My Life As Dad @milifeasdad
Dad. Real silly. Davidoff Cool Water activist. Posts seen on @Buzzfeed, @HuffPost, @TODAY_Parents & more. I.G. 👉 https://t.co/f1BzpG3AnQ . My tweets in 🔗 below. twitter.com/search?q=from:… Michigan, USA Joined October 2021-
Tweets24K
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Followers6K
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Following896
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Likes26K
Every so often my wife sends me these cute texts like "Heyyy" and "Come upstairs, your kids clogged their toilet".
The gift of a non severe evening thunderstorm.
Every time I try to do a jumping jack, it's like my boobs are playing their own game of peek-a-boo. Guess they wanted to play ‘bounce and seek’?
When you're hungry and hear an ad for Nucala and think "Good to know Nutella will help me breathe better".
SOME great news: the priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.
In an unexpected turn of events yesterday, my husband tested the child locks on the car doors. “Laura, can you come and let me out?”
My girls were being complete wild raccoons and some dude said enjoy every moment it goes by fast so I told them to attack.
Me: *places a hold on a book in the Libby app* Libby app: There’s a 36 week wait on this book. Me: *starts another book while I wait* *two hours later* Libby app: Your hold is ready.
Hey I'm bringing velour track suits back everyone
Day 10,659 of my husband acting shocked and surprised when I remind him he needs to pick up after himself
Haggis- the meal you have to stomach twice
too young to die too old for carbs
The fun thing about having kids is you get to relive all your childhood illnesses from strep throat to athletes foot
Me: buttering me up won’t work Also me: so how cute did you say my smile is?
Me getting up to go to the bathroom: My two dogs: You son-of-a bitch, we’re in
Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking
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33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids
20K Followers 1K Following freelance writer | content creator | someone once told me I was funny, for a mom | featured on BuzzFeed, Today Parents, HuffPost & more | Read my tweets👇@itssherifield @itssherifield
13K Followers 1K Following Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e5DfKMcDad @mcdadstuff
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232 Followers 956 Following made the cut on post. mom to #myweefi southern gal, event planner, love all things travel / art / history / food & gracious entertaining #voteblue #blmGwen Music🌊☮️�.. @music_gwen
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84 Followers 624 Following 🇨🇦 Multifaceted woman. Eeyah extraordinaire. 🏝🛳🐢✈️ and so much more.Big Cat @CharizardLlc
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379 Followers 5K Following offer nutrients vitamins https://t.co/nlWeGD0Jrb https://t.co/E0gCISaoxt https://t.co/JSH793Uihf https://t.co/NAVjBLlL0q https://t.co/LfUN3f1aXE https://t.co/1brDye3ttS 🌱Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking
56K Followers 1K Following introvert. Husband. Dad of 3. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My links! https://t.co/X1R5q5AVST seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents @cheezburThe Dad @thedad
142K Followers 591 Following Welcome to the club. 🔥 https://t.co/E3irT7D7mM 🏆 https://t.co/EFPhC0SEeE 🎮 @thedadgamingJessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.Kevin The Dad @kevinthedad
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33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids
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13K Followers 1K Following Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e5DfKMcDad @mcdadstuff
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47K Followers 3K Following contributor @scarymommy @romper [email protected] Tweets: https://t.co/5zWeBtUUx6nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
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3K Followers 2K Following Just a 40ish year old bored housewife. I'm usually funny and sometimes hot. Ask about my other page 😈Neener Neener Neener�.. @neenertothe3
3K Followers 2K Following Banner is Twitter and a few of the missusesFunny Snarky Humor @FUNNYsnarkyJOKE
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3K Followers 3K Following Not what you thought it would be living in your own private cognitive dissonance https://t.co/ehrqvGenlPParents @parents
