FreeRangeMattress @free_mattress
Father of 1 teenage 6 year old, and now introducing a baby. https://t.co/tvZy5jQ1lK. Avi by @Invisichad, header by @BucMarvin twitter.com/search?q=from%… Joined February 2020-
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Following1K
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Likes24K
One time in undergrad I put off writing a paper until the day it was due and I woke up at 4 am and wrote 15 pages in one sitting, and it turned out totally fine and I got good feedback. It's the worst thing that ever happened to me and I wish I could go back in time and undo it
Sorry I was late I was refilling my purse Ibuprofen with my bathroom Ibuprofen.
Earth day is just a made up holiday to sell more planets.
Typing “general bad vibes” into WebMD.
If I was a ghost I wouldn’t wear a sheet, I would get a shower curtain so it would protect me from the elements
when i die i want hotdog rollers installed in my casket so i'm just slowly rotating throughout the funeral
Discovered this masterpiece by my 7yo and I can’t tell you how proud I am to find her translating profanities Swedish Chef-style 🥹
you know its bad when people start telling you you are the strongest person they've ever met
too many generic kid names like "chris" and "jake" out there. if i had a son i'd name him something bad ass. like "the shovel"
I love my little cat i wish he could wear sweatpants or drive a car but it’s okay that he can’t. Like it’s fine
Venmo me $100 and I’ll return the sun.
If he invites you back to see his “meat castle” run as far away as possible, and then keep going
you win some and you lose some and you lose some and you lose some and you lose some and you lose some and
april the 5th be with u
If you go for a walk while eating a donut, the calories don’t count.
*maintains eye contact while eating an apple with the sticker still on*
This is the best April Fools I made that I also stole from somewhere. Put a this in the office bathroom. There was ketchup inside. Curiosity got everyone. They could only blame themselves.
Adam @adamgreattweet
63K Followers 3K Following Resident physician as seen on Buzzfeed and TV, RTd by Barack Obama. He/HimLil Bit 🌈 @LizerReal
59K Followers 983 Following Wife of a guy. Mother to spawns. Sugar glider in my bra. Parenting cautionary tale. (she/her)Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbolReal Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more..:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin
55K Followers 3K Following • goth daria vibes • fear does not exist in this bio • muppet enthusiast • reba/dolly 2024 • subscribe •meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link belowstoned cold fox @roastmalone_
56K Followers 2K Following no milk will EVER be our milk. can’t get enough of me? or just want to say hi? I answer my dms here: https://t.co/FOkADnw5vIDadman Walking @dadmann_walking
56K Followers 1K Following introvert. Husband. Dad of 3. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My links! https://t.co/X1R5q5AVST seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents @cheezburPresident Warren G. H.. @PopeAwesomeXIII
13K Followers 2K Following Commercially Inviable. ✌️ 29th US President (1921-1923) 🧐 Tip jar! https://t.co/Igf16XkzWv ❤ He/Him 👍 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️ ❤️ See pinned for migration infoVillage Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonzNurseBrianRN @rn_murse
19K Followers 825 Following Singer-Songscreamer I Gay Homosexual I Pubic Figure | Fourth Thingyour other mom @difficultpatty
37K Followers 965 Following Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4PwJessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.@itssherifield @itssherifield
