gabe @discount_doobie
who am i? what is this? Maine, USA Joined January 2014-
Tweets4K
-
Followers96
-
Following113
-
Likes3K
It’s cool having a wife I can look at and ask dead seriously “do you think there were any hot chicks in 1100 BC” and have her go “… yeah, but they were probably stinky.” Nice
My only goal today is to get so visibly stoned someone asks if I have Covid
Pro tip: keep a pastors outfit in your car when you go out to the bars so when you’re driving home drunk and get pulled over it will be a quick interaction that ends in the cop saying “have a good night, father!”
Accidentally called the girl at Starbucks “daddy” cause i was sleepy still :/
suckin’ on chili dog
My wife gets so proud of her little deals at the store, ask me how much the hand soap refill was. It was $3.99!!! It’s usually like $8-10!!! She told me 3 times
Baby corns taste like when you get lake water up your nose
Set the serenity prayer as my Home Screen as a last ditch effort to stop the existential dread 👍🏼
how he should respond to other girls now that he has me
Hey Ali K maybe don’t have your name on your license plate if you’re gonna cut me off w/ no blinker. I will do Facebook research and find the man your boyfriend is most suspicious of and plant seeds of jealousy in his ear until he murder suicides you.Understand me? Use a blinker
This weed is making me feel like I’m unemployed and just got out of jail
OH SHIT THE DREAM DRAGON DOUBLE DECKER HASH HEAPED BRICKY BREAKFAST BOWL FULLY FOGGED THE FUCKIN FREEWAY (I am in the midst of a horrible existential panic)
Neighbor called the cops 👮♂️ cause my garden party loud as hell 100 💯 leaf 🍁 smoke 💨 fire 🔥 easter island 🗿 skull ☠️ one hundred 💯 flame 🔥 cops 👮♀️
Alessandra Mittelstea.. @Alessandra84622
52 Followers 5K Following
Luz Moravek @LMoravek54247
30 Followers 5K Following
Merrie Linstrom @LinstromMe63411
20 Followers 3K Following
Audrina Wakley @AudrinWakl
21 Followers 5K Following
Mary-kate Konarik @MaryKonar
40 Followers 5K Following
beautyshell @beautyshel37539
20 Followers 361 Following
Karl Trimnell @KarlTrimne16883
54 Followers 5K Following
Milissa Kinsley @KinsleyMil3904
50 Followers 5K Following
Blanka Hansrote @BlanHansro
37 Followers 5K Following
Olga @olga123abc
103 Followers 264 Following
Shelby Burbs @themaineburb
203 Followers 118 Following wife | burbyco | photos | she/her | serious. we'll speak in our secret tongues. 🖤✨🌙
Diane @halldiane28
160 Followers 3K Following
Saylor Fusha @SayFusha
91 Followers 5K Following
Isla Zeimetz @IZeimetz24304
84 Followers 5K Following
Margarit @Margari78080487
38 Followers 195 Following
SNCKPCK ★彡 @SNCKPCK
216K Followers 209K Following Internet Artist 💿🖥️🌱 Staying Positive & Making Music
Drew Lewis @DrewFuckinLewis
267 Followers 1K Following 🎤#1 Sexiest Open-Mic Comic | 🎸Post-Disco Death-Polka Musician | 🎙️Podcastrationist | 🔮Fuck Wizard | 👹Blasphemer | 📚The Next Great American Smut Novelist
alicia !!!! @uhh_leesh
88 Followers 168 Following oh sorry i’m just waiting for my mom to pick me up
Kayla Perkins @kaykayperks
42 Followers 2K Following 1994♋️. I ❤️ photography❕From time to time I'll post pictures. #PrettyLittleLairs! @kaykayperkspub
tori @tormonagle
362 Followers 196 Following
OnTheRocks @OnTheRocksBand
6 Followers 15 Following Your mom's favorite cover band! Book us now: [email protected] 🍻
Lisa @LizzeLBizzeL711
95 Followers 153 Following
Matt Bourgault @MattBourgault
1K Followers 5K Following Digital Content Producer for WGME. Tweets do not reflect the views of Sinclair Broadcast Group. Even the ones about Ring of Honor.
𝖑𝖊𝖝 🥀 @lexhodg
414 Followers 174 Following she/her. aries ☉ aries ☽ libra ↑ heaven’s no place for one who thrives on hell.
tom davin @tomdavinsays
10K Followers 332 Following Hamburglar on the streets, Grimace in the sheets. I wish I could unfollow myself.
thieves getting fucke.. @lncmpltemission
1.0M Followers 9 Following A hilarious robbery caught on camera. (parody)
gaz @gazpachomachine
98K Followers 1K Following Sometimes I review food in the shower | All Reviews: https://t.co/sbof3C7kmr | [email protected] | Text or call me 404-548-8034
U.S. Fish and Wildlif.. @USFWS
316K Followers 38K Following The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service (USFWS) is dedicated to the conservation, protection, and enhancement of fish, wildlife, plants, and their habitats. 🐟🦆 🌱
sammy land @OopsIDidItAsian
991 Followers 1 Following
Comedy Exterior @ComedyExterior
131K Followers 503 Following Comedy, common sense, and based takes for outsiders
Alexandria Ocasio-Cor.. @AOC
13.2M Followers 4K Following US Congresswoman, NY-14. In a modern, moral, and wealthy society, no American should be too poor to live. People-Funded, takes no lobbyist💰. Personal account.
shirts that go hard @shirtsthtgohard
1.4M Followers 610 Following 20% off your first purchase, use code 'FIRST'! DM for credit! I tag original creators whenever possible. Designs I sell are my own. We’re @/goodshirts on IG!
