Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 @fozzie4prez
we laughed, we cried, we went home happy. twitter.com/search?l=&q=fr… Ontario, Canada Joined May 2015-
Tweets38K
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Followers4K
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Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 retweeted
"leave that seat belt buckled up" i say to my driving instructor as the cop approaches our vehicle.
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Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 retweeted
(Satan addressing new arrival) So you invented product stickers that can't be removed?? Well done my boy, well done! Also, I have the perfect ironic punishment for you
Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 retweeted
• BOOK TWEET CALL • Send us UP TO 3 tweets MAX about BOOKS! Likes, Retweets, etc. Winners will be 🏆’d later. Ends at 8PM EST. ✨ Judges and tweets below: @meantomyself @Tobi_Is_Fab @RiotGrlErin
Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 retweeted
The last time I asked for a Brazilian my waxer's arms got tired and my spider still had four legs
Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 retweeted
A dry wedding is just like a regular wedding but with no reason to be there
Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 retweeted
Absolutely no one: My 11 year old: so…do you and dad have recreational sex regularly?
Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 retweeted
I’m too high for this -Icarus probably
Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 retweeted
when you really need your toddler to stop asking questions for just two goddamn minutes
Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 retweeted
If you can’t handle me at my hitting curbs, you don’t deserve me at my hitting mailboxes.
Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 retweeted
Hockey in Canada...
Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 retweeted
It's 5 o'clock somewhere, probably the back of this truck
Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 retweeted
Today's funny
Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 retweeted
Sorry, honey, they were all out of ponies.
Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 retweeted
If you’ve ever enjoyed sex while you’re dead inside, wait till you’re dead on the outside too
Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 retweeted
The biggest lie 90s dudes told was that there was something in that wallet that made it worth chaining up
Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 retweeted
me: I don’t like other people’s kids them: how old are yours? me: I don’t have any
Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 retweeted
the person you are when you're a long way from a gas station and the fuel light comes on in your car is the real you
Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 retweeted
"Please do not talk like Joe Pesci during sex." —Words I never imagined I'd utter, but here we are
Spelling counts when searching... Camel Tow
Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 retweeted
People who refill the Brita pitcher are the backbone of society.
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If you grew up with Spy Vs. Spy, you’re my people.
@RadWizzy toilet seat belt buckle is air travelers best friend
@freshchonk *sound of a toilet seat belt buckle clicking*
"leave that seat belt buckled up" i say to my driving instructor as the cop approaches our vehicle.
(Satan addressing new arrival) So you invented product stickers that can't be removed?? Well done my boy, well done! Also, I have the perfect ironic punishment for you
fuck yeah, gravy hot tub tonight, bitches!
Had to take baby boy back to the doctor because he was still feeling awful and said his ear hurt. He has an ear infection and she thinks he may be starting to get pneumonia 😩
• BOOK TWEET CALL • Send us UP TO 3 tweets MAX about BOOKS! Likes, Retweets, etc. Winners will be 🏆’d later. Ends at 8PM EST. ✨ Judges and tweets below: @meantomyself @Tobi_Is_Fab @RiotGrlErin
Y’all, my wife keeps telling me there’s nothing sexier than a man who cleans bathrooms & then vacuums. Is that true, or has she just been saying that to get me to clean bathrooms and vacuum for the past 36 years?
Sounds like what someone with a dinosaur would say
The last time I asked for a Brazilian my waxer's arms got tired and my spider still had four legs
@mxmclain Haha reminds me of a convo back in the day: Me: what did you learn about at school today? 4yo: sex Me: I’m sorry…what? 4yo: SEX Me: 4yo: Me: um, well can you tell me a little what you talked about? 4yo: you know bugs and stuff Me: oh, you mean INSECTS 4yo: yeah
Absolutely no one: My 11 year old: so…do you and dad have recreational sex regularly?
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