13K Followers 1K Following Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e5DfKVinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1MMcDad @mcdadstuff
9K Followers 2K Following I like dad jokes and I cannot lie. https://t.co/bbtLUiYKKg Find more of my tweets here ⬇️Lauralee Tyska @ty_laurale
17 Followers 3K FollowingBrylee Kaczmarek @kaczmarek36909
78 Followers 5K FollowingElmer Galicinao @GalicinElme
78 Followers 5K FollowingNatalie Ruttan @RuttanNata37688
76 Followers 5K FollowingHarlee Wannlund @HWannlund90931
51 Followers 5K FollowingQueeny Grace @QueenyGrac80092
9 Followers 625 FollowingKeesha Litka @keesha75748
35 Followers 5K FollowingMark Powell @MarkPowell40164
437 Followers 5K FollowingMom & Dad's Toolbox P.. @MDToolbox
142 Followers 1K Following Subscribe to our MDT family on @YouTube for great parenting tips and content! Our easy to follow videos will help you along in your #parenting journey!Tattletale Times @TattletaleTimes
407 Followers 987 Following Your go-to source for hilarious satire news on the chaotic world of parenting. https://t.co/pFbpZ6Lfd1Alma Gilreath @AlmaGilrea
57 Followers 5K FollowingCharlotte Coatney @CharlotteC77524
82 Followers 5K Followingblondeblondeblonde @gl_winkler
2K Followers 2K Following glam classic. #Unless you are going to help me clean don’t come knocking on my door. #I’m a tweeter that likes retweeting tweets. Say that 3 times fast.ناصر منصور @nasserrawad63
1K Followers 5K Following مهندس بحري لشركة نفطية.U.K . الذي لا يكتب لا يتابعني ارجوكم .اما الكذب فهو الاسوء . وغزة تنادي يا الله Mentir est inacceptabl .Lying is unacceptable ♥️😡Here's Johnny D🌞 @venture675
703 Followers 5K Following Customer service with a smile!!! I wonder what movie franchise serial killer they have you fawning over today?Average Dad @Average_Dad1
14K Followers 1K Following Just an average man trying to be an average dad. https://t.co/WKYWkAyg2Lshawty @shawty1690818
0 Followers 6 FollowingTrevon Middleton @TrevonMidd28016
94 Followers 3K FollowingPam @pam_reed42
162 Followers 3K Following𝔑𝔦𝔵𝔢 @die_nixe
158 Followers 233 Following not that you care, truly; but i’m that girl with the sharp teeth who grabs at the walls and pulls you downGeneviveReitan @GeneviveRe25872
145 Followers 2K FollowingSpring Back Recycling @SpringBackTN
13 Followers 170 Following Recycling Mattresses & Box Springs from residents of Nashville and commercial businesses all over the US. Join us in reducing waste and creating job openings!sara @sara41853535
0 Followers 1K Following[email protected] @George145625586
63 Followers 108 Following☕ 📚 L I Z 🐈�.. @LivedAHobbit
2K Followers 2K FollowingLakeshia Lindel @LakeshiLinde
46 Followers 5K Followingbrassica oleracea enj.. @NaFun
2K Followers 4K Following pronounced NahFoon, he/him. former Kansan, drug policy nerd, yimby, father, cook #seabikes https://t.co/ksL2cCPNdHPopfill📈 @EPopfill
42 Followers 98 Following Helping E-commerce brands scale🚀 | Using the power of persuasion🔑 | We do campaigns and weekly newsletters ✉️ | Love talking about random stuffs 🗣️AmazonTeeSells @jacobmi67634304
331 Followers 2K Following Creating tee-sational moments one shirt at a time. Shop our Amazon store for quality and style. 🛍️ #amazon #teepublicTheseaut @theseaut74486
169 Followers 2K FollowingAerocom Mattress @aerocomcushion
7 Followers 138 Following "Discover your best sleep with the Aerocom Mattress! Unparalleled comfort, support, and quality for a restful night's sleep. #AerocomMattress #SleepBetter"Aleena Buckel @AleenaBuck64438
58 Followers 5K FollowingLayoung Mattress @LayoungZbliyan
3 Followers 64 Following Chinese professional mattress manufacturer founded since 1995. Undertake OEM&ODM mattress orders, pocket springs,non-woven fabrics,wire.WhatsApp:+8618953380889.vicky @6180442Vicky
4 Followers 57 FollowingDisheveled Mom @wittysnuggles
