Jono @whoinvitedjon
I work hard, and I play hard. Wait - I actually just work a regular amount and I don't really play that much either tbh twitter.com/search?q=from%… 🍁🍁🍁 Joined April 2009-
Tweets72K
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Followers5K
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Following5K
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Likes64K
Jono retweeted
Forgot my glasses so I'm pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best
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Jono retweeted
He approached the barren Dollar Store. It's darkened entrance once so robust with auspicious messages of "bargin bin deals" now a moribund vestige of its erstwhile resplendence. A languid Austin Powers mask hangs sadly in the window. Echoes of "Yeah baby" dance on by in the wind.
Jono retweeted
Walking out of Starbucks, I almost gave a random woman a dollar because she was standing in the cheerleader/baseball/football spot
Jono retweeted
Before the invention of the home can opener, you had to get your whoop-ass opened at the general store
Jono retweeted
In case you were questioning my mental health I just bought my son a slide whistle.
Jono retweeted
People are worse than ever right now. This has to be rock bottom right?
Jono retweeted
When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.
Jono retweeted
LL COOL J is short for LIVE, LAUGH, COOL J
Jono retweeted
Haggis- the meal you have to stomach twice
Jono retweeted
I’m just a girl standing in front of my fridge hoping a cheesecake will appear
Jono retweeted
Hey I'm bringing velour track suits back everyone
Groceries have been getting so expensive I started buying 2-in-1 salad
Love her
Jono retweeted
Me: I got carded today. Husband: Only because you were trying to cheat and get the senior discount. Me: It still counts!
Jono retweeted
*Puts arm band, white tank top, and fake moustache on cat* There ya go, Freddie Purr-cury.
Jono retweeted
I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something
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Emily Snyder, Crime B.. @greenmtpics
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@whoinvitedjon Every time I think that I’m proven wrong
Did you know you can just put cream cheese on toast if you run out of bagels, there is literally no one checking this
The office has a real "the floggings will continue until morale improves" vibe these days and it's going as well as one would expect
Buying muffins at Costco like July doesn’t exist
He approached the barren Dollar Store. It's darkened entrance once so robust with auspicious messages of "bargin bin deals" now a moribund vestige of its erstwhile resplendence. A languid Austin Powers mask hangs sadly in the window. Echoes of "Yeah baby" dance on by in the wind.
Walking out of Starbucks, I almost gave a random woman a dollar because she was standing in the cheerleader/baseball/football spot
Before the invention of the home can opener, you had to get your whoop-ass opened at the general store
In case you were questioning my mental health I just bought my son a slide whistle.
@whoinvitedjon I’m on too many drugs right now for your riddles.
@whoinvitedjon It can get so much more worse than this.
@whoinvitedjon Nope, grab a shovel
@whoinvitedjon I hope so bc the next level after that is subsurface…
@whoinvitedjon Did I spoil it for you again? The game was 2 days ago 🤣
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