George Njoroge @georgenjoroge_

A village storyteller & witty observer of life, culture, hustle & global affairs 🇰🇪 CEO, EADH | Digital Forensics & Cybersecurity eadatahandlers.co.ke/teams/ Nairobi, Kenya. Joined January 2012

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George Njoroge @georgenjoroge_

12 hours ago

Now that KFS has reclaimed the front nine, and the back nine belongs to Muthaiga Country Club, Muthaiga Golf Club technically owns only one hole. Kenya’s most exclusive one-hole golf club. 😅

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George Njoroge @georgenjoroge_

13 hours ago

You go to bed a member of an 18-hole golf club, then wake up to find @KeForestService has repossessed Holes 2 to 9 because they apparently belong to Karura Forest. 😭 Muthaiga Golf Club has just become the most exclusive 10-hole golf course in the world. Only in Kenya! 😂

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George Njoroge @georgenjoroge_

14 hours ago

Honestly, no real man has ever looked at long, claw like nails and thought, “That’s attractive.” We just tolerate them because women think we like them.

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George Njoroge @georgenjoroge_

a day ago

What may seem annoying today could one day become the sound you miss most. 10 years an orphan and I would give anything to hear my mother’s phone ring again.

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George Njoroge @georgenjoroge_

a day ago

@kamauwaruhiu True 💯

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George Njoroge @georgenjoroge_

2 days ago

The older I get, the more painfully I realise that life is not always about how hard you work or how good you are. Sometimes, it simply comes down to luck, and not everyone gets their fair share of it.

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George Njoroge @georgenjoroge_

2 days ago

Guess

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George Njoroge @georgenjoroge_

2 days ago

@SingoeiAKorir You’re too uncomfortably close 🤬

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George Njoroge @georgenjoroge_

3 days ago

@ombachi13 @NCBABankKenya I’ll restrain myself from commenting.

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George Njoroge @georgenjoroge_

4 days ago

Balance is for December. Got to save. You all know my cousin Sospeter Kimakia just graduated top of his surgery class at UON, as you can see, the training was very hands-on.

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George Njoroge @georgenjoroge_

5 days ago

@FelixWakavata 🤮

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George Njoroge @georgenjoroge_

5 days ago

And you still wonder why I don't touch chicken?? Watch this video to the END. Count them. Count every single horsefly larva they pull out of this bird. 🐛🐔 You'll never look at your chickens the same way again.🤮🤮🤮

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George Njoroge @georgenjoroge_

5 days ago

ANDŨ A NYŨMBA, hapa tumegongwa below the belt and sadly I am one of you. We shout the loudest that Chinese, Burundians and other foreigners are “invading” businesses in Nairobi, Gikomba, Kariobangi and Kamukunji. But let us stop pretending. Who owns the buildings and willingly leases them to the Chinese? Who doubles or triples the rent to throw out Kenyan traders because a foreigner has offered more? Who imports containers full of cheap and fake Chinese products, then floods every village shop with them? Who sold Eastleigh properties to Somalis at three or four times their value, then woke up one morning shouting that Somalis had “taken over”? Who are the brokers bringing in potatoes, onions, fruits and eggs from Tanzania and Uganda while Kenyan farmers watch their produce rot? Who are the land merchants selling one plot to five different people, including their own relatives, church members and drinking partners? Then we complain that food is expensive while cutting every productive piece of agricultural land into buroti maguta maguta. Soon we shall have millions of plots, thousands of title deeds and absolutely nothing to eat. Our politicians and church leaders cry every day that alcohol and drugs are destroying our youth. But who manufactures them? Who distributes them? Who owns the bars? Do these bottles fall from hell at midnight? Almost every major privately owned brewery and distillery in this country has one of our own somewhere behind it, counting profits while publicly mourning the generation being destroyed. Let us admit the ugly truth: we have not been invaded. We have been bought and we happily issued the receipts. We have replaced God with money. Among too many of us, money is no longer something to use. It is the god we worship. That is why killing for money has become easier than spending money to save a life. Look at our political leaders crawling behind powerful men for handouts and future appointments. Look at church leaders baptising corruption, defending thieves and converting pulpits into collection desks. Kwani Mungu wa Wakikuyu ni maskini aje mpaka anahitaji harambee every Sunday? Mungu wa Turkana, Kitui, Taita na jaluo hana bills? Why are some of our pastors determined to portray God as permanently broke, endlessly hungry for cash and suspiciously comfortable with stolen money? Then all of us complain about hardship as though we have been strangers to power. We have occupied State House during 3 of Kenya’s 5 presidencies. If political proximity alone created prosperity, Central Kenya would look like Switzerland. Even mobile lenders understand us perfectly. Their advertisement does not say: “Text the word PESA.” It says: “Text the word MBIA.” That is how accurately the world has studied us. Mention money in Kikuyu and suddenly everybody is awake. The foreigners are not our biggest problem. Our greed is. Before blaming outsiders for taking Kenya, ask yourself who opened the door, collected the rent, sold them the land, cleared their containers and betrayed the local trader for thirty pieces of silver. Andũ a nyũmba, the enemy is not at the gate. The enemy has the title deed, the lease agreement and an M-Pesa confirmation message.

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George Njoroge @georgenjoroge_

5 days ago

Dear men, Women don't always want calm waters. Learn how to spike your wife's blood pressure once in a while. Keep the engine running HOT. Peace? Peace is for the retired. Sometimes they want the boat to ROCK. 🚤🔥🤪🤪🤣🤣

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George Njoroge @georgenjoroge_

5 days ago

I preferd starting with the roof coz I heard that it's very expensive😁

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George Njoroge @georgenjoroge_

5 days ago

DEAR MEN, FYI.

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George Njoroge @georgenjoroge_

5 days ago

@AverageMohamed Ngai fafa 😅

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George Njoroge @georgenjoroge_

6 days ago

KENYAN MEN, ACCORDING TO THEIR TRIBES 😂 Kalenjin One wife. One girlfriend. But his wife remains the undisputed champion. Kikuyu One wife. One girlfriend. Unfortunately, his heart has allocated the girlfriend more shares. Maasai Nine wives. One girlfriend. But absolutely none of them can compete with his cows. Somali Four wives. No girlfriend. His true soulmate is miraa. Teso One wife. One girlfriend. But somehow the house help has captured the entire government. Luhya Two wives. Two girlfriends. Still studying the wives’ sisters like an unfinished syllabus. Taita One wife. Two girlfriends. But beer is the only relationship he takes seriously. Luo Four wives. Four girlfriends. Yet his neighbour’s wife remains the love of his life. Kamba One, two, perhaps three wives. Several girlfriends. But the barmaid knows his heart, his debts and his drinking schedule. Kisii/Meru One wife. Several girlfriends. Manages the entire department through intimidation and unnecessary disciplinary hearings. 😂

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George Njoroge @georgenjoroge_

6 days ago

There are three levels of success no man has ever truly achieved: Being as handsome as his mother believes he is. Having as much money as his children think he has. Having as many women hidden in every corner as his wife suspects he does. Life simply refuses to let a man live up to his reputation. 😂