5K Followers 6K Following Not my real name. 40s toddler mom. Unapologetically blunt relationship therapist. Featured on @MSNBC @CNN @FoxNews @SternShow @NYPostmike☺︎ (joke f.. @PhilipJFried
5K Followers 3K Following Once described as "like a cool dude" | not worth getting to know | sad clown | https://t.co/KrrLsxBmbQAmarah Binstock @amar_binstoc
87 Followers 5K FollowingZarah Tanequodle @ZaTanequod
94 Followers 5K Followingleaf @XINFALeaf
6 Followers 130 Following 我是来自中国深圳 Leaf,专业第三国转口,规避反倾销税;我们可以提供18个国家转口渠道进行规避反倾销税务,可出真实有效产地证(co),有兴趣请添加我的WhatsApp/WeChat:13828908139,谢谢。Ebrima Danso @EbrimaDans57533
689 Followers 5K FollowingAdam @adamgreattweet
63K Followers 3K Following Resident physician as seen on Buzzfeed and TV, RTd by Barack Obama. He/HimLil Bit 🌈 @LizerReal
59K Followers 983 Following Wife of a guy. Mother to spawns. Sugar glider in my bra. Parenting cautionary tale. (she/her)Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbolReal Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more..:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin
55K Followers 3K Following • goth daria vibes • fear does not exist in this bio • muppet enthusiast • reba/dolly 2024 • subscribe •meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link belowstoned cold fox @roastmalone_
56K Followers 2K Following no milk will EVER be our milk. can’t get enough of me? or just want to say hi? I answer my dms here: https://t.co/FOkADnw5vIDadman Walking @dadmann_walking
56K Followers 1K Following introvert. Husband. Dad of 3. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My links! https://t.co/X1R5q5AVST seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents @cheezburPresident Warren G. H.. @PopeAwesomeXIII
13K Followers 2K Following Commercially Inviable. ✌️ 29th US President (1921-1923) 🧐 Tip jar! https://t.co/Igf16XkzWv ❤ He/Him 👍 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️ ❤️ See pinned for migration infoVillage Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonzNurseBrianRN @rn_murse
19K Followers 825 Following Singer-Songscreamer I Gay Homosexual I Pubic Figure | Fourth Thingyour other mom @difficultpatty
37K Followers 965 Following Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4PwJessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.@itssherifield @itssherifield
13K Followers 1K Following Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e5DfKVinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1MGeorge Takei @GeorgeTakei
3.3M Followers 1K Following I am a parody of myself, if anyone wonders if this is really me.Fredward the Bastard @Fredward3948576
11K Followers 901 Following and he rose again in accordance with a tweet he made earlier / @freduaryAysha 💋 MBS, Stem .. @ModelAyshaMirza
11K Followers 2K Following #MuslimModelsMatter💋 Model 🩺#FutureMD 🙏🏼 @PublicHealth: COVID 🧠🎓 Runner🥇National Champion 🇺🇸❤️ WR Holder 👑#StrongLooksDifferentOnEveryone™️ Views ownDisheveled Mom @wittysnuggles
5K Followers 6K Following Not my real name. 40s toddler mom. Unapologetically blunt relationship therapist. Featured on @MSNBC @CNN @FoxNews @SternShow @NYPostthe knife alien 🔆 .. @winemomculture
2K Followers 1K Following some girls sing in the choir, others bake bread. me? i train to be a spy for her Majesty's government.JodingersCat-astrophe @JMoneySlimer
2K Followers 2K Following If you think I post a lot of crap, you should see what I delete: Ghost account for @JodingersCatPenis Man Appreciatio.. @fansofpenisman
988 Followers 29 Following independent arts journalist. submit pics in DMs. #FreePenisManID4 in Real Time @1996ID4
11K Followers 5 Following Tweeting the sights, sounds, & news from 1996's historic alien attack & subsequent global (read: American) military response in real time. #IndependenceDay #ID4I Think You Should Wa.. @WatchDetroiters