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356 Followers 944 Following The official Twitter page of HealthfulHaven: Join us on our journey towards bettering each and everyone of your lives. One day at a time.Daddy Drinks (You wou.. @Greg_the_Brave
292 Followers 459 Following Trophy Husband #dadblog #Writer #Parent #Storyteller about raising children and surviving home life. Amateur #craftbeer and #bourbon critic.Tracy Kehm @TracyKehm
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326 Followers 685 Following peddler of sarcasm, lover of tacos and large furry woodland creatures, let’s poke fun at political polarization. I have fat thumbsDadding Around @DaddingAround
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14K Followers 1K Following Just an average man trying to be an average dad. https://t.co/WKYWkAyg2LReal Bedford Football.. @RealBedford_Cle
3K Followers 3K Following Real ₿edford Football Club International Supporters Club Cleveland, Ohiopam 🇨🇦❤️ @pam0716
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16K Followers 4K Following Hi, I'm Lindsay. I use a wheelchair to get around most of the time. Most of my tweets are about life from the sitting down perspective.🦂Stay at Home Meh .. @caseyjparker
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1K Followers 1K Following 📽️ Helping fathers become #Dads they want to be #Daddying #dadlife GET FREE VIRTUAL & LIVE EVENT PASSES: https://t.co/UJd2a2VudgLil Miss Snarkey Pant.. @Ris622
2K Followers 5K Following It doesn't matter how much antibacterial soap you use - the shame doesn't scrub off. Lawyer by trade, Batman when summoned.Paul Jongen @pjljongen
38K Followers 37K Following IT-guy, #Aspergers, #ActuallyAutistic. Expect sarcasm, cynicism, satire, parody & stupid jokes!😁 #Resist (no lists/tags/groups!)Not Today Sapphire �.. @RaidersUSA
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304 Followers 465 Following football, family in that order RETWEETERTroy Metheny @TroyCMetheny
1K Followers 847 Following#1 corn dog enjoyer @OliveOilArms
444 Followers 657 Following RT’s 4 daze. Dayton Oh wanderer. DM’s only open for corn dog recipes. Corn Dog Eating Hall Of Fame.Thoughts On Mom @ThoughtsOnMom1
556 Followers 1K Following Real life mom doing a parody of a mom who knows what she is doing.Cranky Bitch @Karmakate4
5K Followers 4K Following ꧁༒☬𝓜𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓾𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓽𝓸𝓸𝓭☬༒꧂. 🚫No Dms 🚫 ᶠᴸᴬᵂᴱᴰain’t looking for anything from any of ya 🖕🏻LorazeKim ™ 🏴.. @_KimberleyAnna
1K Followers 918 Following Villainous, cantankerous. They call me NightHawk. I’m everywhere. I’m nowhere. If I don’t text back it’s ‘cause I’m helping Batman, baby #FuckCancerSarcastic Sweetheart .. @happymilly1
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10K Followers 4K Following Writer of books for kids. Devout Californian. She/her. Rep'd by @jenrofe of ABLAM͜͡&͜͡M͜͡ @TheSoulShadow
23K Followers 15K Following 🇺🇸🇮🇹🇱🇧/G\. 45. Dad. 🇺🇸Veteran. Capricorn. ISTJ. MDD. PTSD .Espresso, Cigars, and Scotch #YNWA #GoGators "Words woven into art, poetry writer's heart"-MMDisheveled Mom @wittysnuggles
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3K Followers 2K Following I like mountains and physics and good times. “I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way”- Voltaire. No DMs.Balderdash @wx388
7K Followers 5K Following Doesn’t matter what the problem is. The answer is always 🧀 #Chiefskingdom #ForeverRoyalEvery time I try to do a jumping jack, it's like my boobs are playing their own game of peek-a-boo. Guess they wanted to play ‘bounce and seek’?
When you're hungry and hear an ad for Nucala and think "Good to know Nutella will help me breathe better".
SOME great news: the priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.
In an unexpected turn of events yesterday, my husband tested the child locks on the car doors. “Laura, can you come and let me out?”
My girls were being complete wild raccoons and some dude said enjoy every moment it goes by fast so I told them to attack.
Me: *places a hold on a book in the Libby app* Libby app: There’s a 36 week wait on this book. Me: *starts another book while I wait* *two hours later* Libby app: Your hold is ready.
Hey I'm bringing velour track suits back everyone
Day 10,659 of my husband acting shocked and surprised when I remind him he needs to pick up after himself
too young to die too old for carbs
I'm going to get all the carts at Aldi's and then rent them out for 50cents.
Have you ever had your gas pumped by an attendant?
@milifeasdad The one that terrifies me the most is “how much do you love me”