Wim Hof @Iceman_Hof
331K Followers 295 Following The cold is merciless but righteous, it teaches you how to breathe | Instagram: iceman_hof | website ⬇️ - Wim and team Hof
Martin cabello III @mybabelproject
42K Followers 98 Following If you like the information I share There's a link in my bio to my PayPal and cameo
Terrible Maps @TerribleMaps
1.8M Followers 1K Following The home of terrible maps with a pinch of humour [email protected]
Free Band Names For F.. @freebandnamesfr
192 Followers 997 Following Looking for a band name? Here's one. Openly endorsed by Liam AND Noel.
Fight Haven @FightHaven
2.7M Followers 676 Following #1 Source For Combat Sports Videos / News | Email For Promo/Business | [email protected]
Gracie Theatre @gracietheatre
281 Followers 600 Following The Gracie Theatre serves Husson,NESCom and their students and staff plus the Greater Bangor area as a cultural arts center.
Sobriety Sucks Podcas.. @SobrietySucks1
2K Followers 345 Following podcast that complains about how addiction and recovery are depicted on TV. both still sober no thanks to dumb twitter. @w000rm and @meanunclejack
Tim Dillon @TimJDillon
789K Followers 656 Following Stand up comic. CEO of Fake Business. Podcast: The Tim Dillon Show. LIVE/MERCH LINK ⬇️
mugshawtys @mugshawtys
516K Followers 158 Following hope bae gets bail | owner: @jay_jeffs | 1.2m+ on IG https://t.co/959iHL9gdt
field medic @_fieldmedic
13K Followers 1K Following $ R Z & $ • garden avenue xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxbooking: [email protected] xxxx mgmt: [email protected]
Kenny Hotz @kennyhotz
158K Followers 4K Following Subscribe to my pateon for $2 a month! https://t.co/pfPCXH5jQG Buy Some Merch! https://t.co/4ytdJUXSJ9 https://t.co/Mp8xzsWzsE
things to hate in por.. @portlandhates
2K Followers 121 Following
Criminal Posts @crim_tweets_
1.0M Followers 0 Following sources for twitters most criminal tweets | turn post notifications on
The Oatmeal Press @oatmealpress
23 Followers 1 Following
Blake Lemoine @cajundiscordian
32K Followers 588 Following https://t.co/sBwPF3MARY Preferred noun: ADONAI AI Lead at https://t.co/8Cg3wJr8Sv Eternally Hopeful https://t.co/ZroyXk1YZy
Black Hole @konstructivizm
561K Followers 39K Following Only New Content, news, articles, images, videos, and discussion #space,#FollowMe, #Nature, #astronomy, #Nasa, #astrophotography, #science
Johnny Depp @johndeppchris
7K Followers 81 Following Only account, secret account. Nice to meet you all.
animals going goblin .. @mischiefanimals
1.4M Followers 277 Following goblin guy posting goblin goons (and whatever else I find funny)
Emery Smith @emerysmith33
28K Followers 30 Following Veteran, scientist, inventor. Laying it all out on https://t.co/EneWWDPSdH. Look up at night✨Go find out the truth for yourself.
Weird Spotify Playlis.. @SpotifyWeird
578K Followers 258 Following weird playlists go to the subreddit to submit
neural net guesses me.. @ResNeXtGuesser
598K Followers 1 Following I pass memes through the ResNeXt neural network. / Follow my creator (or message him for issues like stolen content): @MKVRiscy / submissions closed
Serenity Cox @SerenityCoxTO
103K Followers 676 Following Content Creator on PornHub 🏆 Top 0.1% on OnlyFans 🏆 Over 475 Million Views on PornHub 🏆 Top Fetish Performer at the PornHub Awards ‘23
Joan Halifax @jhalifax
66K Followers 591 Following Buddhist teacher, author, social activist, anthropologist, Abbot: Upaya Zen Center
chaotic memes @memechaotic
1.6M Followers 7 Following DM for credit or removal | previously @/clubphotos_
The Leather Rose @theleatherose
107 Followers 3 Following An exploration of the mysteries of the universe that seeks to unravel the secrets of time. Brought to you by Johnny Pemberton & Duncan Trussell.idk bumping gnarls barkley’s crazy and ripping an insanely stinky blunt is one way to spend your tuesday afternoon
Here’s a pic from my YouTube show where I give the unhoused money to make my fan base think I’m the messiah! I believe it said its name was Dustin Trundle, and it was really happy to receive $5 I slid out amongst all them crisp hundos! Time to wash the poor out of my clothes.
if you are a person who brings fish to a public office for lunch you are the fucking WOOORST
COOKED IS OUR FAVORITE BAND
If my 2024 wrapped came out rn COOKED would be at the top. Check out their new single “Talk Is Cheap” on the site rn!
6'4" wearing a top hat in a theater. I'd shoot him too.
The top hat worn by Abraham Lincoln the night he was shot.
When the singer says to “Fuck someone up in the pit” and I see the 260lb guys leg flying towards my face at the speed of light
everyone during say cheese
Pulling over for a quick fart and wipe, then back to speeding
time to fuck around and find out with this “1st prize shitty homegrown dope” @discount_doobie
just took a shit in trader joes. nice place. first timer.
the weather ain’t been bad if you’re into masochistic bullshit
It hasn’t even been a day 😭
My 6th grade social studies teacher told my mom at a parent-teacher conference she thought I probably needed to be checked out for ADHD. My mom exploded back, “My son does NOT have that! He is NOT retarded!” But she was wrong. I did have ADHD. And I’m definitely retarded.
Trends for United States
You might like