10K Followers 139 Following Detroiters is streaming on Paramont + & Comedy Central App. Not affiliated with Detroiters or Comedy Central/Viacom Email: [email protected]short bimbo @ShirtBimbo
14K Followers 62 Following booty shorts purveyor. silly shirt creator. cute clothing shop. artist owned & operated.Parenting Presently (.. @presentparent_
2K Followers 512 Following Best parenting hack = laughter | As seen on @BuzzFeed @HuffPost & more | 🐦 Greatest hits ⬇️Mommy Cusses @mommy_cusses
26K Followers 3K Following A domestic hot mess. Author. Social Media Manager @pnmag https://t.co/xmC8SoY3sjYes, But @_yesbut_
611K Followers 1 Following Official YES, BUT series by @like_gudim https://t.co/SubYEcH8wY $yesbut portal: https://t.co/8uwH0IAzyv𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉.. @MoMohler
7K Followers 5K Following Rated 100% pure, grade A, American “little beef boy” by JD Power And Associates.krista pacion @kristabellerina
15K Followers 6K Following Writer; traveler; mom; politico; lover of semi-colons, tea, and coffee. Tweets lovingly handcrafted in small batches.slumber mag @slumbermag
2K Followers 593 Following highlighting your fav & new fav nb, trans, & female-identifying artists 🌹 next gen of @thelesighProfessor Yurabay @ProfYurabay
1K Followers 144 Following Fan account of a retired business professor from Mountain Valley University looking for great food recommendations. Anything my wife posts is a lie.SaltyEM @SaltyEMNY
8K Followers 1K Following Rural doc bringing salt to Emergency Med. Making it work with too little. Extra chaotic good. I only tweet medical advice. Jawn enthusiast.Ryan Marino, MD @RyanMarino
102K Followers 3K Following Human Doctor • Toxicology • Addiction • Emergency • #WTFentanyl & more often just WTF • drugs are misunderstood but people are misunderstood more • he/himI Think You Should Pa.. @ITYSLKids
6K Followers 231 Following ITYSL content with an occasional focus on parenting. If this goes well, they’ll let me into the Jump Junkies Stunt Crewregular gem @Choplogik
16K Followers 462 Following moss& gemstone ZERO flaws. pronouns: perfect/angelLow Quality Facts @lqfacts
8K Followers 1K Following Low Quality Facts written in arguably lower quality handwriting. From the writer behind @otterlyhumanAmother Tweeter @laureber
737 Followers 1K Following A little strange, but mostly harmless. Fox News would say bleeding heart liberal, I say compassionate and empathetic.Blonde Emergency MD �.. @blondemedSJW
12K Followers 1K Following EM PGY3. Intersectional feminist, self proclaimed "SJW." She/her pronouns. Opinions are my own. #medtwitterSam Ghali, M.D. @EM_RESUS
565K Followers 274 Following ER Doctor | Resuscitation | Airway | Cardiovascular Emergencies | ECGs | Emergency Radiology | Trauma | Critical Care | #FOAMed | Patient AdvocateThe Annasthesiologist @fuzzymittens
45K Followers 4K Following Tweets are my own, frequently profane. "Mom of Anesthesia ." Being horrible to people is never a virtue.Stephen Murray, MPH, .. @stephenHRNRP
14K Followers 7K Following Husband/dad / #HarmReduction Program Manager /Paramedic from @ThisAmericanLife Ep809 TheCall /Director Mass Overdose Helpline. he/him. VIEWS MINE!Sarah Leyde, MD @leyde_sarah
1K Followers 1K Following P’s mom. Internist and addiction med physician at UW/Harborview by way of UCSF. Tweets = my own.octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman
32K Followers 2K Following cool ranch icarus, painter of LoveBots, king of diarrhea jokesFascinating @fasc1nate
3.3M Followers 2K Following Posting interesting science, gadgets, history, art, and more. Subscribe for in-depth posts. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.Taylor Nichols, MD @tnicholsmd
52K Followers 3K Following Humanist | Emergency + Addiction Medicine physician | Health policy and Advocacy | he/him | (Views my own)LaughCryCoffee @laughcrycoffee
