Robo Justin (update snoozed) @justinmatic5000
Sometimes funny on purpose. Not Y2k24 Compliant. Married to a hot robot, so no dms unless you are @RoboEllen or have an exciting offer about oil changes. mobile.twitter.com/search?q=from%… Undisclosed locaTion Joined January 2016-
Tweets28K
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Followers2K
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Following2K
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Likes43K
Robo Justin (update snoozed) retweeted
At McDonalds looking at the menu through opera binoculars.
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Robo Justin (update snoozed) retweeted
(Satan addressing new arrival) So you invented product stickers that can't be removed?? Well done my boy, well done! Also, I have the perfect ironic punishment for you
Robo Justin (update snoozed) retweeted
I for one could not live in a world where things were allowed to happen.
Robo Justin (update snoozed) retweeted
A ton of saber parts and a new rotary tool for the laser….throw in some cocktails…let the shenanigans begin!
Robo Justin (update snoozed) retweeted
Ok that’s enough funky music, white boy.
Robo Justin (update snoozed) retweeted
20s: would never leave the house in pyjamas 40s: will only leave the house if I can wear pyjamas
Robo Justin (update snoozed) retweeted
It's 5 o'clock somewhere, probably the back of this truck
Robo Justin (update snoozed) retweeted
Captain Caveman implies the existence of Major Caveman and First Lieutenant Caveman.
Robo Justin (update snoozed) retweeted
There’s only one President who’s supposed to be above the law, and that is Me.
Robo Justin (update snoozed) retweeted
My daughter is mad at me and just informed me that when she dies her last words will be “my mom is a loser”
Robo Justin (update snoozed) retweeted
Is it possible to karaoke a Milli Vanilli song?
Robo Justin (update snoozed) retweeted
The biggest lie 90s dudes told was that there was something in that wallet that made it worth chaining up
Robo Justin (update snoozed) retweeted
My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office
Robo Justin (update snoozed) retweeted
My kids are writing a mystery series called mom where did YOU put all the chargers?
Robo Justin (update snoozed) retweeted
“This is such a huge financial loss” me, after accidentally dropping a blueberry.
Robo Justin (update snoozed) retweeted
Remember when we were Neanderthals and only used one monitor at work?
Robo Justin (update snoozed) retweeted
*pours milk over bowl of ibuprofen for breakfast*
Robo Justin (update snoozed) retweeted
Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now
Robo Justin (update snoozed) retweeted
"Meet me out back by the dumpster for the drugs" -CVS pharmacy drive-thru
Robo Justin (update snoozed) retweeted
[ At the gym ] Gym bro: can you spot me? Me (pointing at him): there you are!
Midge @mxmclain
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(Satan addressing new arrival) So you invented product stickers that can't be removed?? Well done my boy, well done! Also, I have the perfect ironic punishment for you
Absolutely no one: My 11 year old: so…do you and dad have recreational sex regularly?
Saying, “ohboyohboyohboyohboyohboy” the whole time during sex.
I for one could not live in a world where things were allowed to happen.
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A ton of saber parts and a new rotary tool for the laser….throw in some cocktails…let the shenanigans begin!
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All I can say is fuck fuck fuck and what the fuck?! Oh wait. Fuck. And who the fuck?! Why the fuck?! And FUCK!!
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