacDonald had a... steampunk band!
When you’re a nice person, you have an army a fucking people to defend you and back you up because you’ve earned their respect. It’s a beautiful thing. You should try it.
You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me
I wanna watch basketball but the fukn shoe squeaks make me want to murder suicide
Did they take the picture the exact second they told him?
Brewers Place Wade Miley On Injured List With Elbow Inflammation mlbtraderumors.com/2024/04/brewer…
I think I understand the mindset on college campuses. Language is violence, so we must police what you say. But actual violence is free speech so you must not police it.
STATEMENT: FIRE is monitoring outbreaks of violence and arrests on campuses nationwide. Sadly, we must again restate a bedrock principle: Violence is never acceptable. Colleges and universities must ensure the swift arrest of anyone engaging in violence on campus, whether…
@DaveCranstonMan @jessesingal @assignedmedia “Having a large sample size isn’t good evidence if there’s a high risk of bias.” “Oh yeah? Well look at how large this sample size is!” 😎
@DaveCranstonMan @yallnornothing @jessesingal @assignedmedia If they are all equally methodologically flawed then no, it’s absolutely not unreasonable. It would be unreasonable to include them.
@DaveCranstonMan @BitPaine @jessesingal @assignedmedia Dave, it’s very simple. 1,000,000×0 is still zero. That’s the analogy you need to be remembering here.
@DaveCranstonMan @jessesingal @assignedmedia No. You understand nothing. That’s a tiny number and they’re all really bad. A single randomized trial trumps an entire non randomized literature which is subject to all kinds of biases known and unknown.
@DaveCranstonMan @jessesingal @assignedmedia A shit study tells you nothing.
@assignedmedia No, that's not how it works. If each of those studies is at a high risk of bias or other methodological shortcomings, simply adding sample size doesn't help at all. That's the whole point of techniques like systematic reviews -- the thing you're criticizing Cass for doing.
@legaltweetz @jk_rowling Not really. People often use this type of facetiousness to make a point. Trans activists use intersex people as a pawn constantly, for their own agenda. And you’re mad at our Jo for this? Lmao. Bye
some space alien bullies arrive on earth & demand to know who our leaders are, so we collectively point to the hipster couple wearing oversized scarves, drinking complicated coffees & walking their pot-bellied pig on a leash
If that's the awkward way you give someone a $10 tip, I'd never let you handle a bribe.
Kids, forcibly taking over campus with a tent city & bullhorns and refusing to leave might not be the anti-colonialism / anti-occupation flex you think it is
Took a Sunday drive yesterday to enjoy the green hills for probably the last time this spring. We are heading into our long dry summer. Some people love the “golden hills”, but I am not a fan, especially given the fire risks. But GREEN hills, oh how I love them.
This is a horror movie
Crazy scene tonight at Columbia University: Jewish students came to the campus - and then this happened. The undergrad who filmed it told me: “We didn’t say a word. My friend had a Jewish star necklace. All of the sudden we’re surrounded, they’ve been circling us, threatening us”
I'm a little perturbed I spent all that time learning how to pronounce Zach Galifianakis, and now I never see him anymore.
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