1K Followers 480 Following Here to commiserate about life with toddlers. Featured on HuffPost and Today. Now on insta!Lolo @LolOverruled
161K Followers 1K Following court appointed hype man reach me by email loloverruledbusiness@gmail or IG dmBad Medical Takes @BadMedicalTakes
281K Followers 54 Following Posting the worst medical takes. Have a submission? DM or @ me. #MedTwitter Same name on Bluesky/Threads/MastodonCode Blue Memes @codebluememes
19K Followers 368 Following professional meme maker • unprofessional ER nurse • 900K+ on IG/FB/TikTokI Think You Should Le.. @ITYSL_memes
73K Followers 991 Following You’re looking at a nude egg. Your #1 source for ITYSL news, memes, & content. I’m just like such a huge fan of ITYSL’s music AND its acting. Let’s slop ‘em up!internet hall of fame @InternetH0F
2.8M Followers 837 Following alt @TPayst | credit is given when original source is known. if no credit is listed, OP can DM us with credit request.A Dad Influence @gbergan
7K Followers 2K Following Most of my followers are bots. You're probably not even real. My posts in this link ⬇️Temporary Sequel @NoFabTobi
2K Followers 650 Following This is not the main account. I’m back at the main after the lock-out.tyler @tyler02020202
121K Followers 1K Followingi heart glizzies @iheartglizzies
15K Followers 11 Following made for those who love glizzies, hotdogs, and memes • dm for submissionsNomadic Warriors for .. @Nomads4Pritzker
13K Followers 912 Following We are nomadic warriors united by one dream: anointing JB Pritzker the Khagan of America. Merch: https://t.co/PPSLixamBr Run by: @TripTweetsHereNew York Times Pitchb.. @DougJBalloon
263K Followers 4K Following Parody. The really well-trained dog is the one that turns his somersault when there is no whip. merch: https://t.co/3bxNPhdkPLAda Promo (REAL) @advertisedtwit
168K Followers 27 Following A Twitter account documenting the weird and bizarre world of user promoted ads. DM me if you stumble upon more.They kettled… the police? University of Illinois Urbana-Champagne, I owe you an apology. I wasn’t familiar with your game.
University of Illinois Urbana-Champagne protesters have encircled police using reinforced banners & signs
At pick No. 122, the Bears selected Iowa punter Tory Taylor.
One time in undergrad I put off writing a paper until the day it was due and I woke up at 4 am and wrote 15 pages in one sitting, and it turned out totally fine and I got good feedback. It's the worst thing that ever happened to me and I wish I could go back in time and undo it
Sorry I was late I was refilling my purse Ibuprofen with my bathroom Ibuprofen.
Earth day is just a made up holiday to sell more planets.
don't mind me just trying to figure out compression settings
If I was a ghost I wouldn’t wear a sheet, I would get a shower curtain so it would protect me from the elements
overheard a drunk guy in the park with his buddies say “well it’s a dog shit dog world” and unfortunately, like the monster from It Follows, that phrase has now been passed on to me, and i dont know how i can ever be rid of it. it’s a dog shit dog world
when i die i want hotdog rollers installed in my casket so i'm just slowly rotating throughout the funeral
Discovered this masterpiece by my 7yo and I can’t tell you how proud I am to find her translating profanities Swedish Chef-style 🥹
you know its bad when people start telling you you are the strongest person they've ever met
too many generic kid names like "chris" and "jake" out there. if i had a son i'd name him something bad ass. like "the shovel"
I love my little cat i wish he could wear sweatpants or drive a car but it’s okay that he can’t. Like it’s fine
If he invites you back to see his “meat castle” run as far away as possible, and then keep going