Bummer T. Vibes, Esq @VibesBummer
where’s beth? x.com/search?q=from%… 🌏🌈🍄 online since ‘95 Joined June 2019-
Tweets21K
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Followers3K
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Following1K
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Likes20K
circling the fuel hose around an airplane’s gas tank while making human toddler noises
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Bummer T. Vibes, Esq retweeted
Introducing myself as Brett Favre, nobody checks
Bummer T. Vibes, Esq retweeted
[falconry lesson] Here's your glove, here's your bird. Come back with both.
Bummer T. Vibes, Esq retweeted
How to tell good art. Is there a flower in it? Is someone holding it? Does the flower look sad?
[guy naming weeds] this one looks like a lion, but dandier
If I cared about me, I’d be deeply worried
Bummer T. Vibes, Esq retweeted
This is everything needed to make a 100k writing books [tosses you a dictionary]
Bummer T. Vibes, Esq retweeted
You love the cozy armchair in your doctor's waiting room. What's keeping you from making an offer? Only your own fear.
[first day as a pirate] *looking at treasure map* ten marks the spot
There’s like 5 of you left that are only on here that’s keeping me from deleting the app
Bummer T. Vibes, Esq retweeted
Unblock clogged sinuses using the love you didn't receive as a child. It’s floating out there somewhere.
I refuse to acknowledge the passage of time, logging on
All of the Acropolis are playing saturnalia music
Bummer T. Vibes, Esq retweeted
Worcestershire sauce (voice to text)
Bummer T. Vibes, Esq retweeted
Some idiot asked why my car is full of inflatable sharks as if it's not gift-giving season.
Bummer T. Vibes, Esq retweeted
My theory is if I keep on randomly stuffing tissue paper into this gift bag, the beauty of its natural crystalline form will emerge.
Bummer T. Vibes, Esq retweeted
i don't know. i put the laundry on a rock in front of our place wednesdays, and it comes back folded on friday. try that
Bummer T. Vibes, Esq retweeted
It's the horse part of the Apocalypse that scares me the most.
Bummer T. Vibes, Esq retweeted
Replace any part of your tweet with something clever and unique
Can’t believe it’s not butter? [enters echo chamber] now you don’t have to
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